Poetry competition CLOSED 23rd January 2023 7:13pm
WINNER
Kinkpoet
Kinkpoet
RUNNER-UP:
Rew
Delightfully bonkers #7: January
Poetry Contest Description
who is the craziest?!
Happy New Year, you crazy lot. Here is this month's competition. I'd like to read your silly, funny poems. It's much more fun when nobody knows what the rules are, but the eccentric, illogical, ridiculous, quirky, unbelievable and extraordinary are all welcome here. You could always take a look at the last six Bonkers competitions for inspiration.
Entertain me, and keep it clean please. Craziest wins.
Entertain me, and keep it clean please. Craziest wins.
Dear Hero, From Villain
Shepard,
I am not pleased to hear news about your daughter threatening to raise a galactic army against my son, Hades, at daycare today. The time you did it was bad enough, now your daughter swears that she has gotten the synthesized Reapers to cooperate with her! As the oldest and most powerful of the Reapers, I find this unacceptable as it is I who should have supreme control over them; only I! The universe bends to me, and I will not allow a puny organic like your daughter to defeat my superior son.
Harbinger.
Harbinger,
What can I say? Hayley is following in my footsteps. A mere threat is nothing compared to what you and the other Reapers did during the war. You’ve taken the lives of trillions and now you’re complaining about a little girl who merely recounted tales about her mother’s success? It’s not my fault that your plan to “restore order” failed. I suggest you watch your tongue, or whatever it is you use to talk, before I reconsider my decision about synthesizing with the Reapers. Here’s a tip of the day: learn to lighten up and take a joke as it is.
Commander Shepard
I am not pleased to hear news about your daughter threatening to raise a galactic army against my son, Hades, at daycare today. The time you did it was bad enough, now your daughter swears that she has gotten the synthesized Reapers to cooperate with her! As the oldest and most powerful of the Reapers, I find this unacceptable as it is I who should have supreme control over them; only I! The universe bends to me, and I will not allow a puny organic like your daughter to defeat my superior son.
Harbinger.
Harbinger,
What can I say? Hayley is following in my footsteps. A mere threat is nothing compared to what you and the other Reapers did during the war. You’ve taken the lives of trillions and now you’re complaining about a little girl who merely recounted tales about her mother’s success? It’s not my fault that your plan to “restore order” failed. I suggest you watch your tongue, or whatever it is you use to talk, before I reconsider my decision about synthesizing with the Reapers. Here’s a tip of the day: learn to lighten up and take a joke as it is.
Commander Shepard
Written by LunasChild8
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Related submission no longer exists.
The wild wild west
It was a crazy day at the Dawggone saloon
For just as Jack Slim pulled the Colt .36 and prepared to shoot
He was disturbed by the sight of the gorgeous
Gezabelle coming down the stairs.
A great opportunity for his opponent,
The famely known Ugly John to be done with his eternal opponent
But just as he aimed the perfect shot with his Colt Pocket '49
A fly entered his left ear, buzzed around
Ugly John flailing his arms and thus shooting wildly
Barely missing Gezabelle
Hitting instead a number of precious whiskey bottles
Behind the bar.
So another opportunity for Slim Jack but as he prepared to shoot
He slipped in a puddle of ugly spit
His shot hit the incoming sheriff on the shoulder
The reply came fast
And thus died Slim Jack in the midst of tobacco spits and a hail of bullets.
For just as Jack Slim pulled the Colt .36 and prepared to shoot
He was disturbed by the sight of the gorgeous
Gezabelle coming down the stairs.
A great opportunity for his opponent,
The famely known Ugly John to be done with his eternal opponent
But just as he aimed the perfect shot with his Colt Pocket '49
A fly entered his left ear, buzzed around
Ugly John flailing his arms and thus shooting wildly
Barely missing Gezabelle
Hitting instead a number of precious whiskey bottles
Behind the bar.
So another opportunity for Slim Jack but as he prepared to shoot
He slipped in a puddle of ugly spit
His shot hit the incoming sheriff on the shoulder
The reply came fast
And thus died Slim Jack in the midst of tobacco spits and a hail of bullets.
Written by robert43041
(Viking)
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Purple Waterbeds
My guru plays lead
with velvet lava lamps.
One blows bubbles
in the blacklights
of psychedelic quaaludes!
Other drops acid with the bummers
of free madness.
Will not some take hard
on purple patterns?
The draft board sings
about paisley bellbottoms.
Peace!
Silence quivers in soft revolutions.
Love!
The music quivers in the agony
of endless summers.
Shall not the sun
light fires in the latitudes
of glorious death?
My cuckoo's humor!
Angels and sailors!
Her thigh dwells in the delight
of green sadness,
As the desert lingers long
on dark laughter.
The stranger dances
to black caravans.
Wake up!
PAR
Written by PAR
(PAULO ACACIO RAMOS)
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Your Uber is Here
To make extra money I signed up to be an Uber driver
So I took my car to get detailed and waxed
Later that night I would pick up my first customer
And the person who booked it, his name was Max
It was a late Saturday night so people are out drinking
I had to pick up Max over at La Cienega’s restaurant row
There were a lot of folks up and down the street
The smell of food seemed to be everywhere I’d go
When I got to the place I kept looking for this guy Max
But no one seemed to be looking for my car and make
So I parked and messaged him saying, “your Uber is here”
And he replied “would you open the door for me mate”
I got out of the car but I still didn’t see any body
Baffled I thought I might be at the wrong block
“I don’t see you” I said as I looked for this man
“I’m right here” another message came in “on the sidewalk”
I thought maybe the man had fallen on the ground
But when I went to the other side of the car no one is there
“Are you in front of the Prime Rib place” I asked
“Yes” the text said but I heard a dog bark too I swear
“There is no one here expect for a little dog” I texted
“That’s me” the dog barked then his message came in
I looked at the dog who was wearing a special collar
That looked like a mini phone but it was long and thin
“Is this some kind of joke” I said looking around
Upset and also concerned of where I’d parked
“Am I being punk’d, where is the hidden camera?”
“I can assure you it’s not a joke” Max then barked
“How is it possible?” I looked at the little dog
“My owner gave me this special collar as a gift
I know it may be a little confusing ” Max messaged
“Now are you still my ride or do I need to call Lyft?”
“No, no, please sir, won’t you come aboard” I said
“Would you be so kind as to open the door for me?
See I have no opposable thumbs” Max added
“I’ll make sure to leave a good review and a nice tip”
As I drove I asked Max about his special collar,
“Did you see the movie Up? Well it’s kind of like that,
Except my owner is a lady who is a genius inventor
But I just have be careful I don’t run into a cat”
I dropped Max off at a Mansion in the Hollywood hills
In his last bark-message he said “have a good-night sir”
I drove home thinking I had imagined the whole thing
But the next morning in the back seat I found some fur
Written by wallyroo92
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Related submission no longer exists.
Flight of Insanity
In the flight from east to west,
I learned a thing or too about me.
I finally know what suits me best!
To embrace, my original insanity.
There is no shame in my laughter,
I prefer it to the tears of my youth.
Come on, let's all laugh together...
And discover in madness the truth!
Laugh and sing, dance and play,
Life is a carnival every odd day.
Might as well enjoy all the rides!
There is nowhere that we can hide,
From the chaos that is here to stay.
Embrace it; it is never going away!
Order had its' time in the sun,
So now it's time to have some fun.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down...
Jack and Jill both broke their crown.
Where did Mary's lamb run away to?
That's a secret just for me and you!
Life is nothing but a three-ring circus,
Might as well join in the festivities.
When everyone is mad, who to trust?
We all, have our crazy proclivities!
Throw a pie, see if it hits the moon.
Party until doomsday, then swoon...
Frenzy, frenzy, there is no real end!
Little Alice is wonderland's friend.
I've seen what is real, beyond all,
Ashes, ashes, everything must fall.
I'll dress like a ballerina and prance,
Like a princess going to the ball!
I've seen what lies beyond the fence,
Where the mountains are too tall.
On the flight home, I understood,
That I have to be only what I can.
Oh the madness within my mood!
The true insanity of all that I am.
I love it, it is like the feel of silk...
Caressing my soul with softness!
I can only be me, free of any guilt,
An eagle soaring, free of distress.
Oh Kara, I fear I've lost my mind,
But this is hardly, the first time!
This madness is all mine.
I learned a thing or too about me.
I finally know what suits me best!
To embrace, my original insanity.
There is no shame in my laughter,
I prefer it to the tears of my youth.
Come on, let's all laugh together...
And discover in madness the truth!
Laugh and sing, dance and play,
Life is a carnival every odd day.
Might as well enjoy all the rides!
There is nowhere that we can hide,
From the chaos that is here to stay.
Embrace it; it is never going away!
Order had its' time in the sun,
So now it's time to have some fun.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down...
Jack and Jill both broke their crown.
Where did Mary's lamb run away to?
That's a secret just for me and you!
Life is nothing but a three-ring circus,
Might as well join in the festivities.
When everyone is mad, who to trust?
We all, have our crazy proclivities!
Throw a pie, see if it hits the moon.
Party until doomsday, then swoon...
Frenzy, frenzy, there is no real end!
Little Alice is wonderland's friend.
I've seen what is real, beyond all,
Ashes, ashes, everything must fall.
I'll dress like a ballerina and prance,
Like a princess going to the ball!
I've seen what lies beyond the fence,
Where the mountains are too tall.
On the flight home, I understood,
That I have to be only what I can.
Oh the madness within my mood!
The true insanity of all that I am.
I love it, it is like the feel of silk...
Caressing my soul with softness!
I can only be me, free of any guilt,
An eagle soaring, free of distress.
Oh Kara, I fear I've lost my mind,
But this is hardly, the first time!
This madness is all mine.
Written by Sybil_StarWitch
(Sybille Anne Martin)
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I Saw a Unicorn!
I swear I saw a unicorn,
When I went outside to play.
It was whiter than a snowflake,
And could talk just like me!
It had a single spiral horn,
That shone as bright as day.
But it would not let me take,
It's pretty horn away!
The unicorn raised such a fuss,
That the fairies came to rescue it.
They acted like I was a monster,
And took it away from me!
They only did what was just,
And off they went, away to flit.
Likely to some plot of theirs stir,
Where a child like me can't see!
But I swear I saw that unicorn,
When I went outside to play.
It was whiter than a snowflake,
And could talk just like me!
It only wanted to keep its' horn,
Because that was just its' way.
So it was okay I could not take,
Its' pretty horn away!
When I went outside to play.
It was whiter than a snowflake,
And could talk just like me!
It had a single spiral horn,
That shone as bright as day.
But it would not let me take,
It's pretty horn away!
The unicorn raised such a fuss,
That the fairies came to rescue it.
They acted like I was a monster,
And took it away from me!
They only did what was just,
And off they went, away to flit.
Likely to some plot of theirs stir,
Where a child like me can't see!
But I swear I saw that unicorn,
When I went outside to play.
It was whiter than a snowflake,
And could talk just like me!
It only wanted to keep its' horn,
Because that was just its' way.
So it was okay I could not take,
Its' pretty horn away!
Written by CrazyPrincess_Chlo
(Chloe A. Harper-Ashton)
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Harlequin Love
- Harlequin Love -
Don’t you think I’m kidding, baby!
I’m not jesting when I talk of love…
Do you want to run in my company?
I’m a harlequin with a white lace glove,
And a fist full of studs if you’re lucky!
I’m not pretending, this is how I dress:
Black and red, in a style I call pretty…
And I am not some damsel in distress.
I’m smiling at what I’ve got in store,
Because I’m a girl who loves mischief!
Oh I’ll have you begging me for more,
So I can steal your heart, like a thief.
I don’t need Cupid to work my art…
In fact I’ll shoot him dead; he’s stupid.
I’ll make you love me from the start,
And make you hang on to all I’ve said.
Some girls are jokers, and I am one,
But I’m serious about my deep desire!
I want to show you, how I have fun…
So we can burn together in love’s fire.
Some people like to play with knives,
Me, I more prefer to play with souls…
I’ll find where your tender spot thrives,
And, I’ll bring you beyond all control.
No queen of hearts could be, so mad!
In my wonderland, you play by rules…
That will either leave you smiling, glad,
Or drive you loony as a pack of fools.
We’ll play a game or two in a garden,
But in my domain the flowers all sing…
Until you’re a prisoner with no warden!
I’ve got you now, time to make it sting.
Love burns sometimes baby, you see,
So if you want to love a girl this insane:
You’d better get used to flying so free.
Though while you fly I’ll hold the chain.
Sorry, but the rabbit hole never ends…
Because baby, you are totally all mine!
Love is a gift that heals and also rends,
But with me, that gift is always sublime.
So let’s dance and prance so chaotic!
We’re free to live in any way we wish.
So let’s kiss and make love so erotic!
Tease me; please me, intense as this…
As the flame in my bosom, all blazing,
Red and black just like my cute attire.
Call me your lover; call me amazing…
And, embrace me, before you expire!
Why so serious when laughter heals?
When life’s too dull, let’s get excited.
Kiss my lips and tell me how it feels,
When I show you Heaven, delighted!
Dance with your harlequin girl today,
The love I offer doesn’t come cheap.
But the love I give is yours to stay…
If you just let it, into your heart seep.
I’ll pierce you sharper than an arrow,
But I’ll be there for you, for all time!
Both in the night and on the morrow,
Loving me is sinful, but never a crime.
Don’t you think I’m kidding, baby!
I’m not jesting when I talk of love…
Do you want to run in my company?
I’m a harlequin with a white lace glove,
And a fist full of studs if you’re lucky!
I’m not pretending, this is how I dress:
Black and red, in a style I call pretty…
And I am not some damsel in distress.
I’m smiling at what I’ve got in store,
Because I’m a girl who loves mischief!
Oh I’ll have you begging me for more,
So I can steal your heart, like a thief.
I don’t need Cupid to work my art…
In fact I’ll shoot him dead; he’s stupid.
I’ll make you love me from the start,
And make you hang on to all I’ve said.
Some girls are jokers, and I am one,
But I’m serious about my deep desire!
I want to show you, how I have fun…
So we can burn together in love’s fire.
Some people like to play with knives,
Me, I more prefer to play with souls…
I’ll find where your tender spot thrives,
And, I’ll bring you beyond all control.
No queen of hearts could be, so mad!
In my wonderland, you play by rules…
That will either leave you smiling, glad,
Or drive you loony as a pack of fools.
We’ll play a game or two in a garden,
But in my domain the flowers all sing…
Until you’re a prisoner with no warden!
I’ve got you now, time to make it sting.
Love burns sometimes baby, you see,
So if you want to love a girl this insane:
You’d better get used to flying so free.
Though while you fly I’ll hold the chain.
Sorry, but the rabbit hole never ends…
Because baby, you are totally all mine!
Love is a gift that heals and also rends,
But with me, that gift is always sublime.
So let’s dance and prance so chaotic!
We’re free to live in any way we wish.
So let’s kiss and make love so erotic!
Tease me; please me, intense as this…
As the flame in my bosom, all blazing,
Red and black just like my cute attire.
Call me your lover; call me amazing…
And, embrace me, before you expire!
Why so serious when laughter heals?
When life’s too dull, let’s get excited.
Kiss my lips and tell me how it feels,
When I show you Heaven, delighted!
Dance with your harlequin girl today,
The love I offer doesn’t come cheap.
But the love I give is yours to stay…
If you just let it, into your heart seep.
I’ll pierce you sharper than an arrow,
But I’ll be there for you, for all time!
Both in the night and on the morrow,
Loving me is sinful, but never a crime.
Written by Kou_Indigo
(Karam L. Parveen-Ashton)
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Sauce and Ants!
Sorrows stir within.
The funeral retains an aura of raucous silence from our inner cries.
It was more of a sauna, a trance of the sound of rain as I held my rose.
The sun can rest above clouds and care not to show herself to a mortal’s rest.
I look up into the falling rain and hope my prayers shall oust the day star.
There was a moment when all of us thought that we had seen a hand arose from a grave!
What could of roust a soul? Rest!
A score of ants then emerged from beneath the tan coffin lid! The mourning crowd can’t retain their stance!
So, the mourners ran! My aunt raved into a wild rant!
The hand of the corpse drove open the lid, hunched over the side of the coffin,
and out spewed a sauce of vomit and ants!
The funeral retains an aura of raucous silence from our inner cries.
It was more of a sauna, a trance of the sound of rain as I held my rose.
The sun can rest above clouds and care not to show herself to a mortal’s rest.
I look up into the falling rain and hope my prayers shall oust the day star.
There was a moment when all of us thought that we had seen a hand arose from a grave!
What could of roust a soul? Rest!
A score of ants then emerged from beneath the tan coffin lid! The mourning crowd can’t retain their stance!
So, the mourners ran! My aunt raved into a wild rant!
The hand of the corpse drove open the lid, hunched over the side of the coffin,
and out spewed a sauce of vomit and ants!
Written by gothicsurrealism
(Daniel Long)
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Anonymous
I'm soft hearted but firm...
My hubby despite our marriage of 20 years
still loves me perfectly, expertly
both verbally and physically
Then had come on my scene again
an admirer who created as if a void
and filled it with his love letters and love poetry.
But whenever an admirer
creates love's vacuum in my lovelife
that was non existent before
I've always managed to brush it aside
with chastity's vacuum cleaner lol.
Or I sweep it under the rug ,
can't get stuck in the dirt of the flirt😉
Only marital love can sweep me off my feet.
His poetic charm created in me love poetry's chasm
and I tried awhile to be a balm to his obsession's spasm .
Yet my wedlock is a high walled fortress
even if I'm no crowned regal princess
So while my hubby still bills and coos in love
this admirer inked me his billet doux
What a batter, what a roux!
I'm softhearted but not towards soft porn
Thank God its over, phew!.
still loves me perfectly, expertly
both verbally and physically
Then had come on my scene again
an admirer who created as if a void
and filled it with his love letters and love poetry.
But whenever an admirer
creates love's vacuum in my lovelife
that was non existent before
I've always managed to brush it aside
with chastity's vacuum cleaner lol.
Or I sweep it under the rug ,
can't get stuck in the dirt of the flirt😉
Only marital love can sweep me off my feet.
His poetic charm created in me love poetry's chasm
and I tried awhile to be a balm to his obsession's spasm .
Yet my wedlock is a high walled fortress
even if I'm no crowned regal princess
So while my hubby still bills and coos in love
this admirer inked me his billet doux
What a batter, what a roux!
I'm softhearted but not towards soft porn
Thank God its over, phew!.
Written by Lunaah
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