deepundergroundpoetry.com
Emotional Integrity
She approached me
as a brat
to try
to force me
to dominate her,
and I simply
explained
that I don't punish,
I only reward.
That made
no sense
to her
because
her domming
from the bottom
was how
she had always
gotten others
to lock her down
and play her game
of not really having
to do her part
to be responsible
in any relationship.
She simply
road them
down the road
until the wheels fell off,
extracted
her victim card,
and then went on
to her next target.
I could see
her entire game plan
laid out
in a single smile
of pseudo innocence,
and so
I simply said,
"Read this,
and tell me
what you think."
Emtional Integrity
Let's think for a moment about reaction and response as separate expressions. Reactions we can define as outward, and responses as inward.
When we react, we are working with things that happen to us. When we respond, we are working with those things around us.
When we react, something outside of us is attempting to consciously or unconsciously disrupt our peace of mind. When we respond, our peace of mind is not disrupted, and we operate from our core principles.
When we react, we are defensive. When we respond, we are operating from detached awareness.
Let's likewise define feelings as separate from emotions so that feelings are reactive, and emotions are responsive.
When I react, my boundaries are not held or are non-existent. When I respond, I do so with assertive boundaries.
When I react, my peace is disrupted. When I respond, my peace of mind expresses through the integral force of my compassionate center, my heart.
How does this occur? Understanding. And what occurs when I understand is that I abide in the truth of my heart, and I fully engage with the truth of the moment. In less esoteric terms, when my heart and mind agree, then I am at peace.
When I allow my mind to operate from dogmatic or doctrinal sources that disagree with my heart, my peace is disrupted.
My mind has the power to rationalize a reality that leaves the mind in control. My heart is my emotional center, the source of my boundaries.
When my intellectualization disagrees with my emotional source and I break my own internal boundaries, my mind fakes an alliance with the heart and creates feelings, reactions built on rationalizations.
In this way, I can abandon myself inwardly, react on these rationalized feelings, and act out against my own heart, breaking my own boundaries, and deluding myself that I am in control. "I am right," I rationalize.
12 step programs begin here. Buddhism starts here. Christianity starts here. Islam starts here. The source of my spiritual troubles is my willfulness to give myself over to something more powerful than my mind's ability to listen to my heart, the delusion of desire to be other than myself.
If I am to recover, I must then submit to my heart, to my own boundaries in order to allow real self-discipline to reign over my life. My higher power is beyond the reach of my addiction to rationalization or to feelings that are governed by ego mind.
That process begins by learning gratefulness for what it is that has brought my reactiveness to my attention. Beyond religion or dogma or rationalization, peace of mind is allowing to heart to have its say in the practice of mindfulness where unconditional love awaits inside, away from reactions of ego, pretension, misapprehension, victimhood, self-righteousness, condescension, and all the trappings of denial, anxiousness, avoidance, and affectations, which are the creation of false emotions.
These reactive feelings are the rationalizations of a defensive mind, a mind at war with its own heart. When the heart speaks and the mind responsively listens, then the mind can be at peace, and the heart holds the boundaries responsively, without the mind's egotistic reactions.
"Is that a 'No,' on the spankings then?" she asked.
"That would be a 'No,' " I whispered.
as a brat
to try
to force me
to dominate her,
and I simply
explained
that I don't punish,
I only reward.
That made
no sense
to her
because
her domming
from the bottom
was how
she had always
gotten others
to lock her down
and play her game
of not really having
to do her part
to be responsible
in any relationship.
She simply
road them
down the road
until the wheels fell off,
extracted
her victim card,
and then went on
to her next target.
I could see
her entire game plan
laid out
in a single smile
of pseudo innocence,
and so
I simply said,
"Read this,
and tell me
what you think."
Emtional Integrity
Let's think for a moment about reaction and response as separate expressions. Reactions we can define as outward, and responses as inward.
When we react, we are working with things that happen to us. When we respond, we are working with those things around us.
When we react, something outside of us is attempting to consciously or unconsciously disrupt our peace of mind. When we respond, our peace of mind is not disrupted, and we operate from our core principles.
When we react, we are defensive. When we respond, we are operating from detached awareness.
Let's likewise define feelings as separate from emotions so that feelings are reactive, and emotions are responsive.
When I react, my boundaries are not held or are non-existent. When I respond, I do so with assertive boundaries.
When I react, my peace is disrupted. When I respond, my peace of mind expresses through the integral force of my compassionate center, my heart.
How does this occur? Understanding. And what occurs when I understand is that I abide in the truth of my heart, and I fully engage with the truth of the moment. In less esoteric terms, when my heart and mind agree, then I am at peace.
When I allow my mind to operate from dogmatic or doctrinal sources that disagree with my heart, my peace is disrupted.
My mind has the power to rationalize a reality that leaves the mind in control. My heart is my emotional center, the source of my boundaries.
When my intellectualization disagrees with my emotional source and I break my own internal boundaries, my mind fakes an alliance with the heart and creates feelings, reactions built on rationalizations.
In this way, I can abandon myself inwardly, react on these rationalized feelings, and act out against my own heart, breaking my own boundaries, and deluding myself that I am in control. "I am right," I rationalize.
12 step programs begin here. Buddhism starts here. Christianity starts here. Islam starts here. The source of my spiritual troubles is my willfulness to give myself over to something more powerful than my mind's ability to listen to my heart, the delusion of desire to be other than myself.
If I am to recover, I must then submit to my heart, to my own boundaries in order to allow real self-discipline to reign over my life. My higher power is beyond the reach of my addiction to rationalization or to feelings that are governed by ego mind.
That process begins by learning gratefulness for what it is that has brought my reactiveness to my attention. Beyond religion or dogma or rationalization, peace of mind is allowing to heart to have its say in the practice of mindfulness where unconditional love awaits inside, away from reactions of ego, pretension, misapprehension, victimhood, self-righteousness, condescension, and all the trappings of denial, anxiousness, avoidance, and affectations, which are the creation of false emotions.
These reactive feelings are the rationalizations of a defensive mind, a mind at war with its own heart. When the heart speaks and the mind responsively listens, then the mind can be at peace, and the heart holds the boundaries responsively, without the mind's egotistic reactions.
"Is that a 'No,' on the spankings then?" she asked.
"That would be a 'No,' " I whispered.
Published 23rd Nov 2021
Author's Note
Mutual consent, negotiations, and power exchange are basic, necessary, and transformative. Don't leave home without them.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
- Edited 23rd Nov 2021 2:08pm
23rd Nov 2021 12:31pm
Hey there, RT :)
What I have slowly learned (and I fully admit that I'm a work in progress) is that for a willingness to get to his point of understanding/recognition, sometimes (most likely) it requires an enormous amount of work on one's self. (even when there's an intense and ardent desire to submit) Its almost a mindset rewiring amidst research and the learning of self discovery via discipline by choice.... It's never easy to obtain and results aren't immediate.... However, most wonderful, lifelong desires are usually hard fought for. Making that enlightened accomplishment of 'lessons learned', feel that much sweeter, when obtained. There's absolutely NOTHING like a very long "particular praise received" when it comes from the one you desire it (and need it) most... NOTHING.
This was a truly phenomenal experience to read. Much more than a standard poem, in so many integral ways. A sort of blueprint to insightful enlightenment, allowing a heart and mind to travel a journey of self awareness and transformative understanding.... Step by step.
Plus, this ending! .... I was smiling, in a bit of amusement as well as a bit mortified, knowing that she was never getting her heart's desire in that specific moment , given the mindset.... I feel that pain of missing out, yet another lesson or at the very least, a contemplation....
I was truly transfixed and I thank you for sharing...
I hope you are doing well - ✨
🌹 - 💙
B
What I have slowly learned (and I fully admit that I'm a work in progress) is that for a willingness to get to his point of understanding/recognition, sometimes (most likely) it requires an enormous amount of work on one's self. (even when there's an intense and ardent desire to submit) Its almost a mindset rewiring amidst research and the learning of self discovery via discipline by choice.... It's never easy to obtain and results aren't immediate.... However, most wonderful, lifelong desires are usually hard fought for. Making that enlightened accomplishment of 'lessons learned', feel that much sweeter, when obtained. There's absolutely NOTHING like a very long "particular praise received" when it comes from the one you desire it (and need it) most... NOTHING.
This was a truly phenomenal experience to read. Much more than a standard poem, in so many integral ways. A sort of blueprint to insightful enlightenment, allowing a heart and mind to travel a journey of self awareness and transformative understanding.... Step by step.
Plus, this ending! .... I was smiling, in a bit of amusement as well as a bit mortified, knowing that she was never getting her heart's desire in that specific moment , given the mindset.... I feel that pain of missing out, yet another lesson or at the very least, a contemplation....
I was truly transfixed and I thank you for sharing...
I hope you are doing well - ✨
🌹 - 💙
B
23rd Nov 2021 2:03pm
Thank you....your comment was very giving.
As I have spent time at conferences for various erotic experiences and information over the last decade, this subject has evolved in my mind.
Some people want a temporary high of sorts. Others want a deeply cathartic adventure that transforms them. Others really are there for the aftercare. Everyone has an agenda of sorts.
What I was most drawn to were D/s relationships that evolved a power exchange of building respect, trust, intimacy, and a sense of mutual growth.
I've tried writing and other forms of power exchange with others, and to tell you the truth, most people don't want to put in the work they required from others.
They want a quick fix. The ones I admired and respected all understood that submitting or dominating begins with dominating yourself. If you can't tell yourself what to do, you are not capable of submitting to anyone else. If you can't submit to your own need for self-discipline and assertiveness, you surely can't dominate anyone else.
No one will actually submit to someone they don't respect. And no one can dominate what has not been submitted.
A lot of times, the activity centers around service topping or service bottoming, and no actual catharsis is reached. A few bruises, a hug, a drink of water, and it's off to the next bandaid.
Really negotiating takes commitment to the ritual of the moment. Mutual consent includes a negotiated contract for each event. If you want what you want, don't be half hearted about it. You can't put lumber on a truck, blow it up, and expect it to land in the shape of your dream home. That takes blue prints. And blue balls or topping from the bottom in a hurry to get there has nothing to do with it.
Like you, I'm a work in progress. Working out the details is work.
Thanks again for your comment.
As I have spent time at conferences for various erotic experiences and information over the last decade, this subject has evolved in my mind.
Some people want a temporary high of sorts. Others want a deeply cathartic adventure that transforms them. Others really are there for the aftercare. Everyone has an agenda of sorts.
What I was most drawn to were D/s relationships that evolved a power exchange of building respect, trust, intimacy, and a sense of mutual growth.
I've tried writing and other forms of power exchange with others, and to tell you the truth, most people don't want to put in the work they required from others.
They want a quick fix. The ones I admired and respected all understood that submitting or dominating begins with dominating yourself. If you can't tell yourself what to do, you are not capable of submitting to anyone else. If you can't submit to your own need for self-discipline and assertiveness, you surely can't dominate anyone else.
No one will actually submit to someone they don't respect. And no one can dominate what has not been submitted.
A lot of times, the activity centers around service topping or service bottoming, and no actual catharsis is reached. A few bruises, a hug, a drink of water, and it's off to the next bandaid.
Really negotiating takes commitment to the ritual of the moment. Mutual consent includes a negotiated contract for each event. If you want what you want, don't be half hearted about it. You can't put lumber on a truck, blow it up, and expect it to land in the shape of your dream home. That takes blue prints. And blue balls or topping from the bottom in a hurry to get there has nothing to do with it.
Like you, I'm a work in progress. Working out the details is work.
Thanks again for your comment.
