Poetry competition CLOSED 7th December 2018 2:30pm
WINNER
Matilda (Jusmaryt)
Matilda (Jusmaryt)
RUNNERS-UP:
wallyroo92
and snugglebuck
Joke shelter/Nov2018
Poetry Contest Description
get your joke, riddle, pun in from the cold, or heat if you are from the southern hemisphere
Just, basically, if there was a joke
just lying there, and it needed a place to hang out,
please, place it here,
it is getting dangerously cold in the european countries
right now,
and although I've never been there, Australia is getting
mighty hot right about now.
so these jokes need a safe shelter.
One of them will be selected by some unkown rubrick
to be the 'winner',
So, get out there and rescue a riddle, and get it where it can be
SAFE.
Here, I will start:
Q: what do you call it when you pee in your dream?
A: sleee-peeing
just lying there, and it needed a place to hang out,
please, place it here,
it is getting dangerously cold in the european countries
right now,
and although I've never been there, Australia is getting
mighty hot right about now.
so these jokes need a safe shelter.
One of them will be selected by some unkown rubrick
to be the 'winner',
So, get out there and rescue a riddle, and get it where it can be
SAFE.
Here, I will start:
Q: what do you call it when you pee in your dream?
A: sleee-peeing
Riddle of the King's Seed
Once there lived an ancient king
Without and heir or marriage ring
He was old, and groaned about his throne
And the future of his home
And so one day the king decreed:
"The kingdom's children get one seed.
To the child who's plant is best and faire
I shall declare them my heir!"
Three months later they arrived
From city straights and countryside
And plants of every kind were here
And yet the king was without cheer
Yet last of all a young girl brought
A little empty flower pot
Without a plant...and filled with soil
To her the king gave all the spoil
Why?
Without and heir or marriage ring
He was old, and groaned about his throne
And the future of his home
And so one day the king decreed:
"The kingdom's children get one seed.
To the child who's plant is best and faire
I shall declare them my heir!"
Three months later they arrived
From city straights and countryside
And plants of every kind were here
And yet the king was without cheer
Yet last of all a young girl brought
A little empty flower pot
Without a plant...and filled with soil
To her the king gave all the spoil
Why?
Written by EleazarSwan
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Here's a riddle for the reader
The Mystery of Brownie the Magical Poo
One day when father entered the bathroom,
On the toilet seat there sat a big poo,
And though no one claimed to have done it,
Father was upset and didn’t know what to do.
But mother on the other hand was furious,
That someone would be that absurd,
So she decided to question the children,
And find out who left that big turd.
First mother asked the baby and the baby said:
“I’m a baby, I can’t even reach the bowl,
Besides that poo is a long curvy thing,
That can’t come out of my bung hole.”
The mother then asked her little daughter,
And she said “I couldn’t have left that dung,
That’s a very un-lady like thing for me to do
But it’s so big I would’ve coughed up a lung.”
Next the mother questioned her little boy,
“Did you take a poo and just leave it there?”
“No mom I swear, but I think it’s magical,
Let’s take a picture of it, post it and share.”
Mother then questioned her older daughter,
“Eww no, really? Mom! That’s really gross,
I don’t even like to think about bowel movements,
Let alone think about one of those!”
Mother than turned to her oldest son,
“I didn’t do it mom, I swear it wasn’t me,
But my little brother is right, it’s magical,
I think we should name it Brownie.”
Mom fought, argued, begged and pleaded,
But no one would cop to it or make a deal,
So she left it there for days making her angrier,
They all knew that shit was about to get real.
A week later just like it had started,
It disappeared and still no one had a clue,
How or where that stool came or went,
And that’s the mystery,
Of Brownie, the Magical poo.
The End.
Next week Comet, the Inexplicable Vomit.
One day when father entered the bathroom,
On the toilet seat there sat a big poo,
And though no one claimed to have done it,
Father was upset and didn’t know what to do.
But mother on the other hand was furious,
That someone would be that absurd,
So she decided to question the children,
And find out who left that big turd.
First mother asked the baby and the baby said:
“I’m a baby, I can’t even reach the bowl,
Besides that poo is a long curvy thing,
That can’t come out of my bung hole.”
The mother then asked her little daughter,
And she said “I couldn’t have left that dung,
That’s a very un-lady like thing for me to do
But it’s so big I would’ve coughed up a lung.”
Next the mother questioned her little boy,
“Did you take a poo and just leave it there?”
“No mom I swear, but I think it’s magical,
Let’s take a picture of it, post it and share.”
Mother then questioned her older daughter,
“Eww no, really? Mom! That’s really gross,
I don’t even like to think about bowel movements,
Let alone think about one of those!”
Mother than turned to her oldest son,
“I didn’t do it mom, I swear it wasn’t me,
But my little brother is right, it’s magical,
I think we should name it Brownie.”
Mom fought, argued, begged and pleaded,
But no one would cop to it or make a deal,
So she left it there for days making her angrier,
They all knew that shit was about to get real.
A week later just like it had started,
It disappeared and still no one had a clue,
How or where that stool came or went,
And that’s the mystery,
Of Brownie, the Magical poo.
The End.
Next week Comet, the Inexplicable Vomit.
Newton's apple sauce
With twisting vines of old deception
Trees in their garden growing into splendor
Until an apple taste brings cognition
A baby not to realize a full scoping render...
Watching comets shoot in hindsight
A dangerous toy to play in your damnation
Predicting tales in demon forthright
Better spinning top ideas of your salvation...
A measured reaction to their action
When power is given more wind to unfurl
Replacing the light with an infraction
Chasing dreams down their sinning whirl...
Spinning orbs in such skyless details
Platonic cookies onto sheets of prostration
Winded sails across the desert trails
Described in false by a plethora of "ations"...
Written by runaway-mindtrain
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Related submission no longer exists.
Jesus's Gun
Question: If he lived in America today, what sort of gun would Jesus have! 🔫
Answer: A nail-gun. After all, he was a carpenter who'd want to build things up, not shoot people down.
Answer: A nail-gun. After all, he was a carpenter who'd want to build things up, not shoot people down.
Written by snugglebuck
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The Revenge of Honky-White-Trash-Kitty-Cat
NEVER laugh at the Cat!
He won't get upset
but he will pay you back.
He peed on the Saxophone
player's bow tie...
while on the back
of the sink it did lie.
...It was drying...
after it's weekly wash.
And before going to work
in the Case the Dude tossed
it... right next to his sax, tucked under the lid...
surely he hadn't a clue
what was hid
there.
When he got to the gig, Dude prepped his position,
Unpacked his sax and applied the bow tie.
As the show picked up tempo musicians grew warmer,
The temps 'round the band were starting to rise.
Now that tie had been baptized with a heady solution.
That soon permeated the breadth of the stage
As the music got louder, the musicians breathed deeply
and leaned far away from the offensive bouquet.
But... there was nought to be done, as the tie must be worn
for the whole of the program, beginning to end.
The gig was quite formal.. the Tux a requirement,
Honky's Revenge was two hours of end-less aroma.
And if there's a lesson it seems it's that
It NEVER pays off to laugh at the cat.
He won't get upset
but he will pay you back.
He peed on the Saxophone
player's bow tie...
while on the back
of the sink it did lie.
...It was drying...
after it's weekly wash.
And before going to work
in the Case the Dude tossed
it... right next to his sax, tucked under the lid...
surely he hadn't a clue
what was hid
there.
When he got to the gig, Dude prepped his position,
Unpacked his sax and applied the bow tie.
As the show picked up tempo musicians grew warmer,
The temps 'round the band were starting to rise.
Now that tie had been baptized with a heady solution.
That soon permeated the breadth of the stage
As the music got louder, the musicians breathed deeply
and leaned far away from the offensive bouquet.
But... there was nought to be done, as the tie must be worn
for the whole of the program, beginning to end.
The gig was quite formal.. the Tux a requirement,
Honky's Revenge was two hours of end-less aroma.
And if there's a lesson it seems it's that
It NEVER pays off to laugh at the cat.
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
OOPS!
This is just a piece of daft doggerel I wrote for my own amusment.
Seven o’clock Sunday morning
Mum and daddy’s plight
Little menace three years old
Kept them up half the night
At last says Mummy he’s asleep
Now time for some respite
She’s bouncing up and down on him
And really in full throe
The little bugger marches in
And he wants to know
What are you doing to daddy mummy?
Why are you jumping on his tummy?
Well says mummy daddy’s fat
So I am bouncing to make sure
That his tummy stays real flat
And bouncing is the cure
The little boy laughs with joy
You’ll never do it Mummy
He laughs ‘til he’s hysterical
She asks him why it’s funny
Well every time you go to work
Daddy plays a game
He lets the lady from next door
Blow him up again!
Seven o’clock Sunday morning
Mum and daddy’s plight
Little menace three years old
Kept them up half the night
At last says Mummy he’s asleep
Now time for some respite
She’s bouncing up and down on him
And really in full throe
The little bugger marches in
And he wants to know
What are you doing to daddy mummy?
Why are you jumping on his tummy?
Well says mummy daddy’s fat
So I am bouncing to make sure
That his tummy stays real flat
And bouncing is the cure
The little boy laughs with joy
You’ll never do it Mummy
He laughs ‘til he’s hysterical
She asks him why it’s funny
Well every time you go to work
Daddy plays a game
He lets the lady from next door
Blow him up again!
Written by blocat
Go To Page
aw snuggs, I need some funny Pleeeze
So this family dog is seven years old,
but then the kid says mom says the dog is fifty years old,
so what the mom did was multiply the age by seven, to get 50.
So the kid says, so mom, you must be 210 years old!
So this family dog is seven years old,
but then the kid says mom says the dog is fifty years old,
so what the mom did was multiply the age by seven, to get 50.
So the kid says, so mom, you must be 210 years old!
