me me me me me me me me me me † † † †Part †5,751
these tendencies towards "darkness" trouble me
my albums overflow with kodachrome of joyous expressions.
Is the purpose of these records to capture our carefree moments
so we can smile and reminisce about spirited times ?
Perhaps they serve as receipts, PROOF that happiness
WAS experienced, evidence that we indeed
have recieved our share of sunshine.
I dont quite grasp my position within Our continuum. Why
arent I distracted by "the grand parade of lifeless packaging"?*
I havent spent more than a half hour in a Shopping Maul
since I was a teen. And there have only been a handfull of
these uncomfortable mini-excursions over the past couple of
decades. Yet it seems the vast majority of people frolic
in these "monuments to commerce" like 3 year olds nakedly
dancing between water drops at a sprinkler park.
†Innately I know that whichever "Half Empty/Half Full" outlook
a person tends to lean toward will rule their perception of
the world, and how well-adjusted they are within it. So how
come I cant simply "WILL" the social discomfort away?
I'm pretty damn good at controling pain.
Ive "mental toughnessed" myself through more than a half-dozen
declined surguries -- all of which have healed correctly.
In fact, an orthopedist
once told me †"I see you've broken your ankle" .....
"Yes you did, see this mass of scar tissue? You had a bad break....
about six or seven years ago....."
Well shit, if I can bear something like that for months,
why the hell does my skin start to crawl as soon as I
step into a climate controlled department store?
*Peter Gabriel 1974