Least Read Funny Poems
#funny
Least read funny poems. Find an undiscovered masterpiece in the DU Poetry least read poems.
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Jan 2025 1:17am
29th Jan 2025 1:17am
That They're There
Me, and my ears
Have 'special' relationship
In as much, as weve agreed
That i don't look at them
And likewise
They've agreed
Not to look at me!
They justb lurk there
Beneath my hair
So i'm left knowing
That they're there
Always
Listening to my every word!
Not only walls have ears
So do heads!
by Jemia
Have 'special' relationship
In as much, as weve agreed
That i don't look at them
And likewise
They've agreed
Not to look at me!
They justb lurk there
Beneath my hair
So i'm left knowing
That they're there
Always
Listening to my every word!
Not only walls have ears
So do heads!
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
48 reads
0 Comments
AfterSexDilemma
Poem Published
Yesterday 1:33am
Yesterday 1:33am
Lawless
How can the government protect your privacy,
Without being private?
How do you investigate,
And not masturbate?
How do you pretend you're real,
And avoid forgetting you're not?
How do you make friends,
When you know they're all cops?
Why vote on old legislation,
Canada and Mexico have already been bought?
More than 20 years ago.
It was part of the plot.
Trans America is never gonna stop.
Secret deals is where the government shops.
If the government was public,
We'd all be...
Without being private?
How do you investigate,
And not masturbate?
How do you pretend you're real,
And avoid forgetting you're not?
How do you make friends,
When you know they're all cops?
Why vote on old legislation,
Canada and Mexico have already been bought?
More than 20 years ago.
It was part of the plot.
Trans America is never gonna stop.
Secret deals is where the government shops.
If the government was public,
We'd all be...
#corruption
#funny
#philosophical #politics
#philosophical #politics
48 reads
7 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
26th Oct 2024 1:26am
26th Oct 2024 1:26am
Eve All
Eve
showed
up
For
the
Halloween
party
Everyone
said
"Hello
Eve!"
So
we
named
this
night
All
hello's
Eve!
by Jemia
showed
up
For
the
Halloween
party
Everyone
said
"Hello
Eve!"
So
we
named
this
night
All
hello's
Eve!
by Jemia
#funny
#Halloween
#satirical
49 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
19th Jan 2025 9:54pm
19th Jan 2025 9:54pm
The Lonely Sock!
This poor sock, was all alone
All kind of wind blown
I was told it was alone
Because it had wind!
And was thus teased with the name windsock!
Surely wind, like any of us
Would wear a pair of socks!
Does that thus mean
That wind
Also wears, underwear?
I suspect that
'Windy knickers'
And a 'windy bra'
Won't catch on
Or go very far!
by Jemia
All kind of wind blown
I was told it was alone
Because it had wind!
And was thus teased with the name windsock!
Surely wind, like any of us
Would wear a pair of socks!
Does that thus mean
That wind
Also wears, underwear?
I suspect that
'Windy knickers'
And a 'windy bra'
Won't catch on
Or go very far!
by Jemia
#funny
#satirical
#wind
49 reads
0 Comments
Casted_Runes
Mr Karswell
Mr Karswell
Poem Published
29th Jan 2025 1:53am
29th Jan 2025 1:53am
Revenge of the Fembots
When I was a kid
I wanted to write
a sequel to Levin’s
The Stepford Wives wherein
the wives would gain
fresh sentience
and calibrate
their private parts
to pulverise
their husband’s bits
like so much sausage meat
blended to mush.
Quite how I would
have executed this
I do not know,
but genius in youth
is not at all
times practical.
I wanted to write
a sequel to Levin’s
The Stepford Wives wherein
the wives would gain
fresh sentience
and calibrate
their private parts
to pulverise
their husband’s bits
like so much sausage meat
blended to mush.
Quite how I would
have executed this
I do not know,
but genius in youth
is not at all
times practical.
#funny
49 reads
2 Comments
AfterSexDilemma
Poem Published
2nd Feb 2025 4:38am
2nd Feb 2025 4:38am
Jeebus
I'm dead in a ditch.
Jeebus did it because I believed.
He's a soul sucker, on his knees.
Kissing the people's feet.
I wish his fishing boat,
Would stop carrying me.
I'm 'bout to bounce,
And set myself free!
Free like the birds riding the sun,
Not to tomorrow.
I aint no Cinderelli dressed in yelly.
I'm the destroyer!
Leaving you all dead in ditches.
I suck your soul!
I sever heads!
Mindless. Tweeking.
Faith is my meth.
Now let me heal you,
With the...
Jeebus did it because I believed.
He's a soul sucker, on his knees.
Kissing the people's feet.
I wish his fishing boat,
Would stop carrying me.
I'm 'bout to bounce,
And set myself free!
Free like the birds riding the sun,
Not to tomorrow.
I aint no Cinderelli dressed in yelly.
I'm the destroyer!
Leaving you all dead in ditches.
I suck your soul!
I sever heads!
Mindless. Tweeking.
Faith is my meth.
Now let me heal you,
With the...
#funny
#religion
49 reads
4 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
7th Nov 2024 11:08pm
7th Nov 2024 11:08pm
Truths, And Other Variables There-in
I love you Donald Trump
In the same way
Like i like dogshit on my shoes
Or mosquitto bites on my anywhere
I love you like i love rice pudding
Which equally is likely to make me throw up
I love you for your hair
And the courage it must take to venture out with it
You must use a very good glue
So you are obviously brave
I'd like to tell you
How truly wonderful you are
But that would be a complete lie
But i guess you're use to lies
Well take care (don't!)
And have a nice day (have a shitty one)
by Jemia
In the same way
Like i like dogshit on my shoes
Or mosquitto bites on my anywhere
I love you like i love rice pudding
Which equally is likely to make me throw up
I love you for your hair
And the courage it must take to venture out with it
You must use a very good glue
So you are obviously brave
I'd like to tell you
How truly wonderful you are
But that would be a complete lie
But i guess you're use to lies
Well take care (don't!)
And have a nice day (have a shitty one)
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
#politics
50 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
A Bit Of A Tall Story
Whilst at the supermarket
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
50 reads
0 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
19th Jun 2024 3:01pm
19th Jun 2024 3:01pm
Ode To Caffeine
When I first heard of you, I didn't know what to expect
There were whispers and discussions and yet…
I was not tempted until that day
You had an accomplice
He said “why don't you try a dopio?”
“A dopio?”
“It's a double shot espresso
it's the only way I keep going for the day
I'm telling you you're gonna feel things you have never felt before”
I thought about it and decided
It's time to stop playing these games and just give you a shot
I went out and paid and had you in my hands
I still looked at...
There were whispers and discussions and yet…
I was not tempted until that day
You had an accomplice
He said “why don't you try a dopio?”
“A dopio?”
“It's a double shot espresso
it's the only way I keep going for the day
I'm telling you you're gonna feel things you have never felt before”
I thought about it and decided
It's time to stop playing these games and just give you a shot
I went out and paid and had you in my hands
I still looked at...
#funny
#morning
51 reads
17 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
23rd Dec 2024 11:34pm
23rd Dec 2024 11:34pm
S'now Joke!
Need to rant!!!!
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kind hearted, or I'm too stupid..... 😞
Yesterday it was so cold out that i took a man into my flat out of the kindness of my heart, i felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold. i turned up the heating and let him stay overnight. However this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor of the flat
! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to...
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kind hearted, or I'm too stupid..... 😞
Yesterday it was so cold out that i took a man into my flat out of the kindness of my heart, i felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold. i turned up the heating and let him stay overnight. However this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor of the flat
! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to...
#Christmas
#funny
#satirical
#snow
#surreal
51 reads
0 Comments
Pinkdreams
Poem Published
18th Jan 2025 5:44am
18th Jan 2025 5:44am
The Punctuation Guy
His dating profile was a little more interesting than most
Played the banjo
In a touring act with his sons
Also a visual artist
Several pictures of cute pets
Sure, I'll check him out
It was twenty years ago
Twenty five years?
How did we communicate back then
Some version of online chat I guess.
His opening line to me:
How are you this evening?????????
Yes.
Really that many.
Um, good. Thanks.
Glad to hear that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
Played the banjo
In a touring act with his sons
Also a visual artist
Several pictures of cute pets
Sure, I'll check him out
It was twenty years ago
Twenty five years?
How did we communicate back then
Some version of online chat I guess.
His opening line to me:
How are you this evening?????????
Yes.
Really that many.
Um, good. Thanks.
Glad to hear that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
#dating
#funny
51 reads
2 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
17th Sep 2024 00:53am
17th Sep 2024 00:53am
A Blue Kind Of Day!
I was verbally abused today
A person
Said an unforgivable thing to me
I find it almost to difficult to repeat
I'm still in shock!
What a thing
To accuse a complete stranger of
ME!!!!!
A TORY!!!!!!
I shall never wear blue ever again
Nor red
Nor yellow
Nor green
Which basically
Leaves me with nothing
So i'll be naked
In the lily the pink
Although it's a bit cold
So i'll likely turn blue
Then indubitally
I'll be accused
Of being a Tory again!
How very liberally laborious!
by...
A person
Said an unforgivable thing to me
I find it almost to difficult to repeat
I'm still in shock!
What a thing
To accuse a complete stranger of
ME!!!!!
A TORY!!!!!!
I shall never wear blue ever again
Nor red
Nor yellow
Nor green
Which basically
Leaves me with nothing
So i'll be naked
In the lily the pink
Although it's a bit cold
So i'll likely turn blue
Then indubitally
I'll be accused
Of being a Tory again!
How very liberally laborious!
by...
#funny
#politics
#satirical
52 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Least Read Funny Poems
