The Relationship I Couldn't Help

Dinner with Gary was Hamburger Helper and unfrosted white cake,
and Jesus gazing upon us
from his frame on Gary's kitchen wall.

Sex with Gary was effortless.
Good every single time
Primal
Uncomplicated.

Sleep with Gary was wonderful.
My insomnia disappeared.
i felt safe
Protected
Loved

Life with Gary was embarrassing.
My friends thought he was beneath me
Not smart enough
uncultured
poorly spoken.
I'm not even going to mention what my family thought.

Conversations with Gary were challenging.
Sometimes marred with judgements
on my part
he was always kind to me
"You should open a restaurant called Aint's I once told him
because it's your favorite damn word
It could serve bologna and gravy sandwiches.

His 9-year-old son overhears me.
Bologna and gravy! Mmm, that sounds good.

Gary could pound a nail into a wall with his fist
if catastrophe struck
and the city was destroyed
while white collar workers might cry and moan
Gary would be calmly building a house
out of whatever.
Anything to do with buildings inside or outside?
Gary could do it all

Breakups with Gary were ugly
instigated by me
in such fits of meanness
he was almost happy to be free of me

Almost.

Car breakdowns with Gary
were magical.
Once pre breakup
and once post
i was stranded, 
cell phones several years away
Within minutes Gary drove past me
turned around
helped me
i see how that could have happened once
but twice?

Memories of Gary
are bittersweet
he died in his fifties, I think
I'd looked him up
he'd moved back to West Virginia
I hope he felt at home
Maybe found a nice woman
One who accepted him for who he was
Sometimes when I remember him,
I think that in a number of ways,
he was too good for me.