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Weird shit and nothing else

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
124awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16521

Ahavati said:This fucking thread is hilarious!

So, I was living in this basement apartment a lifetime ago and its entrance had sliding glass doors. One day my brother showed up at my bedroom/office window, which confused me, and he said, "Sis! There's this huge, gigantic, enormous ( and most likely additional adjectives I can't recall ) SNAKE stretched across your doors!"

I was like, WTF? And sure enough, I walked into the living room and just about SHIT my pants. It was the HUGEST, FATTEST snake I had ever seen in my life!  All my brother could find was a large stick to poke it. He finally got it off my door and it fell from my screened in porch ( probably the way it got in ) and instead of heading for the wooded area it slid under the house.

I though nothing more of it.

A month or so later, I was taking a shower. The apartment only had one of those small shower stalls with a light atop it. So, I had just lathered my hair really good and I felt something drop on my hands. I was like, WTF?! Through soapy, burning eyes I saw something writhing at the bottom of the shower so jumped out! shampoo and all!

I took the shower massage ( I swear to the gods ) and put it on Jet and cornered the damn thing in the shower by propping the shower massage up with shampoo and conditioner bottles. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a large mason jar, and with the shower massage finagled that damn snake into it!

I always thought it would be a great Shower Massage Commercial. 'Also good for fighting off snakes!'

I heard my landlord outside cutting grass so threw on my robe and grabbed the mason jar and headed outside, hair still lathered, and eyes red as fuck as though I was high. I was raising hell about the snake getting into the apartment and wrapping itself around my shower light. I noticed he couldn't take his eyes off the 'snake'.

I finally handed it to him because he said he knew people that raised snakes and they could tell us what it was. I went back in my apartment and in passing the mirror I noticed that in all the commotion, I had thrown my robe on but not tied it. So he was in fact looking at my tits rather than the snake. That made me even madder, though I can laugh about it now.

Anyway, a few hours later, he knocked on the door and said his neighbors had decided to keep it because it was a baby python.

I'm like, HELL TO THE NO! TO THE NO! NO! NO! And realized that damn huge, gigantic, enormous ( and most likely additional adjectives I can't recall ) SNAKE stretched across my doors had gone under the house and had laid eggs and they were hatching!

I didn't sleep for the rest of the time I was there, and even stayed at friend's houses until I moved the HELL out the next week and never looked back.


Omg! Ahavati... We, Luckily it wasn't a poisonous snake! Brrr...😱

Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States 118awards
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 15489

Grace said:

Omg! Ahavati... We, Luckily it wasn't a poisonous snake! Brrr...😱


Right?! Or that I was in the damn shower, being it was more focused on getting out of the water than biting my jumping feet!

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
124awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16521

This is another weird stuff our grandma told us. Her gran was still young, and her mother just had her, so she heard this from her mother.
Once a blind couple stayed over on their way to a distant village.
Soon when night fell, everyone went to bed and the couple made love. A couple of youngsters who were still awake started to giggle and shamed them. The blind couple were of course mortified. Next day the couple left the house but before leaving the compound they turned and cursed the household.
For your info, our houses in those days were long houses similar to terrace houses, where ten families may live in the long house.
Anyway, the youngsters concerned who ironically got married to each other; their descendants to last generation( my father) were deaf and had bad speech impediment, they spoke like gobbling turkeys.
I remember listening them trying to understand what they were saying.
This generation the curse perhaps lifted it was like seven now, and the off spring speak well. Not deaf. We went to school together too, with some of the older ones.
One of them was the village harvest beauty queen.
Weird stuff...I think.🤓😏

Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States 118awards
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 15489

That is weird, Grace!

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
124awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16521

Ahavati said:That is weird, Grace!
Isn't it though.

Rew
Fire of Insight
England 15awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 490

Great, true, storytelling from Grace.

We don't have much wildlife in my
small islands. Everything large has
been hounded to death. But...

I'm a bit wary of insects, creepy crawlies
and suchlike and in my backyard there's
lots of ants but being shortsighted and
not wearing my specks around home I'm
pretty much insulated from them. Sure
they crawl over my feet when I'm sat out
but I put up with them it's like the flies
everyone gets, we just bat away at them?

Well, one muggy day in June or July there
was a great commotion at ground level. It
was like two vast but miniature armies were
battling to death for prominence though I
couldn't see much, just a blur, I could hear
some weird whirrings which made my skin
crawl. And still do.

There were things coming up from the cracks
between my paving slabs in a great mass of
something I couldn't quite see, crawling, jumping
struggling but I hate creepy crawlies and this lot
put the wind up me. I got down on my knees, to see
bad mistake, bad, bad, bad because all of a sudden this
mass of things took flight and lots entered the O of
my mouth. Filthy things. I hate creepy crawlies even
though these were, unknown to me, just flying ants!

Rew
Fire of Insight
England 15awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 490

That's a big fat laugh


(I can't figure out where stuff goes. it's awfully being site blind)

ViolenceIn_Silence
Strange Creature
Joined 30th May 2024
Forum Posts: 2

I once tried shaving my balls with a 3 blades razor. The little hairs tickled my nose and well long story short, I nearly lost a testicle over it all. Fun times, wouldn't recommnend

Betty
Tyrant of Words
United States 22awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 497

Ahavati said:This fucking thread is hilarious!

So, I was living in this basement apartment a lifetime ago and its entrance had sliding glass doors. One day my brother showed up at my bedroom/office window, which confused me, and he said, "Sis! There's this huge, gigantic, enormous ( and most likely additional adjectives I can't recall ) SNAKE stretched across your doors!"

I was like, WTF? And sure enough, I walked into the living room and just about SHIT my pants. It was the HUGEST, FATTEST snake I had ever seen in my life!  All my brother could find was a large stick to poke it. He finally got it off my door and it fell from my screened in porch ( probably the way it got in ) and instead of heading for the wooded area it slid under the house.

I though nothing more of it.

A month or so later, I was taking a shower. The apartment only had one of those small shower stalls with a light atop it. So, I had just lathered my hair really good and I felt something drop on my hands. I was like, WTF?! Through soapy, burning eyes I saw something writhing at the bottom of the shower so jumped out! shampoo and all!

I took the shower massage ( I swear to the gods ) and put it on Jet and cornered the damn thing in the shower by propping the shower massage up with shampoo and conditioner bottles. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a large mason jar, and with the shower massage finagled that damn snake into it!

I always thought it would be a great Shower Massage Commercial. 'Also good for fighting off snakes!'

I heard my landlord outside cutting grass so threw on my robe and grabbed the mason jar and headed outside, hair still lathered, and eyes red as fuck as though I was high. I was raising hell about the snake getting into the apartment and wrapping itself around my shower light. I noticed he couldn't take his eyes off the 'snake'.

I finally handed it to him because he said he knew people that raised snakes and they could tell us what it was. I went back in my apartment and in passing the mirror I noticed that in all the commotion, I had thrown my robe on but not tied it. So he was in fact looking at my tits rather than the snake. That made me even madder, though I can laugh about it now.

Anyway, a few hours later, he knocked on the door and said his neighbors had decided to keep it because it was a baby python.

I'm like, HELL TO THE NO! TO THE NO! NO! NO! And realized that damn huge, gigantic, enormous ( and most likely additional adjectives I can't recall ) SNAKE stretched across my doors had gone under the house and had laid eggs and they were hatching!

I didn't sleep for the rest of the time I was there, and even stayed at friend's houses until I moved the HELL out the next week and never looked back.



You can use shower massagers forÖ oops!

Omg. I want to laugh but this ties in to a deep phobia I have of toilet snakes

In the middle of the night Iím totally convinced a snake is going to bite me in the ass on the toilet. When Iím primitive hiking and stuff half of my time is spent finding places to not get bitten on the junk while peeing

I might have actually died

Totally admire you for only moving and not burning the entire place down!


Betty
Tyrant of Words
United States 22awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 497

Grace said:This is another weird stuff our grandma told us. Her gran was still young, and her mother just had her, so she heard this from her mother.
Once a blind couple stayed over on their way to a distant village.
Soon when night fell, everyone went to bed and the couple made love. A couple of youngsters who were still awake started to giggle and shamed them. The blind couple were of course mortified. Next day the couple left the house but before leaving the compound they turned and cursed the household.
For your info, our houses in those days were long houses similar to terrace houses, where ten families may live in the long house.
Anyway, the youngsters concerned who ironically got married to each other; their descendants to last generation( my father) were deaf and had bad speech impediment, they spoke like gobbling turkeys.
I remember listening them trying to understand what they were saying.
This generation the curse perhaps lifted it was like seven now, and the off spring speak well. Not deaf. We went to school together too, with some of the older ones.
One of them was the village harvest beauty queen.
Weird stuff...I think.🤓😏


(I work with a Haitian lady and I swear curses are real. She can finger hex someone and they walk into a trash can$

Thatís definitely some weird stuff Grace!


Betty
Tyrant of Words
United States 22awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 497

Rew said:Great, true, storytelling from Grace.

We don't have much wildlife in my
small islands. Everything large has
been hounded to death. But...

I'm a bit wary of insects, creepy crawlies
and suchlike and in my backyard there's
lots of ants but being shortsighted and
not wearing my specks around home I'm
pretty much insulated from them. Sure
they crawl over my feet when I'm sat out
but I put up with them it's like the flies
everyone gets, we just bat away at them?

Well, one muggy day in June or July there
was a great commotion at ground level. It
was like two vast but miniature armies were
battling to death for prominence though I
couldn't see much, just a blur, I could hear
some weird whirrings which made my skin
crawl. And still do.

There were things coming up from the cracks
between my paving slabs in a great mass of
something I couldn't quite see, crawling, jumping
struggling but I hate creepy crawlies and this lot
put the wind up me. I got down on my knees, to see
bad mistake, bad, bad, bad because all of a sudden this
mass of things took flight and lots entered the O of
my mouth. Filthy things. I hate creepy crawlies even
though these were, unknown to me, just flying ants!


Rew! Noooooooooo! Not the mouth bugs! Ugh! Noooooooooo!

I have absolutely snorted a row of gnats when running at dusk, and the feeling is so gross I canít Ö. Blweerararararwwwwgggllll!



Betty
Tyrant of Words
United States 22awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 497

ViolenceIn_Silence said:I once tried shaving my balls with a 3 blades razor. The little hairs tickled my nose and well long story short, I nearly lost a testicle over it all. Fun times, wouldn't recommnend


Hey, not having nuts is pretty great. But fuuuck! Thatís a bitch!

Nice of you to keep them clean.

Nothing worse then getting a footlong curly stick down the throat - amiright?!

Shit. Sorry.

I tried to shave my lady nuts with mentholated menís shaving gel. It burned when I peed for three solid days!  But my hoo-haw was a soft as a babyís bottom!!!





Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States 118awards
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 15489

Betty said:


You can use shower massagers forÖ oops!

Omg. I want to laugh but this ties in to a deep phobia I have of toilet snakes

In the middle of the night Iím totally convinced a snake is going to bite me in the ass on the toilet. When Iím primitive hiking and stuff half of my time is spent finding places to not get bitten on the junk while peeing

I might have actually died

Totally admire you for only moving and not burning the entire place down!



Hahahaha! I think we all have that phobia to some degree. And spiders lurking under the seat!

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
124awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16521

Betty said:

(I work with a Haitian lady and I swear curses are real. She can finger hex someone and they walk into a trash can$

Thatís definitely some weird stuff Grace!



Ooh...scary that.😱 Blackmagic belief is still alive and well in my part of the world.

Betty
Tyrant of Words
United States 22awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 497

I didnít realize this wasnít weird outside of a runnerís community:

I generally have anywhere between 1-6 fake toenails at any given time. (You can get them at most salons that offer pedicures)

After a year of not running - knee surgery - all of my toenails have grown back and I had almost -pretty feet.

But todayís run gave me a tell-tale crack on the left big toenail. I told my friend Iíd have to get a falsie for it for sandal season and she fell out of her chair.

Fell. Out.

I was today years old when I found out that most people donít get fake toenails when they go get their nails did

I have big feet (Iím a tall woman) and no matter which shoe I have, menís, womenís, Altra, Nike, New Balance, Hoka, BrooksÖ the toe box is going to rub my left big toenail off.

So. Weird.



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