Funny Poetry
#funny
Funny poems to make you laugh. Here you'll find all persuasions of poetic comedy, jokes and humour. This is the place for poetry which doesn't take itself too seriously!
lookingformngick
Taitum
Taitum
Poem Published
Today 8:01pm
Today 8:01pm
Forget
In the same breath
You acknowledged my past as a threat
And then dismissed it’s relevance
You claimed my history makes me a piece of shit
And then disregarded your own self-preservation by spewing disrespect
Like imma just take it
I got a past
and yea, it’s messy as hell
No, I ain’t forgot
I might be ‘recovered’
‘rehabilitated’
But you’re makin me wanna say
Fuck reformation
You make me wanna forget
I’m too grown to catch a charge
You make me wanna forget
I don’t beat bitches’ asses any more
make me...
You acknowledged my past as a threat
And then dismissed it’s relevance
You claimed my history makes me a piece of shit
And then disregarded your own self-preservation by spewing disrespect
Like imma just take it
I got a past
and yea, it’s messy as hell
No, I ain’t forgot
I might be ‘recovered’
‘rehabilitated’
But you’re makin me wanna say
Fuck reformation
You make me wanna forget
I’m too grown to catch a charge
You make me wanna forget
I don’t beat bitches’ asses any more
make me...
#anger
#funny
#frustration #boredom
#frustration #boredom
11 reads
0 Comments
APissPoorShaman
Ryszard
Ryszard
Poem Published
Today 6:36pm
Today 6:36pm
Footprints on my Mind
Thinking I'd write something humorous
I sat down at the computer
as fun thoughts ran through my brain
leaving muddy footprint all over the place
now instead of using pen and ink (or typing for that matter)
I'm spending all my time
scrubbing out my mind
and does anyone know
how to get stains out of brains?
my mother once washed my mouth with soap
to clean my mind her fervent hope
to no avail she miserably failed
but not for lack of trying
Sunday school was no less horrifying
that left the poor sisters crying
for a...
I sat down at the computer
as fun thoughts ran through my brain
leaving muddy footprint all over the place
now instead of using pen and ink (or typing for that matter)
I'm spending all my time
scrubbing out my mind
and does anyone know
how to get stains out of brains?
my mother once washed my mouth with soap
to clean my mind her fervent hope
to no avail she miserably failed
but not for lack of trying
Sunday school was no less horrifying
that left the poor sisters crying
for a...
#identity
#funny
#SelfReflection
22 reads
2 Comments
Mrd
Mr. D
Mr. D
Poem Published
Today 5:38pm
Today 5:38pm
Idi/Bera
Idi/bera
So many wondrous projections
Give rise to risible trainwreckshuns
What if she’s a he
An Idi Amin slash Yogi Berra confection?
Did not the Vikings plunder
Rape and pillage
And cut all asunder?
Strike each village with
Thoric hammered thunder?
I understand the urge to jump Rorschach
The runes, condemn the beastie hordes
As for me I’ll put away the bloody swords
And paint her/him with comic words.
Imagine the brutal comic roast
Of Idi/Berra just off the coast
Stout...
So many wondrous projections
Give rise to risible trainwreckshuns
What if she’s a he
An Idi Amin slash Yogi Berra confection?
Did not the Vikings plunder
Rape and pillage
And cut all asunder?
Strike each village with
Thoric hammered thunder?
I understand the urge to jump Rorschach
The runes, condemn the beastie hordes
As for me I’ll put away the bloody swords
And paint her/him with comic words.
Imagine the brutal comic roast
Of Idi/Berra just off the coast
Stout...
#parody
#satirical
#funny
26 reads
1 Comment
Casted_Runes
Mr Karswell
Mr Karswell
Poem Published
Today 3:21pm
Today 3:21pm
A Sin
Said an actor to a bishop:
‘Is gay sex a sin?’
‘Only if you do it well’
Said the latter on sticking it in.
‘Is gay sex a sin?’
‘Only if you do it well’
Said the latter on sticking it in.
#funny
27 reads
2 Comments
Pinkdreams
Poem Published
Yesterday 9:48pm
Yesterday 9:48pm
DUP Last Will and Testament (for when I'm truly deep underground though I'd prefer to be cremated)
in honor of your tolerating my TMI poetry
I bequeath one lucky poet my 12 year old cat
she will slow blink adoringly at you
lower your blood pressure with her contented purring
and only occasionally
pee on your bed
for all the support
of my ADD poetic ramblings
I will arrange to have sent to each of you
a token of my appreciation
which
on my budget
will be one of the following:
a Jolly Rancher hard candy
or a fun-sized Twix bar
Choose wisely
I also bequeath
a couple dozen unfinished poems
to...
I bequeath one lucky poet my 12 year old cat
she will slow blink adoringly at you
lower your blood pressure with her contented purring
and only occasionally
pee on your bed
for all the support
of my ADD poetic ramblings
I will arrange to have sent to each of you
a token of my appreciation
which
on my budget
will be one of the following:
a Jolly Rancher hard candy
or a fun-sized Twix bar
Choose wisely
I also bequeath
a couple dozen unfinished poems
to...
#death
#funny
#WritingPoetry
49 reads
14 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
Yesterday 3:03pm
Yesterday 3:03pm
"I Told You I Was Ill!"
The ghost
Of Spike Milligan
Came a-visiting me last night
He was very funny
He was a scream!
I screamed
With a mixture
Of hysteria's
Of laughter, and terror
And to many bon bons
The night before
I asked him
What it had been like
Walking backwards for Christmas
With ying tongs, and diddle-aye po's
And eating birthday cake
With a dinosaur
Unfortunately
He couldn't talk
As he was a ghost
But could, and did wail a little
He did an impromptu performance
A strange act
He produced a box...
Of Spike Milligan
Came a-visiting me last night
He was very funny
He was a scream!
I screamed
With a mixture
Of hysteria's
Of laughter, and terror
And to many bon bons
The night before
I asked him
What it had been like
Walking backwards for Christmas
With ying tongs, and diddle-aye po's
And eating birthday cake
With a dinosaur
Unfortunately
He couldn't talk
As he was a ghost
But could, and did wail a little
He did an impromptu performance
A strange act
He produced a box...
#parody
#funny
#ghosts
12 reads
0 Comments
adagio
Poem Published
3rd Feb 2023 2:12pm
3rd Feb 2023 2:12pm
It's A Lock!
It's a lock! Pop-Tarts and sausage gravy at the redeye of dawn. Waking, to the aroma of mama's home-spun hog jowls, rattling the pots and pans. If grits ain't your dish then ya ain't home cookin'. "If grits are good enough for Bocephus..." Beware of petticoats and high heel sneakers impersonating Loretta Lynn and don't take any wooden pickles. I'm just a down-to-earth peach picker but the box stops here. Six feet down by way the molehill goes. My shelf life expired but I still have my barcode and Jack Daniels whiskey. "Pass the Cheetos please!"
#funny
63 reads
0 Comments
buddhakitty
Poem Published
3rd Feb 2023 00:02am
3rd Feb 2023 00:02am
the one liner
went into a mid-eastern
restaurant the other day
the server walks up to my
table and asks,
"Falafel?"
and I shot back,
No. I feel quite good
actually."
no wonder my service is
always such a goddamn
train wreck
restaurant the other day
the server walks up to my
table and asks,
"Falafel?"
and I shot back,
No. I feel quite good
actually."
no wonder my service is
always such a goddamn
train wreck
#food
#funny
#myself
58 reads
12 Comments
adagio
Poem Published
2nd Feb 2023 4:22pm
2nd Feb 2023 4:22pm
Cheesy Rider
In a seance with myself, not suffering ghost. But the dead get lonely. Just ask the next guy, parallel parked next to my stone. I seem to have all the symptoms of a decaying corpse with sagging flesh soaked in formaldehyde. Surrounded by rednecks and fools who squeeze the Ouija.
Cemeteries are for wimps, bloating with gas, and playing Lotto with their Harley. Jesus doesn't have 76 tattoos to lead the Cheeto Parade.
I am lonely, talking with a fly of a bottle-green nature, once a pupa...whatever! Now flying too low to my incense stick. Why couldn't it be an angel?...
Cemeteries are for wimps, bloating with gas, and playing Lotto with their Harley. Jesus doesn't have 76 tattoos to lead the Cheeto Parade.
I am lonely, talking with a fly of a bottle-green nature, once a pupa...whatever! Now flying too low to my incense stick. Why couldn't it be an angel?...
#funny
83 reads
0 Comments
adagio
Poem Published
1st Feb 2023 10:35pm
1st Feb 2023 10:35pm
Made From Scratch
I hate soggy tacos and flat beer. So I am sticking. with Chow Mein and naked noodles skinning dipping in Wonton Soup. Long ago I was seduced by A & W, but along came Crystal Palace with slippery Sliders on a bun. On a naked menu without a pickle. But there was always hope. Then there were curly fries, fried in toxic waste resembling boiling automobile 10x40 motor oil. Colonel Sanders came in with some funky chicken, perhaps a canary. With a secret recipe stolen from Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. Mashed potatoes that hung on my bottom lip with a bitter after-taste. Pressed flesh of sod and...
#funny
85 reads
2 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
31st Jan 2023 4:41pm
31st Jan 2023 4:41pm
Nettles
hi , been a short while,
and miss your smile.
as spring, is about to spring into our life's again,
and we can quaff mead,
amongst the trees,
and admire the undulations
within the park,
and for a lark,
pee behind the bushes, and trees.
and avoid the rash,
of a nettle disease!! x
by Jemiaxx
and miss your smile.
as spring, is about to spring into our life's again,
and we can quaff mead,
amongst the trees,
and admire the undulations
within the park,
and for a lark,
pee behind the bushes, and trees.
and avoid the rash,
of a nettle disease!! x
by Jemiaxx
#nature
#funny
#philosophical
21 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
31st Jan 2023 00:07am
31st Jan 2023 00:07am
Procrastination
at a whim, well seemingly so
i decided to maybe tidy up
my abandoned ramshackle abode
ive inherited a rug, hence this ode
(i'm making it up as i type!)
I placed it over the dull carpet
A sullen hue of magnolia
Of various shades of greeny ectoplasm
And anything that rhymes with magnolia?
(quickly googles magnolia!)
And ended up in Mongolia
At this point
I have obviously lot the plot
Inspired perhaps
By a little mead
Just a few goblets, not a lot!
(I would say that!)
As i quietly lose the plot (repetition! ...
i decided to maybe tidy up
my abandoned ramshackle abode
ive inherited a rug, hence this ode
(i'm making it up as i type!)
I placed it over the dull carpet
A sullen hue of magnolia
Of various shades of greeny ectoplasm
And anything that rhymes with magnolia?
(quickly googles magnolia!)
And ended up in Mongolia
At this point
I have obviously lot the plot
Inspired perhaps
By a little mead
Just a few goblets, not a lot!
(I would say that!)
As i quietly lose the plot (repetition! ...
#funny
#philosophical
23 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Poetry
