I was thirty, when I was ten.
When you anointed me, with fists
it caused me a crown
When the points brought blood
you drew liquid red slashes
upon my downturned cheeks
Then you paraded me around the room
pulling me along by my matted hair
With each stumble, reminding me
that if I fell yet again
I wouldn't walk anymore that day
As fear would cause me to stay
The oddest part, including the other things
was how the lights were always on
and always during the day
So contrary to suspicions
-No one else home, to intervene
Time never stopped
it never waited for me
to catch my breath
I couldn't learn to speak right
I could never gain much weight
They concluded how metabolism
made me what I was, and wasn't
No one could see, my mind feeding
off of my body.
Time never slept, yet never filled anything
so I ate what I could;
A belly full of dreams.
It became a hiding place, the dark
I realised that if I couldn't see the monsters
then thus, they would never see me
I finally smiled, alone, in the darkness
I built an imaginary castle
inside that pitch black closet
I learned to ride the horse there;
Black, strong, wild
It took me far beyond your eyes
to somewhere calm in the distance.
You never did find me
Well, just my body
I rode that horse, back into an abyss
of fantastic dreams
I could still feel the pricks against my skin
but they were merely thorns
as I tore wildly through
my make believe forest
upon that determined steed.
I felt those pricks, upon my skin
but they were only thorns
trying to get in
I rode them out, my dark horse
carried me, until I slept
I forgot the parts I was supposed to forget
My child's mind playing tricks
from all the nightmares
that you gave me in handfuls
I was never ready for what was next
Yet my dark horse bowed, lifted me
until I no longer felt a thing.
But each candle on the cake
gave me legs for my escape
Then I spent years, reversing my age
trying to realign each growing phase
Of where I belonged
of where I meant to be
when I reached true thirty.
I do recall my homecoming
I brought with me the perfect rose
whose thorns folded over
for my gentle hands
This budding romance was all I had
to show that I had grown into a man
As proof, that I was beyond you
Yet so quick, so effortless
you shredded everything about her
Bit down with your vicious voice
and cold, winter words.
I stood defeated
as you slapped me into reality
You screamed of how you're dying
and taking me along for your ride.
But, if Lucifer really wanted me too
then he should have been ready.
All as suddenly I stood
I found that crown of thorns
I rose, my old dark horse raising me higher
Nightmares carried me for years
gave me this wild steed
to beat you down to your knees
Bow, witches find lasting comfort
shrieking back into their pit
Hell left a door hanging open
for your falling backasswards
as you took a flaming exit
A crowded house burns the loudest.
In the aftermath,
I gathered the rose
and the petals, in pieces
I tried to rub away her scorn
But her thorns now stood erect
not allowing me.
I should have warned her;
My mother isn't well,
has never been.
And I was thirty
The same as ten.