Least Read Funny Poems
#funny
Least read funny poems. Find an undiscovered masterpiece in the DU Poetry least read poems.
MalcolmG
Poem Published
Yesterday 12:33pm
Yesterday 12:33pm
The Tortoise and the Hare
One day a hare and a tortoise had a fight
They discussed the things both wrong and right, neither could decide the way and so they raced the very next day !
The hare was smug, as hares will be,
“A race? With you? Don’t make me pee!
You’re slow as sludge, you’ve got no flair
I'll dust you off and beat you bare!”
The tortoise grinned, a wily chap,
And snapped his fingers with a clap.
“We’ll race tomorrow, sharp at eight.
And may the best one claim their fate!”
The day arrived, the sun was bright,
The animals turned out to...
They discussed the things both wrong and right, neither could decide the way and so they raced the very next day !
The hare was smug, as hares will be,
“A race? With you? Don’t make me pee!
You’re slow as sludge, you’ve got no flair
I'll dust you off and beat you bare!”
The tortoise grinned, a wily chap,
And snapped his fingers with a clap.
“We’ll race tomorrow, sharp at eight.
And may the best one claim their fate!”
The day arrived, the sun was bright,
The animals turned out to...
#funny
#tradition
11 reads
0 Comments
Cyndi_Moone
Poem Published
8th Sep 2017 5:40pm
8th Sep 2017 5:40pm
VOTO DE BODA
Estoy en carro prestado
Porque el tren ya me habia dejado
Muchos fueron los años
Que solo encontraba engaños
Hasta que un galán secuestro mi corazón
Y para casarme, me ha dado buena razón.
Pasaré los dias junto a él
Y por siempre le sere muy fiel.
En los tiempos Buenos y los tiempos malos
Depende si le hago la comida o se mete en chaos.
Doesn't "ring" well in English and, therefore, the humor is lost....but this is the translation:
I am in a borrowed car
Because the train had already passed me by
Many...
Porque el tren ya me habia dejado
Muchos fueron los años
Que solo encontraba engaños
Hasta que un galán secuestro mi corazón
Y para casarme, me ha dado buena razón.
Pasaré los dias junto a él
Y por siempre le sere muy fiel.
En los tiempos Buenos y los tiempos malos
Depende si le hago la comida o se mete en chaos.
Doesn't "ring" well in English and, therefore, the humor is lost....but this is the translation:
I am in a borrowed car
Because the train had already passed me by
Many...
#relationships
#parody
#satirical
#funny
#metaphor
12 reads
4 Comments
Thor_Azine
Poem Published
28th Aug 2024 7:13pm
28th Aug 2024 7:13pm
Contract Killer
I’m covered in blood
I suppose it was a slight angular
miscalculation as I was aiming
solely for the subclavicular artery
but somehow it’s bleeding into
the esophagus and coughing blood
in my face
It was a mistake, they happen
usually not to me, but then here we are
fortunately for me I keep a spare Tyvek
suit in the truck, safe until
the shower
I used to be much cleaner, long range,
pink mist voila, but the world changes
and fewer out here care to get wet
so I fill the gap, I mean it’s a living ...
I suppose it was a slight angular
miscalculation as I was aiming
solely for the subclavicular artery
but somehow it’s bleeding into
the esophagus and coughing blood
in my face
It was a mistake, they happen
usually not to me, but then here we are
fortunately for me I keep a spare Tyvek
suit in the truck, safe until
the shower
I used to be much cleaner, long range,
pink mist voila, but the world changes
and fewer out here care to get wet
so I fill the gap, I mean it’s a living ...
#dark
#funny
#parody
15 reads
12 Comments
yelluw_always
Poem Published
3rd Feb 2019 5:14am
3rd Feb 2019 5:14am
8. Annotated Peoples Make Connections: if they walked around in love/for love/by love with SFX labels to their chests
My feet feel gravity un-gilled. They shuffle
how an airplane lands at night. The towers
hiccuping bubbles like they just had a habanero
telling us which way is up and which way
to burn in inkwater. Here a padded slope
with the headlights of trench fish, bifarious
and lighting the turning down, down, down.
Rows a hushed sway of seaweed heads.
How to show the fish a mirror since they live in one?
Cameron, you couldn’t have imagined the abyss better.
Cut lights, action in seats. We don’t
need a crowd, just the silver screen and the...
how an airplane lands at night. The towers
hiccuping bubbles like they just had a habanero
telling us which way is up and which way
to burn in inkwater. Here a padded slope
with the headlights of trench fish, bifarious
and lighting the turning down, down, down.
Rows a hushed sway of seaweed heads.
How to show the fish a mirror since they live in one?
Cameron, you couldn’t have imagined the abyss better.
Cut lights, action in seats. We don’t
need a crowd, just the silver screen and the...
#dark
#funny
#monsters #dating
#monsters #dating
16 reads
2 Comments
Thor_Azine
Poem Published
10th May 2024 7:18pm
10th May 2024 7:18pm
Nothing Bugs Me
I climbed on the Hollywood sign
and swung from a vine
stripped on the sunset and
drank some box wine
It’s fine
I wasn’t meant to live long
cock strong King Kong acting like a
ding dong
Just like a fly
I’m always landing on shit
I must admit though, I give as
good as I get
Please quit
buzzing like a mosquito
I’m strong as a flea bench pressing
a Frito
Sub zero
I was never your hero
Stone cold motherfucker like
Bobby De Niro
get me a beer yo! before I
spit in your face, just...
and swung from a vine
stripped on the sunset and
drank some box wine
It’s fine
I wasn’t meant to live long
cock strong King Kong acting like a
ding dong
Just like a fly
I’m always landing on shit
I must admit though, I give as
good as I get
Please quit
buzzing like a mosquito
I’m strong as a flea bench pressing
a Frito
Sub zero
I was never your hero
Stone cold motherfucker like
Bobby De Niro
get me a beer yo! before I
spit in your face, just...
#funny
16 reads
8 Comments
hackerstacker
Poem Published
21st Nov 2018 6:56pm
21st Nov 2018 6:56pm
What we see in mirrors
#anxiety
#scary
#funny
17 reads
6 Comments
Cyndi_Moone
Poem Published
6th Nov 2017 6:20pm
6th Nov 2017 6:20pm
DRAMA QUEEN
I have come to the conclusion that everyone craves a little drama in their life-
It is what keeps life from being a forever-standing monotonous timeline.
There are just some people completely bored out of their minds
Living that pathetic, monotonous timeline
that the only thing they CAN do is create or find their drama
By being angry just to be angry!
When such a person begins to stir up trouble against you
Or whirl their rants and raves your way
Just turn and walk away....
It is the silent way, without use of words or...
It is what keeps life from being a forever-standing monotonous timeline.
There are just some people completely bored out of their minds
Living that pathetic, monotonous timeline
that the only thing they CAN do is create or find their drama
By being angry just to be angry!
When such a person begins to stir up trouble against you
Or whirl their rants and raves your way
Just turn and walk away....
It is the silent way, without use of words or...
#depression
#funny
#addiction #philosophical
#addiction #philosophical
18 reads
2 Comments
Thor_Azine
Poem Published
23rd May 2024 9:35pm
23rd May 2024 9:35pm
No Words
Desire
how do words
encompass or engage
those thoughts…
Pure lust over reason
That “I’m going to eat your ass
like a homeless guy that
dumpster dived a hot
Christmas turkey” feeling
The taste taint no mystery
anymore
I’m sure something will
cum to me
Or maybe not
But I’ll slam every goddamn
spot from A to G until
I figure it out
Nice guys finish last
it’s cool
as long as we finish
It’s a marathon not a race
Hmm…
how do words
encompass or engage
those thoughts…
Pure lust over reason
That “I’m going to eat your ass
like a homeless guy that
dumpster dived a hot
Christmas turkey” feeling
The taste taint no mystery
anymore
I’m sure something will
cum to me
Or maybe not
But I’ll slam every goddamn
spot from A to G until
I figure it out
Nice guys finish last
it’s cool
as long as we finish
It’s a marathon not a race
Hmm…
#funny
#sex
#ThrillSeeking
19 reads
8 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
Yesterday 1:16am
Yesterday 1:16am
I’d Rather Have a Dragon than a Cat
Who needs a cat with its smug, aloof stare,
when you can have a dragon
curled around your armchair?
No hairballs to gag on, no litter box smell
just scales that gleam like molten gold,
a roar that tolls like a dinner bell.
Picture this:
I’m walking my dragon down Main Street,
its tail swiping lampposts, its wings unfurled.
You’d cross the road, wouldn’t you?
No "Here, kitty, kitty" nonsense here
more like "Hey, don’t step on my dragon's tail,
unless you fancy a toasted rear."
Cats claw at your...
when you can have a dragon
curled around your armchair?
No hairballs to gag on, no litter box smell
just scales that gleam like molten gold,
a roar that tolls like a dinner bell.
Picture this:
I’m walking my dragon down Main Street,
its tail swiping lampposts, its wings unfurled.
You’d cross the road, wouldn’t you?
No "Here, kitty, kitty" nonsense here
more like "Hey, don’t step on my dragon's tail,
unless you fancy a toasted rear."
Cats claw at your...
#dragons
#funny
19 reads
0 Comments
Poetic_Strength
Poem Published
30th Jan 2020 1:01am
30th Jan 2020 1:01am
Writers Block - Movie Time
Speechless and express-less,
Wished for verses to popup like popcorn,
But seemed as my butter froze.
Desire to gaze at ’ Two can play that game too”
But settled for “ How to lose a man in ten days”
Tell me how to “Space jam”
I want to “Pursuit my happiness”
Meanwhile I think I encountered an “Identity theft”
was “ gone in 60 seconds”
My “National treasure” was put on hold,
If I knew I would have dressed like Hally Berry my beloved “ Catwoman”
Nah wait I think seducing “ Batman” or “ Superman please re turn
For that I better call...
Wished for verses to popup like popcorn,
But seemed as my butter froze.
Desire to gaze at ’ Two can play that game too”
But settled for “ How to lose a man in ten days”
Tell me how to “Space jam”
I want to “Pursuit my happiness”
Meanwhile I think I encountered an “Identity theft”
was “ gone in 60 seconds”
My “National treasure” was put on hold,
If I knew I would have dressed like Hally Berry my beloved “ Catwoman”
Nah wait I think seducing “ Batman” or “ Superman please re turn
For that I better call...
#funny
#WritersBlock
#WritingPoetry #scifi
#WritingPoetry #scifi
20 reads
8 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
23rd Oct 2024 00:52am
23rd Oct 2024 00:52am
As Quiet As A Mouse! (acrostic 5-7-5)
Cat
sat
on
the
mat
Aware
of
mice
with
clogs
on
Tulip
clip-clopping?
by Jemia
sat
on
the
mat
Aware
of
mice
with
clogs
on
Tulip
clip-clopping?
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
21 reads
0 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
13th May 2024 00:59am
13th May 2024 00:59am
Twisted Nursery Rhymes
Peter Piper picked peppers off a pickled tree
Putting them perched on purple periwinkles that can not be.
"Pardon me Peter, why did you pick those pickled peppers I pray tell?"
Because a pickled pepper is properly proportioned to my particular appendage as well.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Look how naughty you really are
Up above the sky so high
Only coming down with a sigh
What will you do
In a bed meant for two.
You giggle and laugh then said
"It's all up to you" ...
Putting them perched on purple periwinkles that can not be.
"Pardon me Peter, why did you pick those pickled peppers I pray tell?"
Because a pickled pepper is properly proportioned to my particular appendage as well.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Look how naughty you really are
Up above the sky so high
Only coming down with a sigh
What will you do
In a bed meant for two.
You giggle and laugh then said
"It's all up to you" ...
#funny
25 reads
19 Comments
DU Poetry : Least Read Funny Poems
