Funny Poetry
#funny
Funny poems to make you laugh. Here you'll find all persuasions of poetic comedy, jokes and humour. This is the place for poetry which doesn't take itself too seriously!
Razzerleaf
Poem Published
Yesterday 00:43am
Yesterday 00:43am
Following the Hay Wain
We found the Shire horse smashed,
his leather straps and wooden cart
a hollow casualty of another late night row.
He stayed at home while she went out
and came home legless, dropped off by a
different car each week.
“She’s all fur coat and no knickers”
mum used to say, and then look at dad
as though he was a dog being trained
not to eat biscuits.
The morning after the night before,
found four young boys sitting on top
of a garage roof, pubescent in anticipation.
Natural selection meant the smallest
was in the...
his leather straps and wooden cart
a hollow casualty of another late night row.
He stayed at home while she went out
and came home legless, dropped off by a
different car each week.
“She’s all fur coat and no knickers”
mum used to say, and then look at dad
as though he was a dog being trained
not to eat biscuits.
The morning after the night before,
found four young boys sitting on top
of a garage roof, pubescent in anticipation.
Natural selection meant the smallest
was in the...
#sadness
#teens
#betrayal #funny
#betrayal #funny
25 reads
2 Comments
David_Macleod
Poem Published
19th Nov 2019 9:01pm
19th Nov 2019 9:01pm
DAFT'O DIL
I pen this ode to a certain flower
when I am finished I'll need to shower
I speak about the daffodil
in Scotland we call it a DAFTodill
daft equals stupid in our definition
it looks like it went through circumcision
it's stupid enough to be coloured yellow
a daffodil is a brainless fellow
stupid enough to be sometimes white
helping it grow a pile of horse shite
yellow the colour of cowardice
yellow the colour of bats' piss
and that's what it smells off
makes me choke makes me cough
too stupid to change ...
when I am finished I'll need to shower
I speak about the daffodil
in Scotland we call it a DAFTodill
daft equals stupid in our definition
it looks like it went through circumcision
it's stupid enough to be coloured yellow
a daffodil is a brainless fellow
stupid enough to be sometimes white
helping it grow a pile of horse shite
yellow the colour of cowardice
yellow the colour of bats' piss
and that's what it smells off
makes me choke makes me cough
too stupid to change ...
#flowers
#nature
#parody #funny
#parody #funny
48 reads
10 Comments
dkzksaxxas_DanielX
Poem Published
19th Nov 2019 3:11pm
19th Nov 2019 3:11pm
Stilted Wasps In Lethal Sanctuary
Full fat'tails not allowed
not allowed
not allowed
on this narrow boardwalk of
kinetic
responsibility.
They soared as do hawks.
They fly as if foolish men wit wax-wings.
They fly by as if no one was looking.
Yet,
they always come back.
Sometimes this way.
Sometimes that..........
Don't worry. Don't bother.
Happiness is no longer requisite for "reality",
&
reality the most...
not allowed
not allowed
on this narrow boardwalk of
kinetic
responsibility.
They soared as do hawks.
They fly as if foolish men wit wax-wings.
They fly by as if no one was looking.
Yet,
they always come back.
Sometimes this way.
Sometimes that..........
Don't worry. Don't bother.
Happiness is no longer requisite for "reality",
&
reality the most...
#happiness
#funny
#insomnia
#pagan
#curse
49 reads
5 Comments
Solomon_Song
Poem Published
19th Nov 2019 7:05am
19th Nov 2019 7:05am
GRAVEYARD LOVE (FUNNY ENDING)
#erotic
#rhyming
#funny
122 reads
1 Comment
eightmore
Poem Published
18th Nov 2019 2:19pm
18th Nov 2019 2:19pm
Two hundred
#sex
#erotic
#funny
188 reads
0 Comments
Razzerleaf
Poem Published
17th Nov 2019 1:46am
17th Nov 2019 1:46am
The war cabinet
Alcho-pops where are you?
that’s it, come on
don’t be shy.
Now get over there
in front of the lager.
Everyone else,
I said everyone else!
listen.
My Intel has confirmed a teenage Christmas party
so I don't want any mistakes.
Alcho-pops you're in first
and you don't stand a chance
so make your peace with
the Blue nun before you go.
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,
the rest, in the fridge.
Cherries take the night off.
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up
...
that’s it, come on
don’t be shy.
Now get over there
in front of the lager.
Everyone else,
I said everyone else!
listen.
My Intel has confirmed a teenage Christmas party
so I don't want any mistakes.
Alcho-pops you're in first
and you don't stand a chance
so make your peace with
the Blue nun before you go.
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,
the rest, in the fridge.
Cherries take the night off.
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up
...
#alcohol
#funny
33 reads
7 Comments
David_Macleod
Bumped 15th Nov 2019 2:39am
13th Sep 2019 00:26am
13th Sep 2019 00:26am
Sausage Guilt Repose - - - (Spoken Word video)
#satirical
#funny
141 reads
20 Comments
SweetOblivion
Poem Published
14th Nov 2019 11:45pm
14th Nov 2019 11:45pm
Desperate Kisses (almost a quatrain)
I kissed him desperately, so he let
Me leave, despite him standing there with dick
Hung out and hard and ready, so he'd get
His oats and satisfy his manly prick;
Me leave, despite him standing there with dick
Hung out and hard and ready, so he'd get
His oats and satisfy his manly prick;
#sex
#funny
#revenge
184 reads
11 Comments
Poetikmind
_---_
_---_
Poem Published
13th Nov 2019 10:45am
13th Nov 2019 10:45am
The Life and Times of Little Justice: Contemplative Lil J
LIFE...It’s funny, like the saying that goes:
“The more things change, the more they
stay the same.” Take for example, a particular
and very peculiar little boy aptly named, Little
Justice.
He awoke this day to a myriad of thoughts
swimming rather rampantly ( for him not
unusual) and vibrantly throughout his mind.
There were visions of not long ago interactions
he’d had with his parents, for whom he’s
acknowledged quietly unto himself he’s
known all his life. Then of course, his most
loyal, best friend and constant...
“The more things change, the more they
stay the same.” Take for example, a particular
and very peculiar little boy aptly named, Little
Justice.
He awoke this day to a myriad of thoughts
swimming rather rampantly ( for him not
unusual) and vibrantly throughout his mind.
There were visions of not long ago interactions
he’d had with his parents, for whom he’s
acknowledged quietly unto himself he’s
known all his life. Then of course, his most
loyal, best friend and constant...
#satirical
#funny
38 reads
6 Comments
Marks
Poem Published
12th Nov 2019 5:31pm
12th Nov 2019 5:31pm
My Satellite
..
My elevated mood
And my low mood
What does it prove?
Setting up a screening...
Setting up a screening of what is coming...
What is coming in from... my satellite...
When my five senses along with my mind...
Remain still and my intellect is not alive...
My elevated mood
And my low mood
What does it prove?
A phone booth on a bridge
In the middle of a bridge
Ringing... Ringing... It must be the CIA
... ...
My elevated mood
And my low mood
What does it prove?
Setting up a screening...
Setting up a screening of what is coming...
What is coming in from... my satellite...
When my five senses along with my mind...
Remain still and my intellect is not alive...
My elevated mood
And my low mood
What does it prove?
A phone booth on a bridge
In the middle of a bridge
Ringing... Ringing... It must be the CIA
... ...
#funny
#meditation
23 reads
3 Comments
Razzerleaf
Poem Published
11th Nov 2019 9:35pm
11th Nov 2019 9:35pm
Limericks
Mike
A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
The...
A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
The...
#funny
#CallToAction
24 reads
2 Comments
I_IS_ME
Poem Published
9th Nov 2019 11:51am
9th Nov 2019 11:51am
Monster Ball
Ghost pussy promised on the down low, way down low
Trying to draw a werewolf in but I don't want to fucking know
Promised a gala where there would be smashing and gnashing
Fucking Frankenstein is on the dance floor and he's steady monster mashing
Fucking serial killers in this scenario are just fucking freaks
The zombies wanted brains but they're starting with the butt cheeks
Motherfucking Halloween is done lay your head back and take a deep breath
Hahaha exhale the oxygen until the smell of sulfur is the only thing left
You've seen all of...
Trying to draw a werewolf in but I don't want to fucking know
Promised a gala where there would be smashing and gnashing
Fucking Frankenstein is on the dance floor and he's steady monster mashing
Fucking serial killers in this scenario are just fucking freaks
The zombies wanted brains but they're starting with the butt cheeks
Motherfucking Halloween is done lay your head back and take a deep breath
Hahaha exhale the oxygen until the smell of sulfur is the only thing left
You've seen all of...
#dark
#funny
49 reads
3 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Poetry
