deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dark Horse
I was thirty, when I was ten.
~
When you anointed me, with fists
it caused me a crown
When the points brought blood
you drew liquid red slashes
upon my downturned cheeks
Then you paraded me around the room
pulling me along by my matted hair
With each stumble, reminding me
that if I fell yet again
I wouldn't walk anymore that day
As fear would cause me to stay
down
The oddest part, including the other things
was how the lights were always on
and always during the day
So contrary to suspicions
-No one else home, to intervene
No witnesses.
~
Time never stopped
it never waited for me
to catch my breath
I couldn't learn to speak right
I could never gain much weight
They concluded how metabolism
made me what I was, and wasn't
No one could see, my mind feeding
off of my body.
Time never slept, yet never filled anything
so I ate what I could;
A belly full of dreams.
It became a hiding place, the dark
I realised that if I couldn't see the monsters
then thus, they would never see me
I finally smiled, alone, in the darkness
I built an imaginary castle
inside that pitch black closet
I learned to ride the horse there;
Black, strong, wild
It took me far beyond your eyes
to somewhere calm in the distance.
You never did find me
Well, just my body
I rode that horse, back into an abyss
of fantastic dreams
I could still feel the pricks against my skin
but they were merely thorns
as I tore wildly through
my make believe forest
upon that determined steed.
I felt those pricks, upon my skin
but they were only thorns
trying to get in
I rode them out, my dark horse
carried me, until I slept
alone again.
I forgot the parts I was supposed to forget
My child's mind playing tricks
from all the nightmares
that you gave me in handfuls
I was never ready for what was next
Yet my dark horse bowed, lifted me
until I no longer felt a thing.
~
But each candle on the cake
gave me legs for my escape
Then I spent years, reversing my age
trying to realign each growing phase
Of where I belonged
of where I meant to be
when I reached true thirty.
I do recall my homecoming
I brought with me the perfect rose
whose thorns folded over
for my gentle hands
This budding romance was all I had
to show that I had grown into a man
As proof, that I was beyond you
Yet so quick, so effortless
you shredded everything about her
Bit down with your vicious voice
and cold, winter words.
I stood defeated
as you slapped me into reality
You screamed of how you're dying
and taking me along for your ride.
But, if Lucifer really wanted me too
then he should have been ready.
All as suddenly I stood
I found that crown of thorns
I rose, my old dark horse raising me higher
Nightmares carried me for years
gave me this wild steed
to beat you down to your knees
Bow, witches find lasting comfort
shrieking back into their pit
Hell left a door hanging open
for your falling backasswards
as you took a flaming exit
A crowded house burns the loudest.
In the aftermath,
I gathered the rose
and the petals, in pieces
I tried to rub away her scorn
But her thorns now stood erect
not allowing me.
I should have warned her;
My mother isn't well,
has never been.
~
And I was thirty
The same as ten.
~~~
Published 14th Oct 2023
Author's Note
An oldie, edited.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 7
comments 17
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14th Oct 2023 3:43pm
15th Oct 2023 10:22pm
Writing it out is the best therapy. Get it out and move on. Right?
It's always worked for me .
Thank you, Billy.
It's always worked for me .
Thank you, Billy.
14th Oct 2023 4:12pm
The passage of life is often thru tunnels of pain and tears.
Super well done.
hugs/love,
buddhakitty.
Super well done.
hugs/love,
buddhakitty.
15th Oct 2023 10:24pm
*Sounds like a troublesome birth, for sure! I've always seen myself as ahead in life, regardless.
Thanks BK.
Thanks BK.
14th Oct 2023 5:05pm
'I ate what I could;
A belly full of dreams.'
As a woman with a Motherwound, and an unseen horse I rode while young, this howled to me. What a gift.
A belly full of dreams.'
As a woman with a Motherwound, and an unseen horse I rode while young, this howled to me. What a gift.
15th Oct 2023 10:30pm
"...a motherwound"
That phrase is the coolest thing I've seen in a long while. How clever!
Lately I'm purging my gloom out. Blame Halloween.
The dark horse was an actual thing, btw. It's like I could make out the form of a face, but not quite, as it talked to me. Perhaps it was a kid's imagination. But it came in handy all the same.
I appreciate your comment very much.
That phrase is the coolest thing I've seen in a long while. How clever!
Lately I'm purging my gloom out. Blame Halloween.
The dark horse was an actual thing, btw. It's like I could make out the form of a face, but not quite, as it talked to me. Perhaps it was a kid's imagination. But it came in handy all the same.
I appreciate your comment very much.
14th Oct 2023 5:19pm
15th Oct 2023 10:32pm
Many times when we post our writes, we hope to be understood. Even if it's due to misfortunes, acknowledgement makes it feel less alone. So thank you.
14th Oct 2023 9:56pm
15th Oct 2023 10:37pm
Yep. I'm working out some dark themes so I can move on to brighter ones.
I don't want to be all sunshine all the time. Boring!
I don't want to be all sunshine all the time. Boring!
Wow. How do I praise a piece like this when it is so painful to read. You're a wonderful
human being. I can't imagine your origins came from such a dark place. You broke the cycle.
Good for you:) You're home life can mold who you become but you obviously overcame that
and didn't let it get the best of you. I feel so fortunate to know you!
You are a phenomena!!.
human being. I can't imagine your origins came from such a dark place. You broke the cycle.
Good for you:) You're home life can mold who you become but you obviously overcame that
and didn't let it get the best of you. I feel so fortunate to know you!
You are a phenomena!!.
15th Oct 2023 10:48pm
I had more good people around me than bad back then. Not all are so lucky.
And nowadays, I am very fortunate. Go ahead, ask me why.
Hey, October 19th....
Bring your cinnamon. I'm a raison. Let's play bagel.
And nowadays, I am very fortunate. Go ahead, ask me why.
Hey, October 19th....
Bring your cinnamon. I'm a raison. Let's play bagel.
16th Oct 2023 6:11am
23rd Oct 2023 3:17am
Dear S,
No better therapy than writing it out to sort the mass quantities of emotions. The imagery of the relationship is so profound and the connection of your child self and adult self is so poignant. Those wounds never seem to disappear only fade it would seem. As always your writing touches the inner most sacred part of the heart. H🌷
No better therapy than writing it out to sort the mass quantities of emotions. The imagery of the relationship is so profound and the connection of your child self and adult self is so poignant. Those wounds never seem to disappear only fade it would seem. As always your writing touches the inner most sacred part of the heart. H🌷
26th Oct 2023 2:03am
Thanks H. This is an older one that I hacked at a bit. I took some of the harsher parts out actually.
Because it is "old news" so to speak.
The best revenge is having a good life after the fact. I've done that. Sometimes a little cleansing is needed, over the years. To get our demons out. I have none.
Because it is "old news" so to speak.
The best revenge is having a good life after the fact. I've done that. Sometimes a little cleansing is needed, over the years. To get our demons out. I have none.
Anonymous
13th Dec 2023 00:52am
I think what I find most fascinating here is how the horse almost becomes a metaphor. This embodiment of Lucifer mentioned later on. It becomes a spectre, moving through the page, gathering speed, and the blood, and the fists, and the violence melt slowly into one writhing beast.
Can’t say that the experience here isn’t rich. It digs deep.
Can’t say that the experience here isn’t rich. It digs deep.
13th Dec 2023 1:35am
You nailed it, Goya. It's the pent up emotions and frustrations eventually being released. -This is the short version reply. I get too wordy. Lol.
Thank you for your on point assessment. It's always appreciated.
Thank you for your on point assessment. It's always appreciated.
