Funny Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
#funny
funny seeking friendly advice poems. Friendly advice and comments have been requested for these poems.
missjem56
Poem Published
23rd Nov 2024 5:25pm
23rd Nov 2024 5:25pm
Crying, But Not Crying (limerick)
There was a young lady
called Jemia
Her humour sometimes
could be dire
One day
for a joke
She wore
a great cloak
Whilst pretending to be
the Town Cryer!
by Jemia
called Jemia
Her humour sometimes
could be dire
One day
for a joke
She wore
a great cloak
Whilst pretending to be
the Town Cryer!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#limerick #satirical
#limerick #satirical
32 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
Preferring The Horn
The pauper porpoise poet
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
#betrayal
#fish
#funny
#satirical
#surreal
25 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
Magnetism
I would like to be
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody #satirical
#parody #satirical
41 reads
1 Comment
missjem56
Poem Published
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
Very Close Encounters!
I was once propositioned by an alien
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
#aliens
#funny
#sex #surreal
#sex #surreal
36 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
"Unfolding The Jaded Leaves"
I
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
#funny
#satirical
42 reads
0 Comments
WillowsWhimsies
Poem Published
15th Nov 2024 9:40pm
15th Nov 2024 9:40pm
no joke...
listen...
I got a few questions
been on my mind a minute
just keep building
so I'm gonna put them out there
see where it gets me
can't they come up with some kinda fix-a-flat
who do we see about that
cuz lately...
the girls aren't feeling as elevated
looking a bit tired
deflated
I want my bounce back
these days it seems like everything sags
& if I gotta pee
don't even look sideways at me
takes that trickle down effect...
to a whole other level
it's a serious situation
when the...
I got a few questions
been on my mind a minute
just keep building
so I'm gonna put them out there
see where it gets me
can't they come up with some kinda fix-a-flat
who do we see about that
cuz lately...
the girls aren't feeling as elevated
looking a bit tired
deflated
I want my bounce back
these days it seems like everything sags
& if I gotta pee
don't even look sideways at me
takes that trickle down effect...
to a whole other level
it's a serious situation
when the...
#aging
#frustration
#funny #women
#funny #women
118 reads
20 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
14th Nov 2024 2:33am
14th Nov 2024 2:33am
Russian Doll Spy Whales
The Russians originally
Had heard of spy whales
From one of their agents/spies
Based in North Wales, UK
And due to a simple typo
And general misunderstanding
The KGB, assumed that the British Government
Were training Welsh people to become spies
The British Government got wind of this
And deliberately gave their spy whales names
Such as Evan, Hugh, and Taff
Thus further confusing the KGB
But the error was later realised
Thence the Russians began building robotic whales
But they kept going rusty
Next they tried genetic...
Had heard of spy whales
From one of their agents/spies
Based in North Wales, UK
And due to a simple typo
And general misunderstanding
The KGB, assumed that the British Government
Were training Welsh people to become spies
The British Government got wind of this
And deliberately gave their spy whales names
Such as Evan, Hugh, and Taff
Thus further confusing the KGB
But the error was later realised
Thence the Russians began building robotic whales
But they kept going rusty
Next they tried genetic...
#fish
#funny
#satirical #technology
#satirical #technology
38 reads
2 Comments
Timagination2
Poem Published
10th Nov 2024 11:39pm
10th Nov 2024 11:39pm
Timagination's Basic Guide to Women
Welcome. I couldn't decide on a title for this, so I had to leave it a bit vague after the words "basic guide to..." Words like "decoding women," "surviving women," "dating women," and "getting along with women" were all thrown around but didn't quite fit.
The original title was: "Timagination's Basic Attempt to Decode Women Even Though He's Never Been Married But Has Heard So Much from Other Guys and He has Writer's Block So He Needs to Write Something Even If It Sucks, and the Women Abandon Him Because of It."
...
The original title was: "Timagination's Basic Attempt to Decode Women Even Though He's Never Been Married But Has Heard So Much from Other Guys and He has Writer's Block So He Needs to Write Something Even If It Sucks, and the Women Abandon Him Because of It."
...
#funny
#women
60 reads
7 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
10th Nov 2024 10:56pm
10th Nov 2024 10:56pm
Runaways
I visited lost property
Firstly at the police station
But to no avail
Then lost luggage
At British Rail
Then a call out on social media
After first reading an encyclopedia
Yet no matter what
No answers were got
I'd searched far, and wide
Where on earth could it hide?
As i slowly lose my mind
It's my sense of humour i can't find
And i suspect i know
That my humour
Ran away with my mojo!
by Jemia
Firstly at the police station
But to no avail
Then lost luggage
At British Rail
Then a call out on social media
After first reading an encyclopedia
Yet no matter what
No answers were got
I'd searched far, and wide
Where on earth could it hide?
As i slowly lose my mind
It's my sense of humour i can't find
And i suspect i know
That my humour
Ran away with my mojo!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #SelfDiscovery
#satirical #SelfDiscovery
28 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
8th Nov 2024 00:43am
8th Nov 2024 00:43am
Being Naked, Or Baring Not Just Your Soul
Nude, bare, could be anywhere
Like in a bath, or a shower
Or life modelling
As a flower
Or medical examinations
Or operations
Or being prepared
For cremation, or burial
And of course sex
Well not always certain to be nude for that
Depends on whether a night of passion, or pleasure
Or a quickee at leisure!
There's many reasons
To be naked, or nude
Not just for moments rude
by Jemia
Like in a bath, or a shower
Or life modelling
As a flower
Or medical examinations
Or operations
Or being prepared
For cremation, or burial
And of course sex
Well not always certain to be nude for that
Depends on whether a night of passion, or pleasure
Or a quickee at leisure!
There's many reasons
To be naked, or nude
Not just for moments rude
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#LifeCycle
38 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
7th Nov 2024 11:08pm
7th Nov 2024 11:08pm
Truths, And Other Variables There-in
I love you Donald Trump
In the same way
Like i like dogshit on my shoes
Or mosquitto bites on my anywhere
I love you like i love rice pudding
Which equally is likely to make me throw up
I love you for your hair
And the courage it must take to venture out with it
You must use a very good glue
So you are obviously brave
I'd like to tell you
How truly wonderful you are
But that would be a complete lie
But i guess you're use to lies
Well take care (don't!)
And have a nice day (have a shitty one)
by Jemia
In the same way
Like i like dogshit on my shoes
Or mosquitto bites on my anywhere
I love you like i love rice pudding
Which equally is likely to make me throw up
I love you for your hair
And the courage it must take to venture out with it
You must use a very good glue
So you are obviously brave
I'd like to tell you
How truly wonderful you are
But that would be a complete lie
But i guess you're use to lies
Well take care (don't!)
And have a nice day (have a shitty one)
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
#politics
30 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
4th Nov 2024 4:42pm
4th Nov 2024 4:42pm
Buzz Stops!
There was a young rabbit
called Lucy
That i found
particularly juicy
So i went to
celebrate her
As my favourite
vib rator
Although i'm not necessarily
choosey!
by Jemia
called Lucy
That i found
particularly juicy
So i went to
celebrate her
As my favourite
vib rator
Although i'm not necessarily
choosey!
by Jemia
#funny
#sex
91 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
