Surreal Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
#surreal
missjem56
Poem Published
Yesterday 11:34pm
Yesterday 11:34pm
S'now Joke!
Need to rant!!!!
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kind hearted, or I'm too stupid..... 😞
Yesterday it was so cold out that i took a man into my flat out of the kindness of my heart, i felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold. i turned up the heating and let him stay overnight. However this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor of the flat
! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to...
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kind hearted, or I'm too stupid..... 😞
Yesterday it was so cold out that i took a man into my flat out of the kindness of my heart, i felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold. i turned up the heating and let him stay overnight. However this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor of the flat
! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to...
#Christmas
#funny
#satirical
#snow
#surreal
10 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
22nd Dec 2024 9:43pm
22nd Dec 2024 9:43pm
A Cocc, And Bull Tale
The cuckoos
coccyx
Lay damaged
by the cocks crow
As the cocks
coccyx
Began to
glow
And
so
Both thought it
all very unfair
As they
hobbled about
With a sore
derriere!
by Jemia
coccyx
Lay damaged
by the cocks crow
As the cocks
coccyx
Began to
glow
And
so
Both thought it
all very unfair
As they
hobbled about
With a sore
derriere!
by Jemia
#funny
#parody
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
28 reads
0 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
19th Dec 2024 7:34pm
19th Dec 2024 7:34pm
Petals For The Hatter’s Bands
Petals For The Hatter’s Bands
“I’ve outgrown all my sweet sixteen dresses. Being eighteen feels so strange. It is even more peculiar than falling down the rabbit hole when I was but a wee lass.”
“Don’t feel glum my dear. It will feel like a dress tailored just for you in the bat of your eyelashes.”
“Will I still get to visit you here in this wonderland I have come to call home?”
“You will see us when you dream.”
“I hope so. I’d be lost without your tea parties.”
The Hatter says, “Let me go pick the berries that...
“I’ve outgrown all my sweet sixteen dresses. Being eighteen feels so strange. It is even more peculiar than falling down the rabbit hole when I was but a wee lass.”
“Don’t feel glum my dear. It will feel like a dress tailored just for you in the bat of your eyelashes.”
“Will I still get to visit you here in this wonderland I have come to call home?”
“You will see us when you dream.”
“I hope so. I’d be lost without your tea parties.”
The Hatter says, “Let me go pick the berries that...
#dreams
#magic
#surreal
#tea
#women
61 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
18th Dec 2024 2:45am
18th Dec 2024 2:45am
Time For The Goblet Of Honey
There's a toilet roll
By my shoulder
Tis true
But not there
For the loo
But a random aitchoo
It's currently looped
Over the stem
Of a bottle
Of balsamic vinegar
Which is half sticking
Out of a drawer
Of a bookcase
With no books
After this write
And read
You too
May fancy mead!
by Jemia
By my shoulder
Tis true
But not there
For the loo
But a random aitchoo
It's currently looped
Over the stem
Of a bottle
Of balsamic vinegar
Which is half sticking
Out of a drawer
Of a bookcase
With no books
After this write
And read
You too
May fancy mead!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#philosophical
#satirical
#surreal
26 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
15th Dec 2024 3:16am
15th Dec 2024 3:16am
Night Of The Living Wobble!
It was once said
That Weevils wobble
But they don't fall down
I used to be a Weevil
Now i'm just a wobble
"Remember you're a wobble
Like a womble
Only different....
by Jemia
That Weevils wobble
But they don't fall down
I used to be a Weevil
Now i'm just a wobble
"Remember you're a wobble
Like a womble
Only different....
by Jemia
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical
#surreal
49 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
4th Dec 2024 2:56pm
4th Dec 2024 2:56pm
A Marriage
I had seen its pulsating glow
From down here, on the earth below
Its light had disturbed my sleep
Beneath it's slow stagnant creep
In desperation, and despair
I gained no sleep, under the moon all aglare
So i grabbed my bow, and held it true
As i shot my golden arrow to the moon
It sat like a lantern shadowed raven
Amongst the night skies there engraven
My arrow meanwhile, continued its mission
For i captured the moon, in my vision
The moon got angry, it turned a blood red
As it stood there scowling, above my...
From down here, on the earth below
Its light had disturbed my sleep
Beneath it's slow stagnant creep
In desperation, and despair
I gained no sleep, under the moon all aglare
So i grabbed my bow, and held it true
As i shot my golden arrow to the moon
It sat like a lantern shadowed raven
Amongst the night skies there engraven
My arrow meanwhile, continued its mission
For i captured the moon, in my vision
The moon got angry, it turned a blood red
As it stood there scowling, above my...
#magic
#moon
#surreal
47 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
3rd Dec 2024 11:36pm
3rd Dec 2024 11:36pm
Multi Story Far Lark, Scrambled!
I am many things
I can multi task
At the drop of a pin
Not only pick up the proverbial pin
But scold the careless person
Who dropped the pin that didn't actually exist!
Dropping pins willy-nilly
I can write stuff, and do art
I can dance, like a bakewell tart
I can work as a team
Useful perhaps in a menage a troix!
I can paint the entirety of a house
And plant a myriad trees
Dance like a butterfly
A bit nervous around bees
I am the missing spoke
Of a bicycle wheel
Useful to be, if this was for real
I am...
I can multi task
At the drop of a pin
Not only pick up the proverbial pin
But scold the careless person
Who dropped the pin that didn't actually exist!
Dropping pins willy-nilly
I can write stuff, and do art
I can dance, like a bakewell tart
I can work as a team
Useful perhaps in a menage a troix!
I can paint the entirety of a house
And plant a myriad trees
Dance like a butterfly
A bit nervous around bees
I am the missing spoke
Of a bicycle wheel
Useful to be, if this was for real
I am...
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
55 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
1st Dec 2024 00:13am
1st Dec 2024 00:13am
Trans Reindeers With The Hump
Tis now the eve of december
A time to remember
NOT to watch tv
Avoid christmas ads, and emails
If anyone brings christmas into any conversation
Grunt audibly, then say "bah humbug!"
Then wander off, grumbling incoherently
Ironic that the first santa
Came to us from 11th century Turkey
Sounds like he was hatched!
Turkey, and santa, are you kidding me?
When santa lived in Turkey, he had no reindeer
And managed without for over 600 hundred years
Perhaps he used camels instead
Imagine six camels soaring into the night...
A time to remember
NOT to watch tv
Avoid christmas ads, and emails
If anyone brings christmas into any conversation
Grunt audibly, then say "bah humbug!"
Then wander off, grumbling incoherently
Ironic that the first santa
Came to us from 11th century Turkey
Sounds like he was hatched!
Turkey, and santa, are you kidding me?
When santa lived in Turkey, he had no reindeer
And managed without for over 600 hundred years
Perhaps he used camels instead
Imagine six camels soaring into the night...
#Christmas
#funny
#parody
#satirical
#surreal
41 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
A Bit Of A Tall Story
Whilst at the supermarket
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
38 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
Preferring The Horn
The pauper porpoise poet
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
#betrayal
#fish
#funny
#satirical
#surreal
42 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
Very Close Encounters!
I was once propositioned by an alien
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
#aliens
#funny
#sex #surreal
#sex #surreal
62 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
11th Nov 2024 10:53pm
11th Nov 2024 10:53pm
The Inbetween World
They weren't exactly Fairies
Nor were they precisely Butterflies
They existed in this Middle World
Where they were a bit of both
Not unlike the Pixie Dragonflies
Although, most flowers were the same in both worlds
Only their colours were different
Buttercups thus, were Yellow, and Red
And Evergreens' leaves were ever Green, and Blue
Although curiously,
Bluebells were Blue in our world, and human world
The Sun, was both Gold, and Turquoise
And the Moon Silver, and Verdigris
Undulating grassland of Green, and Orange
Swept...
Nor were they precisely Butterflies
They existed in this Middle World
Where they were a bit of both
Not unlike the Pixie Dragonflies
Although, most flowers were the same in both worlds
Only their colours were different
Buttercups thus, were Yellow, and Red
And Evergreens' leaves were ever Green, and Blue
Although curiously,
Bluebells were Blue in our world, and human world
The Sun, was both Gold, and Turquoise
And the Moon Silver, and Verdigris
Undulating grassland of Green, and Orange
Swept...
#fairies
#LifeAsAWriter
#LifeCycle
#SelfDiscovery
#surreal
54 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Surreal Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
