Funny Poetry
#funny
Funny poems to make you laugh. Here you'll find all persuasions of poetic comedy, jokes and humour. This is the place for poetry which doesn't take itself too seriously!
RexDurkin
Poem Published
Today 3:21am
Today 3:21am
My Books
I have read so many books
over my well read years
More books than everybody else
I shame you all to tears
I keep them sitting on my shelf
like trophies bright and glowing
With every new title that I add
I feel my I.Q growing
And because I’ve read so many
that proves that I'm the smartest
The most intelligent intellectual
The most insightful artist
I try to impress the women folk
by showing them my collection ...
over my well read years
More books than everybody else
I shame you all to tears
I keep them sitting on my shelf
like trophies bright and glowing
With every new title that I add
I feel my I.Q growing
And because I’ve read so many
that proves that I'm the smartest
The most intelligent intellectual
The most insightful artist
I try to impress the women folk
by showing them my collection ...
#loneliness
#funny
#frustration
6 reads
0 Comments
RexDurkin
Poem Published
Today 00:40am
Today 00:40am
A Southern Breeze
It broke like fallen glass
at a savage, brutal speed
Straight out of my arse
I was surprised indeed
It sounded like a fog horn
as it smashed through my front door
Tearing across the green lawn
with a foul and ghastly roar
Down the street it swept
A putrid hurricane
First responders couldn't intercept
my tornado of methane
It turned the lovely town
into an apocalyptic hell
Giving everything a brown,
septic sort of smell
Streets covered with debris
buildings...
at a savage, brutal speed
Straight out of my arse
I was surprised indeed
It sounded like a fog horn
as it smashed through my front door
Tearing across the green lawn
with a foul and ghastly roar
Down the street it swept
A putrid hurricane
First responders couldn't intercept
my tornado of methane
It turned the lovely town
into an apocalyptic hell
Giving everything a brown,
septic sort of smell
Streets covered with debris
buildings...
#wind
#rhyming
#funny #apocalypse
#funny #apocalypse
13 reads
0 Comments
Quill-in-Heart
Tony Pena
Tony Pena
Poem Published
Yesterday 3:28am
Yesterday 3:28am
Turning Sexty
At an age somewhere
between ripe and rot
where a Marlboro
lasts five times
longer than the sex
but as a young man
I could bust a nut
like a brazen monkey
turning Japanese
at the Bronx zoo
with as many comings
and goings during the day
as bowel movements after
a Mexican food marathon.
But six decades made
the hardware obsolete
till horny scientists
wearing horn rimmed
Clark Kent glasses
and drunk on Vanna
White wine cooked up
a chalice of Cialis
to always be...
between ripe and rot
where a Marlboro
lasts five times
longer than the sex
but as a young man
I could bust a nut
like a brazen monkey
turning Japanese
at the Bronx zoo
with as many comings
and goings during the day
as bowel movements after
a Mexican food marathon.
But six decades made
the hardware obsolete
till horny scientists
wearing horn rimmed
Clark Kent glasses
and drunk on Vanna
White wine cooked up
a chalice of Cialis
to always be...
#sex
#erotic
#funny #aging
#funny #aging
53 reads
9 Comments
RexDurkin
Poem Published
Yesterday 3:26am
Yesterday 3:26am
I've turned into a chick
Holy mother fucking shit
I’ve turned into a chick
What the hell is going on
and where the hell’s my dick
My body’s gone all soft
and I have lost my beard
My voice is now a soprano
‘Cos my balls have disappeared
O.K, O.K, lets stay calm
Don’t stress out, don't fret
Let's take a look in the mirror
God Damn! I’m a hot brunette!
But I distinctly recollect
growing up as a boy
How...
I’ve turned into a chick
What the hell is going on
and where the hell’s my dick
My body’s gone all soft
and I have lost my beard
My voice is now a soprano
‘Cos my balls have disappeared
O.K, O.K, lets stay calm
Don’t stress out, don't fret
Let's take a look in the mirror
God Damn! I’m a hot brunette!
But I distinctly recollect
growing up as a boy
How...
#anxiety
#funny
#confusion #sexy
#confusion #sexy
20 reads
6 Comments
unnifaomsl
Poem Published
21st Jan 2019 10:57pm
21st Jan 2019 10:57pm
15 years ago called, they want you back
you lie in wait to prove yourself
and hope that someone will care
as you put on this teary act.
You feel strong because you think
they love you, embrace you even.
but everyone can see through your vapid
self proclamations. They see through
your pitiful attempts to sound intelligent.
And if they don't love you,
then what's the point?
and hope that someone will care
as you put on this teary act.
You feel strong because you think
they love you, embrace you even.
but everyone can see through your vapid
self proclamations. They see through
your pitiful attempts to sound intelligent.
And if they don't love you,
then what's the point?
#funny
16 reads
2 Comments
jenny_is_hungry
Poem Published
21st Jan 2019 5:23pm
21st Jan 2019 5:23pm
Key Number Four
Ciggie smoke comes off of the deck
Stop cause we haven't let anyone in yet
There's only one who wouldnt Jimmy the door
Curtains blowing in with shit all over the floor
'Such a bastard,' I say out loud
He cackles through ciggarrette cloud
'Just one baby'
He says and I flinch
'It's Jenny you piece of shit'
'Ha, security is a little lax on this place'
And she's out on the deck up in his face
'Cause normal people usually knock before
They don't go around 007ing the fuckin door'
...
Stop cause we haven't let anyone in yet
There's only one who wouldnt Jimmy the door
Curtains blowing in with shit all over the floor
'Such a bastard,' I say out loud
He cackles through ciggarrette cloud
'Just one baby'
He says and I flinch
'It's Jenny you piece of shit'
'Ha, security is a little lax on this place'
And she's out on the deck up in his face
'Cause normal people usually knock before
They don't go around 007ing the fuckin door'
...
#anger
#dark
#power #funny
#power #funny
31 reads
4 Comments
ReggiePoet
Reggie
Reggie
Poem Published
21st Jan 2019 1:58pm
21st Jan 2019 1:58pm
Swapping Places
#BDSM
#limerick
#funny
77 reads
4 Comments
RexDurkin
Poem Published
21st Jan 2019 2:00am
21st Jan 2019 2:00am
At the Bank
I was waiting in line at the bank
Having an in-pocket wank
The lady manager saw me
and must have got horny
‘Cos she gave my bum a little spank
She purred out a sexy murmur
n’ said “You wanna take this further?”
I said “Madam please”
as I gave her boob a squeeze
“I would if your tits were much firmer.”
She replied with a smirk on her face
“Look buddy, I run this place
If you don't gimme some honey
I’ll delete all your money
Now get in my office, post...
Having an in-pocket wank
The lady manager saw me
and must have got horny
‘Cos she gave my bum a little spank
She purred out a sexy murmur
n’ said “You wanna take this further?”
I said “Madam please”
as I gave her boob a squeeze
“I would if your tits were much firmer.”
She replied with a smirk on her face
“Look buddy, I run this place
If you don't gimme some honey
I’ll delete all your money
Now get in my office, post...
#sex
#limerick
#funny
48 reads
2 Comments
snugglebuck
Poem Published
20th Jan 2019 7:15pm
20th Jan 2019 7:15pm
Collusion Confusion
I tire of accusations
Of Trump and collusion
Let's not be Russian
To unfounded conclusions
Not to be Stalin
But best be Putin
Our judgements off till
Mueller's investigation
Has proved that urine
Is communist baptism
Of Trump and collusion
Let's not be Russian
To unfounded conclusions
Not to be Stalin
But best be Putin
Our judgements off till
Mueller's investigation
Has proved that urine
Is communist baptism
#politics
#funny
29 reads
RexDurkin
Poem Published
20th Jan 2019 7:09am
20th Jan 2019 7:09am
A dozen pockets
The dark earth morning had never floated as light
Luminous fire seeds vanished darkness
River water heard
Stone lichens breathing
Trees full of white birds do
She slept in my perfect bed with me tenderly
among small insects grappling between night stars
Arranging nothing around work and thoughts.
Doom moths but a thought they remembered
If all times branches never fell,
who took on their kingdoms before her?
...
Luminous fire seeds vanished darkness
River water heard
Stone lichens breathing
Trees full of white birds do
She slept in my perfect bed with me tenderly
among small insects grappling between night stars
Arranging nothing around work and thoughts.
Doom moths but a thought they remembered
If all times branches never fell,
who took on their kingdoms before her?
...
#romantic
#parody
#funny
21 reads
2 Comments
jenjames
Poem Published
20th Jan 2019 3:23am
20th Jan 2019 3:23am
he said... (part 1)
He said…
I’m just so jealous of your panties
They rub against you all day
Just thinking about their proximity
Leaves me with a
sadistic physical ache
They get to kissed your lips,
caress your hips
Lacey mutha fuckas
be crawling up in ya ass cheeks
and shit
I mean,
I kind of see their purpose
and let me say
I am so glad
you got rid of those
thongs
The sons of bitches was sexy
but fuck that
They hugged you a little to snug
All up in crevices
only I am allowed to touch
Been...
I’m just so jealous of your panties
They rub against you all day
Just thinking about their proximity
Leaves me with a
sadistic physical ache
They get to kissed your lips,
caress your hips
Lacey mutha fuckas
be crawling up in ya ass cheeks
and shit
I mean,
I kind of see their purpose
and let me say
I am so glad
you got rid of those
thongs
The sons of bitches was sexy
but fuck that
They hugged you a little to snug
All up in crevices
only I am allowed to touch
Been...
#funny
#lover
#SelfReflection
75 reads
3 Comments
RexDurkin
Poem Published
20th Jan 2019 1:38am
20th Jan 2019 1:38am
The Boston Strangler
The Boston Strangler is after me
He’s chasing me through the brush
The blue glow of the moon lets me see
So I don't step in bovine mush
I run out into a grassy paddock
and hear the twanging of a bright banjo
It’s faint but I run towards it
The Strangler is shouting “C’mere bro!”
I know that his intentions
are not benevolent.
The aroma of cow poo
is now quite prevalent.
I see a boxcar in the distance
with a...
He’s chasing me through the brush
The blue glow of the moon lets me see
So I don't step in bovine mush
I run out into a grassy paddock
and hear the twanging of a bright banjo
It’s faint but I run towards it
The Strangler is shouting “C’mere bro!”
I know that his intentions
are not benevolent.
The aroma of cow poo
is now quite prevalent.
I see a boxcar in the distance
with a...
#scary
#satirical
#funny #monsters
#funny #monsters
15 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Poetry
