deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hymn to Rituals
So the thing is
I have an anxiety disorder
or maybe it's an anxiety order
thanks to my OCD
even I don't know
how I feel about that
mostly because the answer
is probably wrong and I've spent
the last ten minutes choking down
enough dry spit to worry about
your stupid fucking question.
I've always had this thing
this over-analysis
of everything
which surprises me
for two reasons:
one
I
never
stop laughing
at my own jokes
or other people's jokes
or other people being
the joke
two
when I attempt meditation
I'm sure it says somewhere
in the small print
thou shalt not punch
a cunt in the face
or some general
misogyny like that
anyway
I'm pretty sure
I fail on both counts
or at least I worry
that I think I do
and there in lies
my problem.
You see my anxiety
is unique in the fact
it is both shield
and weapon
because I will be
the very first
to press my little
introverted red button
and
BAM!
anti-social-crochet
tea-drinking-hermit-girl
comes out like the worst
fucking super-hero I know
but
this
this
is not
all my
anxiety
is.
It is not an excuse
or even an answer
because it becomes
the heaviest of swords
and I never stop fighting
living, creating, breathing
believing that somehow
you might just take a chance
you might just get past my fear
and come to know that I laugh
to save myself
I build these walls because
I know no other way than this
I am not my disorder
and I strike this blade
over and over
to carve into stone
I
am
a
fucking
weirdo
I exist
I am more
than this
Published 27th Apr 2024
Author's Note
Letters to the Old Ways
27/30
27/30
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Apr 2024 6:50pm
A lot of what you described here fits me as well. So, if weird means different, I guess you just got a little less weird.
Really enjoyed how you expressed this. You certainly have a way with words. Very descriptive but also entertaining to the reader. Good write. Thank you for sharing
Really enjoyed how you expressed this. You certainly have a way with words. Very descriptive but also entertaining to the reader. Good write. Thank you for sharing
27th Apr 2024 11:22pm
Thank you, my dear.
I think what I love the most about poetry is how subjective it is. How we can take what resonates with us. And that’s a real gift.
Descriptive but entertaining… kind of the British condition there to be fair… 😂
Appreciate the drop in, Weirdo.
-M
I think what I love the most about poetry is how subjective it is. How we can take what resonates with us. And that’s a real gift.
Descriptive but entertaining… kind of the British condition there to be fair… 😂
Appreciate the drop in, Weirdo.
-M
28th Apr 2024 00:09am
This brought a smile to my face and that is not a common occurrence. Thank you.
It's the order of walls from anxiety disorder...
So is that mean we actually canceled ourselves out?
Right?
Psht. You're not weird.
Haha,
Love this!
♡
So is that mean we actually canceled ourselves out?
Right?
Psht. You're not weird.
Haha,
Love this!
♡
27th Apr 2024 11:23pm
I think we are all the sane ones. It’s the world that’s really crazy 😝
Thanks for dropping in and leaving your thoughts.
-M
Thanks for dropping in and leaving your thoughts.
-M
28th Apr 2024 2:16am
Bravo.
I much enjoyed reading about what it's like to be you. And I really liked the truth in your closing line.
I much enjoyed reading about what it's like to be you. And I really liked the truth in your closing line.
