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Weird shit and nothing else

poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

MadameLavender said:

Hmm, I don't know... Mags may have kicked ass with her one story and the rest of us are scrambling to keep up & get ahead....I only had someone die during a blood draw , & she nearly banged a guy to death! 😁


Yeah, I’m in awe of her ability to kill with that thing.


The Golden Vag does deserve another look.

You are the ShitMaster though. Bar none.

(Also. Cheese. Why the fuck is that so funny to me?)

Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Yep! I absolutely did! Bring it! Let’s go! Hustle!

No shit! Them bitches be the baddest in the club.

I have to confess that I have never felt so normal in my life. Like…my weird shit isn’t.  I’m scared. I need a hug. Or vodka.

Yes, vodka.

Northern_Soul
-Missy-
Tyrant of Words
England 33awards
Joined 10th Jan 2021
Forum Posts: 5957

Betty said:

(Also. Cheese. Why the fuck is that so funny to me?)


It’s funny to me too. One sniff of that shit and my intestines blow up like a balloon poodle.

Give cheddar to the lactose intolerant bastards among us and we’ll float too.

😂

Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

So like three years ago I was doing a 100 mile trail hike, in Florida, backpacking, in the summer.

You exist in the woods for five solid days. You’re shitting in the woods, you’re pissing in the woods, instead of bathing you just soak your aching muscles in a spring every time you find one.

Stepped on a snake a few miles in. Scared the fuck out of me. So now… I see snakes everywhere. Every run. Every trail. Everything is a snake.

Had to shake a tree 30 miles in. Squatted down. Something slapped me in the ass, and I jumped up screaming SNAKE! OMG! NO! IT BIT ME.

And hauled ass with my pants around my knees, right past my hiking partners.

I did this while still pissing.

Running down the Florida Trail pissing down my own leg, screaming SNAKE.

Because I got poked in the no-no with a stick.

Also those were my only pants. So. Yeah.

Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

Northern_Soul said:

It’s funny to me too. One sniff of that shit and my intestines blow up like a balloon poodle.

Give cheddar to the lactose intolerant bastards among us and we’ll float too.

😂


OMG! 🤣

The… balloon poodle… I can’t Missy! 😂😂😂

poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

(And the crowd goes wild!)

OMG she got literally pissed!

That’s fucking amazing!

(Double points for leaving me a pun.)







poet Anonymous

My uncle was living in a bus out the back of our house when I was about 5-6.

He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,

they fought

dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop

My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..

Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….

bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…

(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)

Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

Nevermindthegaps said:My uncle was living in a bus out the back of our house when I was about 5-6.

He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,

they fought

dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop

My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..

Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….

bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…

(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)


This post left me in a strange place. While reasonably succinct… and absolutely weird…not sure if it’s cracking the funny doors.

I want to provide positive feedback for brevity and theme, but also be like Th’hell you bringing in a burned up bus to pus-diildo-piss-vag-shit-cheese fight?  There weren’t even any body fluids!



poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
Magdalena
Spartalena
Tyrant of Words
Wales 62awards
Joined 21st Apr 2012
Forum Posts: 2993

🤣🤣 You're all nutty 🤪 in a fun way. Nothing taboo here, which makes it funnier.
Believe it or not, I used to be extremely shy. That's weird 🤣

Northern_Soul
-Missy-
Tyrant of Words
England 33awards
Joined 10th Jan 2021
Forum Posts: 5957

Magdalena said:🤣🤣 You're all nutty 🤪 in a fun way. Nothing taboo here, which makes it funnier.
Believe it or not, I used to be extremely shy. That's weird 🤣


… I’ve never thought of you as shy. Like. Ever.

Northern_Soul
-Missy-
Tyrant of Words
England 33awards
Joined 10th Jan 2021
Forum Posts: 5957

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Reminds me of the time some little kid on the bus kept kicking my seat.

(I also have stretched ears… but I have 16mm babies compared to Ethan’s 40mm coke cans…🤫)

So the kid keeps kicking and kicking the chair and then he starts chatting shit about my ears. All I keep hearing is “Mum why does that woman have holes in her ears”

So I continue looking forward and just deadpan say out loud “they’re my third fkn eye, kid…and they’re watching you…”

He shit himself. Didn’t make a peep for the rest of the journey.

Betty
Dangerous Mind
United States 17awards
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 475

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

OMG dude, that totally made me cringe. Like … people saying weird shit is the worst.







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