it matters

she found a deeper meaning
once - it was accidental
i saw it
and didn't understand
at first
what she meant
but she stopped
surprised at herself
turning back into her camouflage

in the days when
i smoked with strangers
on curbed circles
i asked
a tough guy
if he had ever been in love
or cried
past the age of ten
and he stared at me -
he kept looking so i
decided it would
be a good night to forget

when the sky is cloudy
my grandpa tells
me in
between drags
that he doesn't want to die
and i wonder
why irony
is so sad sometimes



[i]"Kameron, sooner or later you'll have to admit you have feelings. You're apart of this world whether you want to be or not."

"What world?"[i]