deepundergroundpoetry.com
Heaven Takes Away
Back then...
Granny had said that I was a particular child.
How I spent too much time questioning all
of the unreasonable things.
That I was tiresome to her,
when she'd take me to church, and
I wouldn't sit still while listening
to the nonsense of some mortal man
on a stage.
Because I could talk to God anytime,
without that interpreter giving me
his own version.
I'd tell granny, God doesn't see it that way.
She'd just shush me, sometimes handing me
a half-stick of gum to occupy my time.
I'd chew silently then, and stare
up at the crucifix behind the preacher.
I knew, that wasn't exactly how
or why it all happened.
God had no direct descendants, and
Jesus was too much of a loud mouth,
without a grandmother to silence him with gum.
As a child, I also didn't understand
why the church called my family "dirt poor".
We had plenty of it.
My brother and I wore it like a cloak,
and we'd blend with the creatures at dusk.
Confusing any wild animals
that may have lurked along the trails
that cut through the woodlines
that we'd venture through.
-Safer than streets, or sidewalks.
(We heard stories of missing kids, from town).
But we never worried; No one wanted us.
Not even our mother.
-My dad had told me that I was a difficult birth
and mom never recovered.
I figured ten years would've been enough,
but no. I'd check on her and she'd still overlook me,
even as I flicked lit matches onto her bed.
Not really, it was just a thought.
Like the other ideas, that tried
to rip themselves out of my head.
I suppose it was God, who'd tell me no,
that's not the way she will be leaving.
But dad went first. Surrounded by his demon friends.
As invisible as they were loud.
He was too tired to fight them, by then.
He had insisted that we burn him.
Leave nothing, he had begged.
But I took a few things.
His knife; I'd fight back, like
the little terror mom claimed that I was.
My friend, Pelki, a Jewish kid,
(but I didn't care what team
he was assigned to), he died.
We were all playing by the tower
and lightning struck the roof.
-I felt my bones vibrate, I felt
my fingers extend into blue branches.
Pelki was now sleeping on the ground.
As perfect as he was seconds ago.
Losing a friend like that
wasn't the same as moving away,
when we could always hope
that they'd have a good life further on.
But not like this.
Like this, hope is buried with them.
And their book is closed.
Any stories of them, good or bad,
will stay that way.
Like my dad's story...
Mom always called him a bastard,
but I had read him differently.
He was a broken crow,
always wishing to fly away,
but his directions were just circles.
I was glad for that,
even if I could see his eyes
always focusing on a yonder sky.
It wasn't so selfish, to want my dad to stay?
Pelki's mom was a quiet neighbor.
No music, no TV, no barking dog.
No children.
I'd cut her grass, bringing a roar
to her days, for five dollars.
But I think I would have done it for free by then.
Just to sit with her, in the vast silence
of her kitchen. While she baked bread and pies,
just to give them to the truly needy-hungry.
I'd pretend that she adopted me.
And even though we looked nothing alike,
I'd tell everyone that she was my mom.
-That I wasn't dark-skinned
because lightning had bleached me.
That she accepted me, still, as is.
Sometimes, she'd pull my head back
by my sweaty hair, just to kiss
my forehead. She'd tell me that
I was a good kid, that I'd be
a good man someday.
And to stay away from the tower.
I wanted to tell her,
I climbed to the top of it, every day.
Where I'd wait;
God owed me, so many explanations.
All I ever saw, though, were birds.
Some leaving, some circling.
One, a crow. Always around,
watching me, protesting,
not letting me
look down.
~~~
Published 24th Sep 2023
| Edited 18th Feb 2024
Author's Note
Live life.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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24th Sep 2023 6:13pm
Your childhood was full of stress. Mother did not accept this is a matter of greatest sorrow.. I hope your upcoming time helps you to forget the past difficult times...
24th Sep 2023 11:43pm
Hey Dimpy.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Although much of this write is based on truth, it does take some liberty with things.
And, I am a pretty happy guy by nature. There were enough good people in my past to get me through. I see it as things evening out.
Since then, life is however we choose to see it. It's good to have the chances.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Although much of this write is based on truth, it does take some liberty with things.
And, I am a pretty happy guy by nature. There were enough good people in my past to get me through. I see it as things evening out.
Since then, life is however we choose to see it. It's good to have the chances.
24th Sep 2023 6:31pm
They say that, don't they? I don't know who 'they' are btw but they say, "The Lord giveth & the Lord takeyh away!" Especially true after a tornado has just swept through, right? Yours is a very moving story; tragic about Pelki, so unlucky! Personally, I began delving deeper into God around 10 years or so ago. I know you gotta have faith to believe it, even if some of it sounds like nonsense, as in the talking donkey in the old testament or the immaculate conception even, let alone convincing yourself that Jesus is the son of God. I believe many are able to believe because they don't take all that is written in the bible literally but instead chose to interpret/exchange said text metaphorically; a bit like us poets, right? 😉
24th Sep 2023 11:51pm
What's up!
I don't knock religion much, because it steers people towards a good life of good choices.
But, I've always been too analytical for my own good. A student is limited by the amount of the teacher's knowledge. I tend to look beyond the teacher. Wrong or right, my instincts steer me pretty well.
Thanks for your insight. I always appreciate other's outlooks. It's how we expand our own thoughts.
I don't knock religion much, because it steers people towards a good life of good choices.
But, I've always been too analytical for my own good. A student is limited by the amount of the teacher's knowledge. I tend to look beyond the teacher. Wrong or right, my instincts steer me pretty well.
Thanks for your insight. I always appreciate other's outlooks. It's how we expand our own thoughts.
24th Sep 2023 7:02pm
Just beautiful-- I could see each scene, like an old black and white photo, the ones you could step right into and live in them.
25th Sep 2023 00:10am
Hiya ML.
This write just spewed out of my head non-stop. Because it came from a short story that I ended up dumping. The attached picture definitely helps set the tone too, although it was picked after the write was done.
The ending was out of nowhere, though. It just wrote itself.
Thanks for the props on this. It did have me moody while writing it. But I got over it. I'm happy that you let me know the result pays off.
This write just spewed out of my head non-stop. Because it came from a short story that I ended up dumping. The attached picture definitely helps set the tone too, although it was picked after the write was done.
The ending was out of nowhere, though. It just wrote itself.
Thanks for the props on this. It did have me moody while writing it. But I got over it. I'm happy that you let me know the result pays off.
24th Sep 2023 9:50pm
Wonderful write. You put so much into this work. It is so powerful and personal.
25th Sep 2023 00:16am
Thanks T, I appreciate it. It was a short story in the making, that I hacked apart and just wrote this instead. Maybe some of the frustration of the story effort leaked into this version.
It works though, I think.
It works though, I think.
25th Sep 2023 00:42am
Dear S,
I think this is far more powerful as a poem. The experiences are stripped down and immediate. I didn’t sense frustration in the writing. If there was frustration, it added to the overall feel of the writing.
I think this is far more powerful as a poem. The experiences are stripped down and immediate. I didn’t sense frustration in the writing. If there was frustration, it added to the overall feel of the writing.
25th Sep 2023 00:48am
Hell, most of my stuff I don't even call it poetry, actually. More in line with a prose approach.
I do write pure poetry on occasion, but this style is more my norm. It suits me.
Maintaining the interest of a reader in a short story is obviously more of a task. But i like creating scenarios. You make an excellent point, though, about "immediate" being more impactful. A great point.
I do write pure poetry on occasion, but this style is more my norm. It suits me.
Maintaining the interest of a reader in a short story is obviously more of a task. But i like creating scenarios. You make an excellent point, though, about "immediate" being more impactful. A great point.
24th Sep 2023 10:11pm
Lightning, crows, a tower ...this is like a fable, yet a clearly real childhood, with complicated braided lives. Just amazing.
25th Sep 2023 00:21am
What a cool reply, Pink. I didn't purposely aim for a dark tone. It just developed with my mood at the time?
One thing is true, I will never run out of ideas to write about. I try to switch up my writes, to keep it interesting to a reader. Maybe also purging myself a bit, too.
One thing is true, I will never run out of ideas to write about. I try to switch up my writes, to keep it interesting to a reader. Maybe also purging myself a bit, too.
24th Sep 2023 10:48pm
You have a talent for keeping a dated piece in sync with your voice.
It's the perfect blend of adolescence and adulthood.
When reading it's easy to put myself in that frame of mind of whichever age is present.
You got a talent mister. It shouldn't be wasted. This piece should go in your collage of pieces
when you decide to publish.
Outstanding write!!!
It's the perfect blend of adolescence and adulthood.
When reading it's easy to put myself in that frame of mind of whichever age is present.
You got a talent mister. It shouldn't be wasted. This piece should go in your collage of pieces
when you decide to publish.
Outstanding write!!!
25th Sep 2023 00:32am
My talent isn't wasted. It got me to DUP, in a roundabout way.
It got me an awesome partner to share dreams with...
Perhaps publishing will happen soonish. But my fortune is now.
Thanks for that, for being you.
It got me an awesome partner to share dreams with...
Perhaps publishing will happen soonish. But my fortune is now.
Thanks for that, for being you.
25th Sep 2023 00:37am
Your writing is inspiring but I'm actually in love with the man;)
If your passion was camping I'd find a way to deal cause you're that awesome!! Although I'd try to steer you towards glamping. hehehe
And I saw that!! No eye rolling!
If your passion was camping I'd find a way to deal cause you're that awesome!! Although I'd try to steer you towards glamping. hehehe
And I saw that!! No eye rolling!
25th Sep 2023 00:53am
Camping will be delegated to the back patio.... maybe the yard if we're feeling really adventurous!
I got all my camping experiences done in my army years, babe. Comfort is ours!
Aww, dang it, you said you're in love with me! I take back the eye-roll.
I got all my camping experiences done in my army years, babe. Comfort is ours!
Aww, dang it, you said you're in love with me! I take back the eye-roll.
25th Sep 2023 1:23am
I love the way you write. I wish I could pinpoint the feeling it gives me. Some sort of sad, hopeful, forlorn comfort... LOL yeah, I dunno! Words escape me. A frequent occurrence of late.
❤k
❤k
27th Sep 2023 3:11am
Lucky for me then, that words didn't escape you entirely! Because I like your descriptive choice of words. You literally picked all the right ones that goes through me when I write such stuff.
I end up sighing a lot. Because like many, I do miss parts of my life back then. It had as much good as it did bad. I figure I broke even after all.
Thank you, k. I always appreciate you dropping in.
I end up sighing a lot. Because like many, I do miss parts of my life back then. It had as much good as it did bad. I figure I broke even after all.
Thank you, k. I always appreciate you dropping in.
25th Sep 2023 2:38am
Dear S,
Wow. That was intense. 3D in fact. Live action and very moving. I think I’ve finally placed the timbre of your voice. It’s Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. There’s a comfort and lesson in every word and story you write. It’s unassuming yet powerful. H🌷
Wow. That was intense. 3D in fact. Live action and very moving. I think I’ve finally placed the timbre of your voice. It’s Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. There’s a comfort and lesson in every word and story you write. It’s unassuming yet powerful. H🌷
27th Sep 2023 3:20am
Dearest H,
I swear, no mockingbirds were harmed in the making of my story!
And what a hell of a compliment you gave me. Damn, thank you.
You're right, ya know. I try to paint some positives within the negatives a lot. I've always tried to have a good outlook. I knew, growing up, that I'd eventually outgrow most things. Out run, or out live.
Until I'm told otherwise, tomorrows are limitless. That's where hope aims. Right?
Therefore, nothing bad will last.
I swear, no mockingbirds were harmed in the making of my story!
And what a hell of a compliment you gave me. Damn, thank you.
You're right, ya know. I try to paint some positives within the negatives a lot. I've always tried to have a good outlook. I knew, growing up, that I'd eventually outgrow most things. Out run, or out live.
Until I'm told otherwise, tomorrows are limitless. That's where hope aims. Right?
Therefore, nothing bad will last.
26th Sep 2023 8:59am
I think if you are going to question something, always use open ended questions , so they can't say no or yes. For instance, instead of saying "are you good today" shd say yes or no. Instead say " what did you do today?" Then the story begins, and don't forget to infect them, if they tell you they hate roses, infect them say something like " yeah what if they hate you"
And if everyone called you " dirt poor" it's because your mother is maybe talking about the bills too much, like," oh I've got such a bad time with the electricity bill"
You write with the sound of your true soul. I can hear you clearly, you are very creative and it sounds like you're a respectable member of your family. Because you actually take the TIME out to investigate for their safety for love for the goodness.
I want to see you write more. Very inventive, keep it up!
And if everyone called you " dirt poor" it's because your mother is maybe talking about the bills too much, like," oh I've got such a bad time with the electricity bill"
You write with the sound of your true soul. I can hear you clearly, you are very creative and it sounds like you're a respectable member of your family. Because you actually take the TIME out to investigate for their safety for love for the goodness.
I want to see you write more. Very inventive, keep it up!
27th Sep 2023 3:31am
Actually, saying dirt poor wasn't literal. I used it as effect. We were "low income".
As for my mother, eventually, she spent the rent that dad gave her, on pills, four months in a row. We found out when we got evicted. So there's that.
Thank you so much for your in depth comment. And complimentary ending paragraph. I do try to be a decent person, and write decent material worth reading. So thank you.
As for my mother, eventually, she spent the rent that dad gave her, on pills, four months in a row. We found out when we got evicted. So there's that.
Thank you so much for your in depth comment. And complimentary ending paragraph. I do try to be a decent person, and write decent material worth reading. So thank you.
28th Sep 2023 4:19pm
So many poets invent, having nothing to say. But you, you have had a life of momentous events and fascinating people. And you have the facility to talk to the world. Great stuff, Styxian.
1st Oct 2023 4:03pm
How have you been Alviola?
I think we all have similar characters in our lives, over the years. We just seem to perceive them more in depth or not. No? Even simple things have their complexities, when we dwell on them.
The older I get, the better I see.
I definitely write better than I talk!
Thanks for popping in and boosting me up a bit!
I think we all have similar characters in our lives, over the years. We just seem to perceive them more in depth or not. No? Even simple things have their complexities, when we dwell on them.
The older I get, the better I see.
I definitely write better than I talk!
Thanks for popping in and boosting me up a bit!
1st Oct 2023 6:44pm
28th Sep 2023 9:11pm
I'm copping a Richard Russo / Richard Ford buzz and many others. The thing is it's none of them, it's you Mark. Yeah do what your woman A tells you. PUBLISH
BIG LIKE
RL Man
BIG LIKE
RL Man
1st Oct 2023 4:11pm
Good morning Gary!
Del is working on her own path to publishing now, which is awesome! And it's waking up my old urge to do the same. I'm too leisure with such a goal, though. I never expected such a task to make me money. But, it's a nice token to leave behind so the world knows that I was here for a bit.
I have to get it done eventually. I'm going to run out of "eventually"s, eventually. Lol.
I really appreciate the encouragement. I've always enjoyed writing, I should have something tangible to show for it, I know .
Del is working on her own path to publishing now, which is awesome! And it's waking up my old urge to do the same. I'm too leisure with such a goal, though. I never expected such a task to make me money. But, it's a nice token to leave behind so the world knows that I was here for a bit.
I have to get it done eventually. I'm going to run out of "eventually"s, eventually. Lol.
I really appreciate the encouragement. I've always enjoyed writing, I should have something tangible to show for it, I know .
28th Sep 2023 11:15pm
That oh too familiar feeling of detachment and wanting answers. You have an awesome way of putting poetic stories together.
LJ
LJ
1st Oct 2023 4:17pm
"Detachment". What a great description. I didn't see it until you pointed it out. And yes, I'm guilty as hell about that over the years. It's a survival thing.
Poetic stories is a good descriptor. It's a comfort spot for me, where I can deal with thoughts in a controlled atmosphere.
I appreciate your on point comment. And that's an awesome avatar that you're rocking!
Poetic stories is a good descriptor. It's a comfort spot for me, where I can deal with thoughts in a controlled atmosphere.
I appreciate your on point comment. And that's an awesome avatar that you're rocking!
1st Oct 2023 10:04pm
Wow... this is steep in authenticity... flawless in its execution... relatable... provoking... bold yet vulnerable... excellent from start to finish...
I have no problem talking with God... She doesn't need a translator or a transcriptionist... I learned at nine not to listen to anyone who presumes to speak for Her...
I have no problem talking with God... She doesn't need a translator or a transcriptionist... I learned at nine not to listen to anyone who presumes to speak for Her...
1st Oct 2023 10:39pm
Hey you!
I admire and appreciate your version of God being a female, actually. I've said that before myself. We just don't know, obviously. But I would lean towards a creator with kinder intentions. And that usually means a feminine trait. Because men, on average, are far more destroyers than women, for sure.
I'm bold enough to be vulnerable. It makes life more tolerable.
And I love your comment! Thanks for that.
I admire and appreciate your version of God being a female, actually. I've said that before myself. We just don't know, obviously. But I would lean towards a creator with kinder intentions. And that usually means a feminine trait. Because men, on average, are far more destroyers than women, for sure.
I'm bold enough to be vulnerable. It makes life more tolerable.
And I love your comment! Thanks for that.
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Apr 2024 6:45am
1st Oct 2023 10:23pm
<< post removed >>
1st Oct 2023 10:58pm
Hello Sandy. Welcome to DUP. (It aint too bad in here. Lol)
Thank you very much for your comment. I do try to make my material interesting to a reader. Because that's the point when sharing it to a forum such as DUP.
I'm looking forward to reading your own material very soon. And again, welcome to the place. There's several awesome writers to check out in here. So enjoy the company.
Thank you very much for your comment. I do try to make my material interesting to a reader. Because that's the point when sharing it to a forum such as DUP.
I'm looking forward to reading your own material very soon. And again, welcome to the place. There's several awesome writers to check out in here. So enjoy the company.
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Apr 2024 6:45am
1st Oct 2023 11:03pm
<< post removed >>
2nd Oct 2023 2:48am
this reminds me a bit of Rime of the Ancient Mariner: the speaker, resentful of parents, bereft of friendship, strays, returns to ground of cthonic, mother-earth cults, jewish mysticism.
the Jew,
the ground / dirt,
the tower,
the widow,
the alienation with his own parents, and inability to bond with church congregants--
these are the elements that perform the work of the poem.
Much to enjoy!
And LIKED!
the Jew,
the ground / dirt,
the tower,
the widow,
the alienation with his own parents, and inability to bond with church congregants--
these are the elements that perform the work of the poem.
Much to enjoy!
And LIKED!
2nd Oct 2023 3:13am
Well damn, your descriptive comment blows away my write. But I dig it. Very informative, and valuable knowledge you've shared.
I've heard/read that there are no new ideas left in the world. That all are nowadays just rehashed stories. Perhaps so. But just because they're all milkshakes doesn't mean we can't create our own flavors.
Side note; My brother and I were literally inseparable most of our free time growing up. We were nothing alike at all. Yet, we get what is dealt us when it comes to family.
He was the younger, troublesome one. I'm pretty sure looking out for him helped mold me.
I've heard/read that there are no new ideas left in the world. That all are nowadays just rehashed stories. Perhaps so. But just because they're all milkshakes doesn't mean we can't create our own flavors.
Side note; My brother and I were literally inseparable most of our free time growing up. We were nothing alike at all. Yet, we get what is dealt us when it comes to family.
He was the younger, troublesome one. I'm pretty sure looking out for him helped mold me.
