Funny Poetry
#funny
Funny poems to make you laugh. Here you'll find all persuasions of poetic comedy, jokes and humour. This is the place for poetry which doesn't take itself too seriously!
wallyroo92
Bumped Today 2:42am
21st Sep 2019 4:56pm
21st Sep 2019 4:56pm
Slip of the Tongue
Nice to eat you", he told her when he met her,
Pausing for a second as he shook her hand,
She was stunning and impeccably dressed,
The interview might not go according to plan.
"Nice to meat you", she responded with a smile,
(She knew her inflexion and what she meant)
Feeling a warmth trickling all over her body,
But now their subconscious began to vent.
"So tell me a little bit a butt yourself?" she asked,
Interested in him but not trying to make a pass,
"Ass you can see in my resume I studied economics,
I’m proud...
Pausing for a second as he shook her hand,
She was stunning and impeccably dressed,
The interview might not go according to plan.
"Nice to meat you", she responded with a smile,
(She knew her inflexion and what she meant)
Feeling a warmth trickling all over her body,
But now their subconscious began to vent.
"So tell me a little bit a butt yourself?" she asked,
Interested in him but not trying to make a pass,
"Ass you can see in my resume I studied economics,
I’m proud...
#erotic
#funny
788 reads
11 Comments
backdeckbenny
Poem Published
Yesterday 7:26am
Yesterday 7:26am
There's a thief in town.
My house was robbed last night.
The thief broke in while I slept and stole my hair,hearing and eyesight.
Not content with that,on waking, my wife also noticed that my ass had been stolen.All that remained was a saggy old bag, barely capable of keeping my pants up.
I alerted the police who told me there had been a spate of similar robberies involving people of a certain age.
They assured me that they had s brilliant team working on the case and I could contact "strikeforce buttcrack" if I needed any further assistance.
Needless to say, my...
The thief broke in while I slept and stole my hair,hearing and eyesight.
Not content with that,on waking, my wife also noticed that my ass had been stolen.All that remained was a saggy old bag, barely capable of keeping my pants up.
I alerted the police who told me there had been a spate of similar robberies involving people of a certain age.
They assured me that they had s brilliant team working on the case and I could contact "strikeforce buttcrack" if I needed any further assistance.
Needless to say, my...
#funny
28 reads
6 Comments
AfterSexDilemma
Poem Published
Yesterday 1:33am
Yesterday 1:33am
Lawless
How can the government protect your privacy,
Without being private?
How do you investigate,
And not masturbate?
How do you pretend you're real,
And avoid forgetting you're not?
How do you make friends,
When you know they're all cops?
Why vote on old legislation,
Canada and Mexico have already been bought?
More than 20 years ago.
It was part of the plot.
Trans America is never gonna stop.
Secret deals is where the government shops.
If the government was public,
We'd all be...
Without being private?
How do you investigate,
And not masturbate?
How do you pretend you're real,
And avoid forgetting you're not?
How do you make friends,
When you know they're all cops?
Why vote on old legislation,
Canada and Mexico have already been bought?
More than 20 years ago.
It was part of the plot.
Trans America is never gonna stop.
Secret deals is where the government shops.
If the government was public,
We'd all be...
#corruption
#funny
#philosophical #politics
#philosophical #politics
41 reads
6 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
10th Feb 2025 3:35pm
10th Feb 2025 3:35pm
Keeping Up To Scratch
In the last week
Ive searched high, and low,
And tried to tweak
To finding a back scratcher
But as yet, haven't managed to capture
Anyone
With long enough nails
That's willing to do it for fun
With perhaps, the occasional pun
So making do
With chop sticks
And door frames too!
by Jemia
Ive searched high, and low,
And tried to tweak
To finding a back scratcher
But as yet, haven't managed to capture
Anyone
With long enough nails
That's willing to do it for fun
With perhaps, the occasional pun
So making do
With chop sticks
And door frames too!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#philosophical #satirical
#philosophical #satirical
33 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
10th Feb 2025 00:23am
10th Feb 2025 00:23am
Not A Book Worm
I moved into my new place of residence today
A lovely old wooden framed dwelling
With its own library
(I may become a book worm once ive settled!)
I should mention, that i don't own this property
And if the owners knew i was here
They would literally resort to any means to get me out
Even resorting to having me killed
So i keep a very low profile
Thus have moved into the loft
Hidden amongst the big oaken beams
I think i'm in luck
As i'm the only woodworm in the house!
by Jemia
A lovely old wooden framed dwelling
With its own library
(I may become a book worm once ive settled!)
I should mention, that i don't own this property
And if the owners knew i was here
They would literally resort to any means to get me out
Even resorting to having me killed
So i keep a very low profile
Thus have moved into the loft
Hidden amongst the big oaken beams
I think i'm in luck
As i'm the only woodworm in the house!
by Jemia
#funny
#nature
#philosophical
21 reads
0 Comments
PAR
Poem Published
9th Feb 2025 12:01pm
9th Feb 2025 12:01pm
Photopoetry of the ass
my poetry is about
my ass turned
to the moon in half
of my face and
in half of your own
out of focus photograph
and without the center of
gravitational pull
it's simply about
my ass gaping
in the face of others
whoever wants
to say that he didn't see
and the one who
just wants to take one
picture of his own ass
just like me!
my ass turned
to the moon in half
of my face and
in half of your own
out of focus photograph
and without the center of
gravitational pull
it's simply about
my ass gaping
in the face of others
whoever wants
to say that he didn't see
and the one who
just wants to take one
picture of his own ass
just like me!
#funny
#identity
#meditation
#mythology
#spiritual
56 reads
8 Comments
PAR
Poem Published
8th Feb 2025 3:45pm
8th Feb 2025 3:45pm
Limp Sound Display (Collaboration with Vision_of_insanity)
Unwind the clock
there far beyond the beyond
where there is no one else
the world's on fire
on the waters he walks
humanity also walks...
passing the time with song
humming happy thoughts
Mouse falls into a trap
volcanoes explode islands
birds in my tree
birds destroy their nests
a rainy day, wash the hate away
like seahorse cowboys
singing their song
mushroom clouds dissipate
strawberries mean love
Let your body go with the wind
let your body free from your mind
Find...
there far beyond the beyond
where there is no one else
the world's on fire
on the waters he walks
humanity also walks...
passing the time with song
humming happy thoughts
Mouse falls into a trap
volcanoes explode islands
birds in my tree
birds destroy their nests
a rainy day, wash the hate away
like seahorse cowboys
singing their song
mushroom clouds dissipate
strawberries mean love
Let your body go with the wind
let your body free from your mind
Find...
#admiration
#art
#collaboration
#funny
#respect
75 reads
10 Comments
Pete_25
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 8:10am
7th Feb 2025 8:10am
Mess
This house is a bleedin' mess
There's dust everywhere
You really need to address
You are an idle mare
The carpet needs a hoover
The table needs a wipe
You really need to manoeuvre
If you want an easy life
There's food on the hob
It needs a damn good cleaning
You're such a lazy slob
I want to see it gleaming
Stop moaning about your back
Complaining about your knees
I'll only cut some slack
As you're nearly eighty-three!
There's dust everywhere
You really need to address
You are an idle mare
The carpet needs a hoover
The table needs a wipe
You really need to manoeuvre
If you want an easy life
There's food on the hob
It needs a damn good cleaning
You're such a lazy slob
I want to see it gleaming
Stop moaning about your back
Complaining about your knees
I'll only cut some slack
As you're nearly eighty-three!
#funny
77 reads
14 Comments
DamianDeadLove
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 7:59am
7th Feb 2025 7:59am
A Valuable Lesson
So I was at the public library here in town the other day. I live in a very small town by the way. Just returning some books my kids had borrowed. Nothing to make a big deal about you’d think.
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
#funny
#parody
#satirical
99 reads
20 Comments
Pishashee
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 3:17am
7th Feb 2025 3:17am
Periodic Table of Arguments
Oxygen, a fiery little redhead with a southern drawl, tapped her foot impatiently.
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
#earth
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#nature
#universe
67 reads
0 Comments
AfterSexDilemma
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 1:15am
7th Feb 2025 1:15am
Fired
I sexually harrass the special needs.
I'm real sexy.
Skinny as fuck and annoying.
Let me come help this girl out,
That's being harassed.
So I can get fired.
LMAO
I'm real sexy.
Skinny as fuck and annoying.
Let me come help this girl out,
That's being harassed.
So I can get fired.
LMAO
#funny
80 reads
3 Comments
AfterSexDilemma
Poem Published
5th Feb 2025 10:40pm
5th Feb 2025 10:40pm
Fake Love
The way she tells her sister she loves her,
With agony in her eyes.
Wishing she didn't have to babysit,
So she can get attention from guys.
Her sister just keeps smiling.
Having a great time.
She's completely oblivious,
Of this parasite.
I wonder if she secretly knows,
Her family's constant fight,
Between pretending that they love her,
And the hatred they try to hide.
But it's written all over their faces.
And she doesn't have a clue.
She's just skipping around merrily,
Entertained and amused.
With agony in her eyes.
Wishing she didn't have to babysit,
So she can get attention from guys.
Her sister just keeps smiling.
Having a great time.
She's completely oblivious,
Of this parasite.
I wonder if she secretly knows,
Her family's constant fight,
Between pretending that they love her,
And the hatred they try to hide.
But it's written all over their faces.
And she doesn't have a clue.
She's just skipping around merrily,
Entertained and amused.
#funny
#TruthOfLife
64 reads
12 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Poetry
