Least Read Funny Poems
#funny
Least read funny poems. Find an undiscovered masterpiece in the DU Poetry least read poems.
missjem56
Poem Published
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
Preferring The Horn
The pauper porpoise poet
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
#betrayal
#fish
#funny
#satirical
#surreal
52 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
1st Dec 2024 7:28pm
1st Dec 2024 7:28pm
Papier Mache
If i were
a celebrity
I'd fill condoms
with dirty waters
And throw them
at reporters
From the paparazzi,
and others from the gutter
Then wander off happily,
with barely an utter
by Jemia
a celebrity
I'd fill condoms
with dirty waters
And throw them
at reporters
From the paparazzi,
and others from the gutter
Then wander off happily,
with barely an utter
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#revenge
52 reads
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MalcolmG
Poem Published
15th Dec 2024 8:55am
15th Dec 2024 8:55am
Welcome to Hell ...
Welcome, dear soul, to the fiery embrace,
Where pleasure and sin find their rightful place.
Forget what you’ve heard, the lies they’ve spread
Hell’s not torment; it’s where life’s truly led.
Lust and desire aren’t vices to shame,
They’re art forms perfected in passion’s flame.
A dance of bodies, a feast of the flesh,
In Hell, these pleasures are always fresh.
Heaven may promise a cloud and a harp,
But its paradise is tepid, stale, and sharp.
No touch, no taste, no thrill of the chase
Just hymns on repeat in a sterile space. ...
Where pleasure and sin find their rightful place.
Forget what you’ve heard, the lies they’ve spread
Hell’s not torment; it’s where life’s truly led.
Lust and desire aren’t vices to shame,
They’re art forms perfected in passion’s flame.
A dance of bodies, a feast of the flesh,
In Hell, these pleasures are always fresh.
Heaven may promise a cloud and a harp,
But its paradise is tepid, stale, and sharp.
No touch, no taste, no thrill of the chase
Just hymns on repeat in a sterile space. ...
#devil
#funny
#heaven
#hell
#religion
52 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
18th Dec 2024 2:45am
18th Dec 2024 2:45am
Time For The Goblet Of Honey
There's a toilet roll
By my shoulder
Tis true
But not there
For the loo
But a random aitchoo
It's currently looped
Over the stem
Of a bottle
Of balsamic vinegar
Which is half sticking
Out of a drawer
Of a bookcase
With no books
After this write
And read
You too
May fancy mead!
by Jemia
By my shoulder
Tis true
But not there
For the loo
But a random aitchoo
It's currently looped
Over the stem
Of a bottle
Of balsamic vinegar
Which is half sticking
Out of a drawer
Of a bookcase
With no books
After this write
And read
You too
May fancy mead!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#philosophical
#satirical
#surreal
53 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
20th Dec 2024 00:18am
20th Dec 2024 00:18am
Monkey Business?
as a
post op
trans thingymajig
, ive noticed
hat ive had a few
'looks'
when peeps have perhaps,
mis-heard
me saying
" ive got a very sore coccyx!
ironic,
as i was born i
n the year
of the Monkey! 🙂 🦋
by Jemia
post op
trans thingymajig
, ive noticed
hat ive had a few
'looks'
when peeps have perhaps,
mis-heard
me saying
" ive got a very sore coccyx!
ironic,
as i was born i
n the year
of the Monkey! 🙂 🦋
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical
53 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
3rd Jan 2025 1:10am
3rd Jan 2025 1:10am
ST(r)ANG(e)?
Angst
An anagram
Of gnats
So the best way
To get rid of gnats
Is by
Swatting the angst!
Which all makes perfect sense
To the senseless
by Jemia
An anagram
Of gnats
So the best way
To get rid of gnats
Is by
Swatting the angst!
Which all makes perfect sense
To the senseless
by Jemia
#anxiety
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
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missjem56
Poem Published
12th Jan 2025 1:03pm
12th Jan 2025 1:03pm
'I' Blames The BBC!
Since when
Did the first letter I
Become silent
In the word medicine?
Now pronounced as: medcine
Therefore:
Medcine ball?
Medcine doctor etc?
It's wrong!
Bring back the 'I'
Let it live again!
Poor thing, being ghosted like that...
'I' blames the BBC!
by Jemia
Did the first letter I
Become silent
In the word medicine?
Now pronounced as: medcine
Therefore:
Medcine ball?
Medcine doctor etc?
It's wrong!
Bring back the 'I'
Let it live again!
Poor thing, being ghosted like that...
'I' blames the BBC!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#PowerOfWords #satirical
#PowerOfWords #satirical
53 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
1st Oct 2024 1:43am
1st Oct 2024 1:43am
Weasels
i first became aware of weasels in my early childhood,
even my parents mentioned them occasionally,
but i never quite got the context of whether of not
it was facts, or fiction.
i remembered what they said,
but didn't understand
until i grew older.
so i did some extensive research on weasels
fact, and fiction,
but could never find proof of my parents words,
as there was never any evidence ever recorded
in the history of weasels,
of them ever going
pop!
by Jemia
even my parents mentioned them occasionally,
but i never quite got the context of whether of not
it was facts, or fiction.
i remembered what they said,
but didn't understand
until i grew older.
so i did some extensive research on weasels
fact, and fiction,
but could never find proof of my parents words,
as there was never any evidence ever recorded
in the history of weasels,
of them ever going
pop!
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
#satirical
54 reads
0 Comments
RobinHood
Robin
Robin
Poem Published
3rd Oct 2024 1:01pm
3rd Oct 2024 1:01pm
Smile Sweetie
#funny
#satirical
54 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
28th Dec 2024 12:59pm
28th Dec 2024 12:59pm
Nora
A witch
Upon her broken broom
Came a'crashing through my window
Into my bedroom
Sending ornaments, and such like
Smashing to the ground
I was to stupified
To say anything profound
Then she spoke,
As quietly as a wisp of smoke
"I don't suppose, if it's not to much bother!"
"I could trouble you for a cup of tea?"
So i wandered into the kitchen
Full of mystery
Wondering whether i was dreaming...........
By the time i returned to my room
She was sat down looking relaxed
Everything seemed...
Upon her broken broom
Came a'crashing through my window
Into my bedroom
Sending ornaments, and such like
Smashing to the ground
I was to stupified
To say anything profound
Then she spoke,
As quietly as a wisp of smoke
"I don't suppose, if it's not to much bother!"
"I could trouble you for a cup of tea?"
So i wandered into the kitchen
Full of mystery
Wondering whether i was dreaming...........
By the time i returned to my room
She was sat down looking relaxed
Everything seemed...
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical
#surreal
#witches
54 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
26th Oct 2024 3:14am
26th Oct 2024 3:14am
Old Flame
Guy
Pheonix
Fawkes
Set
alight
every
year
Comes
back
with
a
bang!
by Jemia
Pheonix
Fawkes
Set
alight
every
year
Comes
back
with
a
bang!
by Jemia
#funny
#rebellion
#satirical
55 reads
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missjem56
Poem Published
3rd Jan 2025 12:20pm
3rd Jan 2025 12:20pm
Baked Beings
For breakfast
I shall have bats wings
And mermaids tails
As sirens sing
And chips
And maybe, just maybe
A side dish of baked beings!
Not yet a Heinz variety
The more you eat
The more you impart
Especially, if these baked beings
Are only half baked!
by Jemia
I shall have bats wings
And mermaids tails
As sirens sing
And chips
And maybe, just maybe
A side dish of baked beings!
Not yet a Heinz variety
The more you eat
The more you impart
Especially, if these baked beings
Are only half baked!
by Jemia
#food
#funny
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
55 reads
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DU Poetry : Least Read Funny Poems
