You were the first ever man to break my heart, to steal what little innocence I had.
I wish that I could say that it was the first time you hurt me Apá, but it would be a lie.
You hurled your words at me like sharp shards of glass, each one small enough to hurt.
I wanted to believe in the best of you, that the anger consuming you was just a set back.
I remember the first time you showed your true colors, in the middle of my school.
I will never forget the shocked faces, the girls who called us both crazy.
I wanted to believe that you weren't all bad, that even I deserved a normal dad.
I'd always wanted to please you, Apá; your approval was the one thing I needed,
And I never got it, not even to this day.
Instead I am here now, afraid of loud voices and loud sounds, living in fear.
I still pick at my food, in fear that you are somewhere watching me eat.
I still jump every time I hear a door slam, in fear that it is you on another bad day.
You are in everyone of my nightmares, every villain in every movie I will ever see.
You were the first man to take everything away from me, the first man to break my heart.