Long Funny Poems
#funny
Long funny poems. 300 words or more, most recently published poems first.
Samnash
Sam Nash
Sam Nash
Poem Published
17th Apr 2024 5:58am
17th Apr 2024 5:58am
A Wise Man
Once there used to live a wiseman in a village far far across the sea. He was kind, smart, and polite, with a shy gentle soul (it is very important to note the SHY GENTLE SOUL here... oh and he had green eyes as well.)
One summer’s day a man knocked on the wiseman’s door. He said he had important information to tell him.
“The farmer who lives on the other side of town is talking about you behind your back,” the man said. “The farmer is telling everyone how bad and evil you are.”
The wiseman smiled and replied, “take me to the farmer’s house,” he said, “I want...
One summer’s day a man knocked on the wiseman’s door. He said he had important information to tell him.
“The farmer who lives on the other side of town is talking about you behind your back,” the man said. “The farmer is telling everyone how bad and evil you are.”
The wiseman smiled and replied, “take me to the farmer’s house,” he said, “I want...
#wisdom
#funny
71 reads
16 Comments
Samnash
Sam Nash
Sam Nash
Poem Published
9th Apr 2024 11:48pm
9th Apr 2024 11:48pm
Zapped
#sex
#erotic
#BDSM #funny
#BDSM #funny
149 reads
8 Comments
CasketSharpe
Poem Published
29th Mar 2024 11:01pm
29th Mar 2024 11:01pm
Special Edition (The Play-Play Series)
#sex
#funny
59 reads
4 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
21st Mar 2024 6:58pm
21st Mar 2024 6:58pm
'merica
My one regret is the bloodline I derived from
I’m not a pedigree or a monkey’s uncle
My father is a penniless swami
My mother is a peace creep
We live up the river,
near a civil war battle ground
When there is a downwind,
the water has a polluted, toxic smell
A few years ago, I needed a pair of glasses
Never received them,
No insurance, no money!
My mother bitch slapped me a few times,
thinking that would help straighten my eyes out
Now I have short eyes!
Fuck, she’s dumb.
My brother, who is three years...
I’m not a pedigree or a monkey’s uncle
My father is a penniless swami
My mother is a peace creep
We live up the river,
near a civil war battle ground
When there is a downwind,
the water has a polluted, toxic smell
A few years ago, I needed a pair of glasses
Never received them,
No insurance, no money!
My mother bitch slapped me a few times,
thinking that would help straighten my eyes out
Now I have short eyes!
Fuck, she’s dumb.
My brother, who is three years...
#family
#Easter
#fiction
#funny
#poverty
54 reads
6 Comments
wallyroo92
Poem Published
16th Mar 2024 10:20pm
16th Mar 2024 10:20pm
Facebook Memories
2016 – August
While watching Being Human (a show about a Vampire, a Werewolf and a Ghost)
Me: Babe, if a vampire offered you eternal life…
Wife: YES!
Me: Just like that huh? You’d watch me get old and die?
Wife: BYE FELICIA!
2015 – September
Showing the boys Naked Gun 2 ½. Lt. Frank Drebin helps me explain the birds and the bees
Xavier (11): What? I don’t get it
Xander (10): I don’t get it either
(A hot dog lands on a bun on screen)
Both: Ooh! I GET IT
Me: It’s the artistic portion of the...
While watching Being Human (a show about a Vampire, a Werewolf and a Ghost)
Me: Babe, if a vampire offered you eternal life…
Wife: YES!
Me: Just like that huh? You’d watch me get old and die?
Wife: BYE FELICIA!
2015 – September
Showing the boys Naked Gun 2 ½. Lt. Frank Drebin helps me explain the birds and the bees
Xavier (11): What? I don’t get it
Xander (10): I don’t get it either
(A hot dog lands on a bun on screen)
Both: Ooh! I GET IT
Me: It’s the artistic portion of the...
#children
#family
#funny #memories
#funny #memories
86 reads
7 Comments
wallyroo92
Poem Published
27th Feb 2024 6:48pm
27th Feb 2024 6:48pm
Duels and Duets
#politics
#funny
#MentalHealth #healing
#MentalHealth #healing
52 reads
2 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
22nd Feb 2024 7:36pm
22nd Feb 2024 7:36pm
Movie Night
Movie Night
“Well, we got out of the store without doing more than the necessary damage to your billfold.”
“I needed a woman to divert me from my path to dietary apocalypse.”
“You need only omit one word, that being ‘woman’. Anyone with even rudimentary knowledge of nutrition would know that day-old pizza is unacceptable.”
“The surgeon general would concur I am sure.”
“Then why do I have to tell you what is obvious?”
“Perhaps because I am part of the unwashed gender.”
“Well even though...
“Well, we got out of the store without doing more than the necessary damage to your billfold.”
“I needed a woman to divert me from my path to dietary apocalypse.”
“You need only omit one word, that being ‘woman’. Anyone with even rudimentary knowledge of nutrition would know that day-old pizza is unacceptable.”
“The surgeon general would concur I am sure.”
“Then why do I have to tell you what is obvious?”
“Perhaps because I am part of the unwashed gender.”
“Well even though...
#women
#romantic
#satirical
#funny
#sexy
124 reads
0 Comments
Rew
Poem Published
4th Feb 2024 9:34am
4th Feb 2024 9:34am
The Blankety Blank Song
I knew an engineer and before he died,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
I knew an engineer and before he died,
told me a tale and opened my eyes wide
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
I knew an engineer and before he died,
he told me a tale and opened my eyes wide
and I've no reason to believe he lied.
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump.
He had a wife with a blank so wide,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
He had a wife with a blank so wide,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump, ...
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
I knew an engineer and before he died,
told me a tale and opened my eyes wide
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
I knew an engineer and before he died,
he told me a tale and opened my eyes wide
and I've no reason to believe he lied.
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump.
He had a wife with a blank so wide,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump,
He had a wife with a blank so wide,
Ah-rump, titty-rump, titty-rump, ...
#rhyming
#fiction
#lyrics
#funny
#historical
81 reads
4 Comments
Ashley_M_Hardy
Poem Published
3rd Feb 2024 10:32am
3rd Feb 2024 10:32am
New Year, Same Sh*t
In 2024, folks still putting foil in the microwave
Smoking cigarettes at the gas station, and I mean right under the pump handle
People holding newborn babies in the air like steak hoagies
Flip a light switch, with water dripping down their fingertips
Dodge heavy traffic for a thrill, cause their life and limbs actually depend on it
Pour hot grease in their trash bins, then wonder why the mutha fucka melted and the rats get in it
I've cleaned toilets for years, and what I've witnessed, is that men piss everywhere except the urinal
Women lay they lady...
Smoking cigarettes at the gas station, and I mean right under the pump handle
People holding newborn babies in the air like steak hoagies
Flip a light switch, with water dripping down their fingertips
Dodge heavy traffic for a thrill, cause their life and limbs actually depend on it
Pour hot grease in their trash bins, then wonder why the mutha fucka melted and the rats get in it
I've cleaned toilets for years, and what I've witnessed, is that men piss everywhere except the urinal
Women lay they lady...
#politics
#LifeStruggles
#funny
125 reads
8 Comments
Kinkpoet
Poem Published
1st Feb 2024 3:40am
1st Feb 2024 3:40am
Oh Philomina!
#funny
#historical
#culture #passion
#culture #passion
104 reads
3 Comments
eightmore
Poem Published
13th Jan 2024 1:49pm
13th Jan 2024 1:49pm
Grandfather Clock
#sex
#funny
152 reads
0 Comments
Pinkdreams
Poem Published
25th Dec 2023 4:47am
25th Dec 2023 4:47am
List #4 Five Times I Couldn't Stop Laughing
1. It's my 6th birthday at Crandon Park Zoo in Key Biscayne, Florida. I'm at the head of a long rectangular outdoor table. Midway through the Happy Birthday song, my friends switch it up to a version I may have been hearing for the first time. "Happy birthday to you, You live in the zoo, You look like a monkey, And you smell like one too" I think its the funniest damn thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm giggling so much, I can't blow out the candles on my pretty pink cake.
2. Dr. H, the music and drama teacher has organized a 6th grade field trip to see The Viennese...
2. Dr. H, the music and drama teacher has organized a 6th grade field trip to see The Viennese...
#happiness
#family
#friendship
#funny
#memories
212 reads
8 Comments
DU Poetry : Long Funny Poems
