Who am I ?
You heard it right. This is the only question I keep asking myself every now and then and for a long time it has remained unanswered. Why only this question? Because it soar emerged from an inexplicable incident in my life which left me with no clue about my whereabouts and through this question somehow I try to understand what actually happened that day. Why am I posting it here ? Because I think poets are more close to inexplicable things then the science does.
Here is a summary of that incident and if anyone among you knows anything about it plz let me know.
So this was the time when I was in University about 7-8 years back. I used to go to a house of an elderly couple which was more of an ashram, in the morning. Their house was about 4-6 kms far from the place where I lived. The husband who was nearabout 70-80 years old would conduct dynamic meditation there early in the morning at 6-7 am and about 7-8 young men including me were participating In it. As there was no mode of transport straight to that house and I had to join my college classes at 10:00 am, so just to save time I used to run or jog from my place to that house. Everything was as usual till 4th-6th day. But then one day, after 1-2 kms run, I noticed that something inside me got standstill. It was like I was perspiring and putting efforts in running, but some point within me got stuck and standstill. I didn't make much fuss about it in my mind and continued running and noticing that standstill point as I had to reach the meditation session on time. After sometime another strange thing happened. This time I felt I got standstill and the body was running on it's own. This was more delightful experience than before because I felt the body was running on it own and I was not putting any effort in it. It was like I was just seeing from inside my body. I could see the body running, feel the flowing breeze and the sun rays falling on me. It was like I was standstill inside and watching from inside my running body whatever was happening around. Everything happening around seemed beautiful. I don't know how long this state lasted but then that thing happened which I had never imagined and never heard before. Suddenly I felt or watched or sensed some presence inside my belly. Such presence I had never come across in my life before. It was there. And within few seconds thoughts kept my mind, " what is it?". At first instance I thought there were two person inside my body, I and that presence. And in a few following moments a totally confused, perplexed state arose inside me as my mind was completely bewildered and kept raising questions like "what is it?", "from where has it come from?", "Am I dreaming, is it real?", "This is here but what is it?". After a few moments, I realized there were actually three persons inside me. First that presence, second that perplexed confused mind who was continuously asking and raising questions about that presence and the third who was seeing that presence and perplexed mind simultaneously. Till now I try to remember what has happened that day and somehow try to figure it out who was I?... Am I that presence which I never felt again after that incident. Am I that mind which is writing this incident and which was perplexed that day. Or am I that one which was seeing the mind and that presence that day?.
Who am I ?