deepundergroundpoetry.com
Turning Night
Negligence, in the way
you wear that gown
As if heavy, you let it slide
cascading, like a pink-shadowed pool
gathering in ripples, at your feet
This beginning commotion
to our mighty evening
Sunlight holds, trying to mold
its embrace around your sides
But I step between
stealing its reflection
Causing it to leave with nothing
but it's own embarrassed blushing
You're mine
Day can never reach
the scattered evening like I
When I cause the stars to ignite
Imploding under the shattered force
of your wild eyes
Negligence, in the way
your hair vines, rivulets streaming
Like black water curling
around my finger-branches
I weave a passage, as
moonbeams bend through
our turning night
Hands holding wrists;
Knuckles drum-tapping
irregular, with our beating hearts
The walls absorb your flailing
Their hide conceals little valleys
Where you climbed, in peaks
higher into the night
Negligence, in the way
we unbraid our arms
Legs fail, into the shallow shadows
of the ebbing white-water linen
As if a current, fading from us
Softly falling aside
We lay, as if in the damp wrinkles
of a river-shore
that poured us back out
yet kept our sacrifices
The grinning moon, smiles
and wraps us in natural joy
We, now as two clouds
drifting into haziness
within an overturned night.
~~~
Published 29th Apr 2023
| Edited 25th Sep 2024
Author's Note
Negligence is used as a play on negligee, at the beginning anyway.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 17
reading list entries 9
comments 19
reads 705
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
4th May 2023 7:51am
From the start, beautiful. In fact, the first stanza stands as a poem by itself.
This negligence, this disheveling and wrinkling -- a great thread to the entire poem.
Kudos!
This negligence, this disheveling and wrinkling -- a great thread to the entire poem.
Kudos!
6th May 2023 2:56pm
Thank you, Alviola. I had the word "negligee" stuck in my head, and of course little visuals started popping up. This is the result.
I had this poem listed as "no comments" at first, just because. I do that sometimes. But someone asked me to allow them, so I did.
I appreciate your breaking the echoes of the hollow hall, so to speak . Lol.
I had this poem listed as "no comments" at first, just because. I do that sometimes. But someone asked me to allow them, so I did.
I appreciate your breaking the echoes of the hollow hall, so to speak . Lol.
6th May 2023 4:49pm
Yes, I wanted to comment first time I saw it. Sometimes a poem is sacrosanct because of the subject, so comments aren't welcome.
Great job, Styxian.
Great job, Styxian.
4th May 2023 9:08pm
The physical descriptions are like the tensile surface of water to me, with depths beneath roiling. The details are aching with intimacy, time and memory. It is haunted and beautiful.
6th May 2023 3:00pm
Good morning Daniel. It's good to see you popping in. This write was an idea rummaging through my head, so I had to write down what I had, at the time. I bet many writers have this dilemma, of being tangled by visions/words and they have to get it down in writing. So that they can clear some mental space.
Thanks for the boost on this!
Thanks for the boost on this!
Anonymous
- Edited 2nd Jul 2023 5:45pm
6th May 2023 3:40pm
<< post removed >>
6th May 2023 3:54pm
(I like your [controversial] avatar!)
My writing secret is simple; I have a huge balloon head, and a string for a body. So there's plenty of visuals and ideas bouncing around up in here. Lol. I am notorious (usually) for taking my time with intimacy, because I'm overly-processing stuff. Unfortunately. Lol.
I make up for the lag, best I can anyway!
Thank you Cathedral. I'm still trying to put worthy stuff in here.
My writing secret is simple; I have a huge balloon head, and a string for a body. So there's plenty of visuals and ideas bouncing around up in here. Lol. I am notorious (usually) for taking my time with intimacy, because I'm overly-processing stuff. Unfortunately. Lol.
I make up for the lag, best I can anyway!
Thank you Cathedral. I'm still trying to put worthy stuff in here.
8th May 2023 3:24am
9th May 2023 2:14am
Thank you, BK.
And hugs back at you!
(Negligee seems like an outdated word, but I still like it!)
And hugs back at you!
(Negligee seems like an outdated word, but I still like it!)
Anonymous
- Edited 4th Nov 2023 5:45am
8th May 2023 12:24pm
<< post removed >>
9th May 2023 2:15am
8th May 2023 12:26pm
I realized I gave a RL and not a comment.
I don't think I've ever done that before.
Don't ever leave DUP I must continue to study your writing and one day attempt writing that doesn't come off like a chain saw ....
BIG
I don't think I've ever done that before.
Don't ever leave DUP I must continue to study your writing and one day attempt writing that doesn't come off like a chain saw ....
BIG
9th May 2023 2:19am
How's you, Mr BIG?
You didn't mess up. I originally had this one set on no comments. But someone asked me to open it, so I did. Maybe they want to critique it super strict? Lol. I'm kidding.
And also, thank you for the nudge to keep going. I actually had two writes in drafts, but they weren't good enough and I got frustrated and deleted them. I will keep going, I just need to come up with something else unique. Hopefully!
You didn't mess up. I originally had this one set on no comments. But someone asked me to open it, so I did. Maybe they want to critique it super strict? Lol. I'm kidding.
And also, thank you for the nudge to keep going. I actually had two writes in drafts, but they weren't good enough and I got frustrated and deleted them. I will keep going, I just need to come up with something else unique. Hopefully!
19th Jan 2024 10:58pm
Oh, if words could only dance.
Wait! They already do.
Right here. Helluva write, my friend.
Wait! They already do.
Right here. Helluva write, my friend.
22nd Jan 2024 3:15am
Dang dude, you went back a bit for this one!
I've been rather stale as of late, so encouraging words help give me a boost to keep giving writing a go. So thank you! Really.
I've been rather stale as of late, so encouraging words help give me a boost to keep giving writing a go. So thank you! Really.
22nd Jan 2024 9:22am
Love, love the deep poetic romancism of this piece Styx.
"Sunlight holds, trying to mold
its embrace around your sides
But I step between
stealing it's reflection
Causing it to leave with nothing
but it's own embarrassed blushing"
Love the way you stole the sunlight from the day wedging yourself between it's reflection and your lover suggesting that the night can not get here soon enough.
Slow and sensual is the best way to go.
Thank you for the read. Lovely indeed.
"Sunlight holds, trying to mold
its embrace around your sides
But I step between
stealing it's reflection
Causing it to leave with nothing
but it's own embarrassed blushing"
Love the way you stole the sunlight from the day wedging yourself between it's reflection and your lover suggesting that the night can not get here soon enough.
Slow and sensual is the best way to go.
Thank you for the read. Lovely indeed.
25th Sep 2024 2:36am
Hey I'm sorry that I missed this comment back then. Sometimes I'm a dunce!
Thank you, belatedly. I do try to make my writes appealing, so I appreciate you letting me know that it was for you. Thank you!
Thank you, belatedly. I do try to make my writes appealing, so I appreciate you letting me know that it was for you. Thank you!
23rd Sep 2024 5:07am
With all sincerity I say this...I have to clear my thoughts when reading you.
This how much I respect and admire your artistry.
This is next level...
This how much I respect and admire your artistry.
This is next level...
25th Sep 2024 2:41am
How's you Naajir?
Sometimes when I go back and read my older stuff, I see where it doesn't read quite like I meant it to. Little burps perhaps. This one isn't too bad, besides the grammar mistakes... lol.
So thank you for taking me back, too, with your comment.
I was planning on weeding out some of writes, I do that sometimes, periodically. But this one will stick around thanks to you my friend. I truly appreciate your diligence in going back for this one.
Sometimes when I go back and read my older stuff, I see where it doesn't read quite like I meant it to. Little burps perhaps. This one isn't too bad, besides the grammar mistakes... lol.
So thank you for taking me back, too, with your comment.
I was planning on weeding out some of writes, I do that sometimes, periodically. But this one will stick around thanks to you my friend. I truly appreciate your diligence in going back for this one.
