deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Mother's Love
They say a little white lie could never hurt a fly,
But I dare to disagree, and I’m here to tell you why.
See, I struggle to decipher, deception from the truth,
And it’s largely because I was lied to so early in my youth.
When your biggest role model is a strip pole model,
Slipping sleeping pills into baby bottles—
Slipping out of the house and back to the club
To chase another hit of crack, or track another dub.
…but what I needed was a mother’s love.
See, those little white lies became great big secrets:
A Titanic falsehood where loose lips could sink ships,
Until I was drowning in a sea of her lies...
No longer able to distinguish truth from disguise
Mother... MOTHER! Couldn't you hear my cries?
All I needed was someone to throw me a raft, to show me the path;
Instead, I suffered repercussions of a selfish mother's wrath.
And, though I've learned much about love and forgiveness,
She's relapsed again, so I've had to relive this.
How could you do this again?
My trust was crushed at such an impressionable age,
Like a domestic duck, I'm stuck, in this inequitable cage;
Fuck, just learning to manage my inevitable rage
Is an ongoing battle that I must steadily wage.
Never having a good role model for trust and affection
Has permanently altered my perception, faulted by deception,
Now, I struggle with human connection, my dejection...
When she was supposed to be the one to ensure my protection.
I live with this affliction as product of her addiction
But I dare to disagree, and I’m here to tell you why.
See, I struggle to decipher, deception from the truth,
And it’s largely because I was lied to so early in my youth.
When your biggest role model is a strip pole model,
Slipping sleeping pills into baby bottles—
Slipping out of the house and back to the club
To chase another hit of crack, or track another dub.
…but what I needed was a mother’s love.
See, those little white lies became great big secrets:
A Titanic falsehood where loose lips could sink ships,
Until I was drowning in a sea of her lies...
No longer able to distinguish truth from disguise
Mother... MOTHER! Couldn't you hear my cries?
All I needed was someone to throw me a raft, to show me the path;
Instead, I suffered repercussions of a selfish mother's wrath.
And, though I've learned much about love and forgiveness,
She's relapsed again, so I've had to relive this.
How could you do this again?
My trust was crushed at such an impressionable age,
Like a domestic duck, I'm stuck, in this inequitable cage;
Fuck, just learning to manage my inevitable rage
Is an ongoing battle that I must steadily wage.
Never having a good role model for trust and affection
Has permanently altered my perception, faulted by deception,
Now, I struggle with human connection, my dejection...
When she was supposed to be the one to ensure my protection.
I live with this affliction as product of her addiction
Published 11th Apr 2020
Author's Note
This one is really personal to me... Speaking on my trust issues and their roots; but, I'm learning and growing into a better person every day.
EDIT: Best viewed on a computer screen.
EDIT: Best viewed on a computer screen.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 44
reading list entries 29
comments 53
reads 1258
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Apr 2020 5:45pm
11th Apr 2020 9:31am
<< post removed >>
I'm at a loss for words at the amount of support you guys have shown me... what a community of truly empathetic individuals. You are a beautiful soul, Didi3d, truly... thank you for your kind words and your understanding. It means a lot to me.
I am okay, and for the most part, I deal with the emotions in a healthy way. In some ways, it has made me a better person: being more self aware, empathetic, and might I say... wise. I learned a lot by watching others mess up, and spared myself a lot of agony.
I deal with depression and anxiety, which has led me to a largely solitary lifestyle, which works well for me; though, it is a lonely one. The worst part is that it has severely damaged my capacity to trust in relationships, which makes it hard to build close human relationships. This is something I have to work on every day.
My mother was not bad all of the time. She had years of sobriety, where she did better, and she was a very good mother to me. I love my mom. I've forgiven her largely, and I don't often dwell on these type of thoughts, but she has relapsed this past year after 10 years clean. Truly, I cry for her more than I feel pity. I want to help her. I try to help, but sometimes it feels hopeless. That is what I was feeling when I wrote the poem "Gone". Like I can't get through anymore...
Last, I will say, I have never been to a therapist, but I feel that I understand my mental illness, and I know what to do to get better... It's just a grueling process. I guess you can say I've always been my own therapist, heh. I do my best, and have excelled in life in many areas despite the adversity of my upbringing. I do, however, have low spells... and this past week has, perhaps year has been one of them.
Thanks again for your time and empathy... I appreciate you.
I am okay, and for the most part, I deal with the emotions in a healthy way. In some ways, it has made me a better person: being more self aware, empathetic, and might I say... wise. I learned a lot by watching others mess up, and spared myself a lot of agony.
I deal with depression and anxiety, which has led me to a largely solitary lifestyle, which works well for me; though, it is a lonely one. The worst part is that it has severely damaged my capacity to trust in relationships, which makes it hard to build close human relationships. This is something I have to work on every day.
My mother was not bad all of the time. She had years of sobriety, where she did better, and she was a very good mother to me. I love my mom. I've forgiven her largely, and I don't often dwell on these type of thoughts, but she has relapsed this past year after 10 years clean. Truly, I cry for her more than I feel pity. I want to help her. I try to help, but sometimes it feels hopeless. That is what I was feeling when I wrote the poem "Gone". Like I can't get through anymore...
Last, I will say, I have never been to a therapist, but I feel that I understand my mental illness, and I know what to do to get better... It's just a grueling process. I guess you can say I've always been my own therapist, heh. I do my best, and have excelled in life in many areas despite the adversity of my upbringing. I do, however, have low spells... and this past week has, perhaps year has been one of them.
Thanks again for your time and empathy... I appreciate you.
11th Apr 2020 9:49am
First, thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us. While writing is an amazing form of expression, there are times where it can be very difficult to share certain experiences.
Second, reading this hurt my heart.
"A Titanic falsehood where loose lips could sink ships,
Until I was drowning in a sea of her lies...
No longer able to distinguish truth from disguise "
That hits really hard. I hope that writing this brought you a little bit of healing. Thank you so much for sharing.
Second, reading this hurt my heart.
"A Titanic falsehood where loose lips could sink ships,
Until I was drowning in a sea of her lies...
No longer able to distinguish truth from disguise "
That hits really hard. I hope that writing this brought you a little bit of healing. Thank you so much for sharing.
12th Apr 2020 6:50pm
I appreciate you taking the time to read and add your heartfelt reply, Dreamy!
Really, I should be thanking you, and everyone else for helping me to feel comfortable enough to share poetry like this. I definitely can't share these type of poems on my social media account... I wouldn't want my mom, and some of my other family members to see it. I guess you can say in some ways, you guys know a more intimate side of me than many of my peers in my physical life.
This one was VERY personal to me, so your kind words mean a lot. Not only did I spend more time on this than I do most of my poems, I really opened up about personal issues and experiences of mine, which I don't share with many. Sometimes I'm like an emotional potato, and my poetry feels so...dead. And other times I'm feeling everything, and I can't be objective enough to write anything worthwhile. This was a good mixture of technical ability and emotion... something which I can't often pull off simultaneously.
I do actually feel much better now. Thank you :)
Really, I should be thanking you, and everyone else for helping me to feel comfortable enough to share poetry like this. I definitely can't share these type of poems on my social media account... I wouldn't want my mom, and some of my other family members to see it. I guess you can say in some ways, you guys know a more intimate side of me than many of my peers in my physical life.
This one was VERY personal to me, so your kind words mean a lot. Not only did I spend more time on this than I do most of my poems, I really opened up about personal issues and experiences of mine, which I don't share with many. Sometimes I'm like an emotional potato, and my poetry feels so...dead. And other times I'm feeling everything, and I can't be objective enough to write anything worthwhile. This was a good mixture of technical ability and emotion... something which I can't often pull off simultaneously.
I do actually feel much better now. Thank you :)
11th Apr 2020 10:40am
12th Apr 2020 6:54pm
Thank you, cold_fusion, for that kind comment. I poured my heart out here, so I'm glad you felt something! Thank you for taking the time to comment and express that to me. It means a lot that you stopped by to read, comment, and RL my poetry. I appreciate you.
11th Apr 2020 11:18am
Damn... can’t even begin to claim I know how
this feels... my mom would tell my sisters n brothers all the time how much she loved us n did all she was able to do given her circumstances... hats off to you for spilling such deep pain. ✌🏾
this feels... my mom would tell my sisters n brothers all the time how much she loved us n did all she was able to do given her circumstances... hats off to you for spilling such deep pain. ✌🏾
12th Apr 2020 7:42pm
Well, honestly, I'm happy that you can't directly relate, but I am grateful for your ability to sympathize with me. There is more to the story, which I will share with you, I suppose. In my mom's defense. My grandfather was physically and psychologically abusive. All 6 of their kids (my mom 1), ended up on drugs with serious mental issues. I'm fortunate, in my opinion; because, though she was mentally ill, I know my mom would never hurt me like that, and I never had to live with that fear.
My mom isn't a psychopath, and I do believe she loved me when she was capable. She has emotions, but she is mentally ill, and has never been able to express them well, or prioritize others needs over her own. Makes sense when you grow up in an abusive household... it's hard to worry about others when you stay anxious and worried about being hurt all the time. Hell, her role models were worse than mine, I can't imagine the internal struggle she lives with... either way, I understand her better now that I am older.
She's told me some of the abuse that happened was so bad that she doesn't know if it was a dream or reality anymore. Her parents would tell her a lot of it never happened when she confronted them later in life. It was only when the siblings had similar stories to corroborate those memories, that they realized that many of the things they remembered must have actually happened. It really makes me sad to think about what she went through... I could almost cry thinking about it.
By the way, I guess I should probably mention, that she never LITERALLY put sleeping pills in my baby bottle, that was a poetic analogy for what she did. She would give me and my sister high doses of Benedryl to make us sleep really hard so she could leave the house and "run the roads" at night. I was a toddler when her addiction really began, so we were actually a bit past the bottle stage. This was not meant to be disingenuous; but rather, it was easier to put it that way, and it sounded smoother, than trying to come up with a way to explain what I just explained to you.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by to read and comment. It means a lot. I appreciate your support, and your kind words.
- NewB
My mom isn't a psychopath, and I do believe she loved me when she was capable. She has emotions, but she is mentally ill, and has never been able to express them well, or prioritize others needs over her own. Makes sense when you grow up in an abusive household... it's hard to worry about others when you stay anxious and worried about being hurt all the time. Hell, her role models were worse than mine, I can't imagine the internal struggle she lives with... either way, I understand her better now that I am older.
She's told me some of the abuse that happened was so bad that she doesn't know if it was a dream or reality anymore. Her parents would tell her a lot of it never happened when she confronted them later in life. It was only when the siblings had similar stories to corroborate those memories, that they realized that many of the things they remembered must have actually happened. It really makes me sad to think about what she went through... I could almost cry thinking about it.
By the way, I guess I should probably mention, that she never LITERALLY put sleeping pills in my baby bottle, that was a poetic analogy for what she did. She would give me and my sister high doses of Benedryl to make us sleep really hard so she could leave the house and "run the roads" at night. I was a toddler when her addiction really began, so we were actually a bit past the bottle stage. This was not meant to be disingenuous; but rather, it was easier to put it that way, and it sounded smoother, than trying to come up with a way to explain what I just explained to you.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by to read and comment. It means a lot. I appreciate your support, and your kind words.
- NewB
14th Apr 2020 9:59pm
Benadryl is the equivalent of a sleeping pill and extremely dangerous for small children.
I've commented below.
I've commented below.
11th Apr 2020 11:19am
12th Apr 2020 8:01pm
Thank you for stopping by to read and comment, LilDragonFly. I appreciate your empathy and your support! Flattered by the RLs!
11th Apr 2020 11:31am
This makes my soul ache. So raw, so heartbreaking. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You show strength and bravery by sharing this
12th Apr 2020 9:19pm
Disa,
You are a sweet person. I appreciate your uplifting words, and am grateful for the empathy and light you have shone on me. You're very kind. Thank you!
You are a sweet person. I appreciate your uplifting words, and am grateful for the empathy and light you have shone on me. You're very kind. Thank you!
11th Apr 2020 11:42am
It becomes a trickle down effect and leads to never feeling truly loved...I feel you
12th Apr 2020 9:21pm
Yes, Tim. These are feelings I have struggled with for a long time. Thank you for your understanding. I am grateful, yet sorry that you can relate. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and leave a comment.
11th Apr 2020 12:32pm
"A Titanic falsehood where loose lips could sink ships"
First, I am so sorry that this is something you had to go through. But this poem is honestly incredible-it's so genuine, raw and very skillfully written. It's a difficult and yet rewarding thing to do what you're doing: making your pain into art. Keep it up x
First, I am so sorry that this is something you had to go through. But this poem is honestly incredible-it's so genuine, raw and very skillfully written. It's a difficult and yet rewarding thing to do what you're doing: making your pain into art. Keep it up x
14th Apr 2020 2:30am
That was actually the line I was most proud of in this piece, so thanks. I put in a lot of time, and was really emotionally invested when I wrote this; it really just made me feel good to be able to sit down and get this out of me.
I love what you said, too! "Making your pain into art", that is a perfect way to put it. Thank you for all of your kind encouragement, emily. It means a lot.
I love what you said, too! "Making your pain into art", that is a perfect way to put it. Thank you for all of your kind encouragement, emily. It means a lot.
11th Apr 2020 1:44pm
Dear NB,
Courageous is the first word that comes to mind by your write. It’s staggering when the very people we’re genetically wired to love and trust are not available to nurture those innate needs and emotions. That you were able to give this voice and share it is monumental. You are truly amazing and while you’ve experienced this your ability to love and foster stability and encouragement has been overwhelmingly evident in your poems and loving comments to all of us here at DU. You are wonderful. This is an excellent write for what I know had to be a very difficult write to pen. H🌷
Courageous is the first word that comes to mind by your write. It’s staggering when the very people we’re genetically wired to love and trust are not available to nurture those innate needs and emotions. That you were able to give this voice and share it is monumental. You are truly amazing and while you’ve experienced this your ability to love and foster stability and encouragement has been overwhelmingly evident in your poems and loving comments to all of us here at DU. You are wonderful. This is an excellent write for what I know had to be a very difficult write to pen. H🌷
16th Apr 2020 5:15am
I can't thank you enough for taking the time to sit here and type out such a heartfelt reply to me. Your empathy and kindness nearly brought me to tears. I'm blown away at how incredibly kind and supportive everyone... it means so much to me :)
You have been very special to me, H. I so much appreciate you being here!
You have been very special to me, H. I so much appreciate you being here!
16th Apr 2020 6:23pm
11th Apr 2020 4:42pm
My mother wasn't a drug addict but my father was an alcoholic. My mother has fibromyalgia. She works way too much and it was always tough for us. I can relate not in the exact same way but I understand how cruel life can be. My dad wasn't a drug addict but he was not a good father. Sometimes you have only yourself to rely on. In my opinion, that makes us stronger. We went through pain and survived. We are stronger than we think. I don't know who I am but I know im not giving up. No one should. We all can make a difference.
16th Apr 2020 5:24am
Jordan, thank you for sharing your personal struggle with me. You have been very open about your past in your poems, and I respect that. I have indeed learned to rely on myself a lot because of things that have happened. I truly appreciate your kind encouragement... it means a lot, friend. Your words are words of strength :)
11th Apr 2020 5:30pm
Super spill from beginning to end!!
& relatable (my father was an alcoholic and abuser)
i pray spilling helps You process Your emotional attachments to Your past
& relatable (my father was an alcoholic and abuser)
i pray spilling helps You process Your emotional attachments to Your past
Tallen, you are a very kind soul! Thank you for giving me insight into your own life as well. Judging by some of your comments in the past (on my old profile), I can tell you've been through some pretty brutal stuff.
My father was an alcoholic as well, actually, but was not physically abusive. He is schizoid, though, and occasionally had psychotic breaks. I can't blame him. His mother and his sister were both put into permanent psychiatric hospitals... both devastatingly ill - schizophrenia. He was practically raised by his grandmother, as his mother was steadily declining... he told me of occasions he would find her hiding in a closet, crying her eyes out, terrified that something was in the house trying to hurt her. He actually got the long end of the stick...and functions well considering. Held down a job for 15 years before this last psychotic break. He is living the life now, and doing well for the most part - "retired", VA housing and benefits, with a relatively low stress life. I am happy for him :)
Anyway, I appreciate your empathy, and I am doing much better now, thank you :)
My father was an alcoholic as well, actually, but was not physically abusive. He is schizoid, though, and occasionally had psychotic breaks. I can't blame him. His mother and his sister were both put into permanent psychiatric hospitals... both devastatingly ill - schizophrenia. He was practically raised by his grandmother, as his mother was steadily declining... he told me of occasions he would find her hiding in a closet, crying her eyes out, terrified that something was in the house trying to hurt her. He actually got the long end of the stick...and functions well considering. Held down a job for 15 years before this last psychotic break. He is living the life now, and doing well for the most part - "retired", VA housing and benefits, with a relatively low stress life. I am happy for him :)
Anyway, I appreciate your empathy, and I am doing much better now, thank you :)
11th Apr 2020 5:36pm
16th Apr 2020 4:24pm
Thank you, cheesa! I really appreciate you stopping by to read and support. I poured my heart into it, so I'm glad that you liked it. I am flattered by the RL entry as well!
NB, oh to my tummy and no wind.
I'm setting here on pause, because I have kept this mostly to myself. ..
I was a terrible alchoholic, and worked in the sex industry. Pimped, produced porn, head hunted for companies.
Women like your mother were my bread and butter. Because I hid it from my son, I believed it to be outside of him. But it kept me spiritually bankrupt, and kept me fully in self. Effecting him thoroughly.
I just spent quite a while in jail.
But that was mercy....
He is 22 now. And I am making a living amends, our relationship growing every day.
NB, I am so grateful to you for this poem. I pray for your healing....and hers.
I worked alanon in jail...my father's an alcoholic cocaine addict, pathological liar and narcicist. We did not understand the latter until he was indicted on federal charges and beat the polygraph.
Through the program I am beginning a new relationship with him.
We were both spiritually ill. Forgiveness is so kind to the soul.
But it is a tender path.
I'm setting here on pause, because I have kept this mostly to myself. ..
I was a terrible alchoholic, and worked in the sex industry. Pimped, produced porn, head hunted for companies.
Women like your mother were my bread and butter. Because I hid it from my son, I believed it to be outside of him. But it kept me spiritually bankrupt, and kept me fully in self. Effecting him thoroughly.
I just spent quite a while in jail.
But that was mercy....
He is 22 now. And I am making a living amends, our relationship growing every day.
NB, I am so grateful to you for this poem. I pray for your healing....and hers.
I worked alanon in jail...my father's an alcoholic cocaine addict, pathological liar and narcicist. We did not understand the latter until he was indicted on federal charges and beat the polygraph.
Through the program I am beginning a new relationship with him.
We were both spiritually ill. Forgiveness is so kind to the soul.
But it is a tender path.
16th Apr 2020 4:40pm
WOW, Jen! I was touched by your story. How brave of you to share that with us here… you have been through more than most… I can’t imagine the amount of cognitive dissonance that situation with your son was causing you. It brings me more insight into what my mother might have been feeling during those times. Perhaps I did the same for you, but visa versa.
My mom later told me many of the things she did in true remorse. She cried her heart out to me, and I know she is truly changed, but old wounds still ache sometimes. This time, although she has relapsed, she isn’t “running the roads” anymore, as she used to call it. She’s not spiritually and morally bankrupt anymore, she’s just sick, and that’s what I have to continue to remind myself. That is what drives me to want to continue to help her do better.
I can’t stress enough how happy I am that you found a better life. I hope your relationship with your son continues to bloom and grow into something more beautiful every day. We have to let these old wounds heal… but first, I have to help my mom get better! Spiritually ill… I like that. That’s a good term for it.
*hugs* thank you, Jen
My mom later told me many of the things she did in true remorse. She cried her heart out to me, and I know she is truly changed, but old wounds still ache sometimes. This time, although she has relapsed, she isn’t “running the roads” anymore, as she used to call it. She’s not spiritually and morally bankrupt anymore, she’s just sick, and that’s what I have to continue to remind myself. That is what drives me to want to continue to help her do better.
I can’t stress enough how happy I am that you found a better life. I hope your relationship with your son continues to bloom and grow into something more beautiful every day. We have to let these old wounds heal… but first, I have to help my mom get better! Spiritually ill… I like that. That’s a good term for it.
*hugs* thank you, Jen
11th Apr 2020 8:04pm
our greatest achievements in life comes from the things that we had to endure in life which makes us stronger to understand what doesnt kill you only makes you even that much stronger to know thyself value and thyself worth for your past shouldnt be an prison sentence it should be seen as your growth into become who and what you are through your own eyes heart and spiritual soul..respect poet
16th Apr 2020 5:15pm
That is so true, Stoney. I have come a long way, and am growing and learning every day, but having a rough past gave me lots of wisdom to date. I am blessed that things are better now... thank you for kind words. They mean a lot. You're always very supportive! :)
17th Apr 2020 9:38am
Respect brother poet keep writing there is a voice inside of you that needs to be heard
11th Apr 2020 10:43pm
Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts, it will help many of us who are going through similar struggles! <3 <3
16th Apr 2020 5:18pm
...And thank you for reading my personal thoughts. Your readership and support means a lot. I hope to see more of your thoughts as well. I noticed you only have one poem :o
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jun 2021 12:45pm
11th Apr 2020 11:30pm
<< post removed >>
11th Apr 2020 11:55pm
My heart goes out to you NB. The very issues you speak of lead to my addiction, however, it is from out of that addiction arose recovery, and in recovery I found serenity. I wish you peace.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
12th Apr 2020 6:34am
12th Apr 2020 6:44am
Very sad to read about this. Could your father have shouldered some of the responsibility for your welfare?
13th Apr 2020 00:05am
What an amazing poem.
Bold and honest.
Powerful.
Wrenching. Courageous.
I made a conscious decision as a young man not to have children. I was afraid I couldn't be everything they needed. I know my parents were good people but not great parents. Some people are not cut out for parenthood.
Bold and honest.
Powerful.
Wrenching. Courageous.
I made a conscious decision as a young man not to have children. I was afraid I couldn't be everything they needed. I know my parents were good people but not great parents. Some people are not cut out for parenthood.
13th Apr 2020 4:48am
Wow .. you are getting lots of support. It’s a moving piece and I can feel the r.age! Rearing pain with the age. I hope that you can find peace and love unconditionally.
13th Apr 2020 5:23am
Everything I read hear was deep yet saddening, everything i saw here was brave and very well written
Never easy putting reality out there for the world to see
Beautiful Write NB
Thank you for sharing
Never easy putting reality out there for the world to see
Beautiful Write NB
Thank you for sharing
13th Apr 2020 6:32am
This is a brilliantly and boldly expressed piece of art. Just completely blown away on several levels.
13th Apr 2020 9:02am
I am a true believer in finding maternal guidance in those who show protection in their affection we so damn well deserved NB. I hear you, I understand, I have been where you are and to this day I often wonder what I would be like today had she shown nurture instead if feeding off of my nature.
Mother's like ours are only mother's by their mistakes. My mother bought me. And, people like you and I show unconditional love to all. They taught us what not to do. You teach us with your kindness and gentle nature within your words. Like I have told you before, your pen name is exactly how we heal, NewBeggings. We will always have tomorrow to start our "Beginnings New"
With respect,
L.🌞🌻🙌
Mother's like ours are only mother's by their mistakes. My mother bought me. And, people like you and I show unconditional love to all. They taught us what not to do. You teach us with your kindness and gentle nature within your words. Like I have told you before, your pen name is exactly how we heal, NewBeggings. We will always have tomorrow to start our "Beginnings New"
With respect,
L.🌞🌻🙌
13th Apr 2020 7:21pm
Very similar to my growing up. Nice flow. Check out my other poems when you get a chance. I will add a small bit into my bio if you care to understand where part of my struggle comes from.
14th Apr 2020 1:53am
My Friend....
Such a poignant piece....it left me with more than a few heart-cracks! I c a n n o t imagine the depth of emotional pain and frustration, that you had to deal with, and the struggles that you had to face! I sooo admire your inner-strength! it must have taken an incredible amount of courage, to not only be able to move forward with your Life, but to share this portion of your soul with us!
May each Day continue to provide You more, and more opportunities to move forward in Your healing process!
Much Caring...Respect....and Bright Blessings to You!
Sioch`ain leat---ALWAYS!
Such a poignant piece....it left me with more than a few heart-cracks! I c a n n o t imagine the depth of emotional pain and frustration, that you had to deal with, and the struggles that you had to face! I sooo admire your inner-strength! it must have taken an incredible amount of courage, to not only be able to move forward with your Life, but to share this portion of your soul with us!
May each Day continue to provide You more, and more opportunities to move forward in Your healing process!
Much Caring...Respect....and Bright Blessings to You!
Sioch`ain leat---ALWAYS!
Anonymous
14th Apr 2020 4:26pm
When trust is so brutally broken at such an early age by one we are supposed to rely upon for our very well-being, it takes a terrible toll. That's the first thought that sprang to mind reading this...beyond that...speechless
~Willow
~Willow
14th Apr 2020 10:02pm
Very powerful poem, and I'm sorry you had to go through these experiences.
I have no contact with mine, unfortunately. It's difficult and I often feel guilty for my decision, but ultimately I had to protect myself. The level of psychological abuse was so intense, it left me self-harming and at breaking point.
I have no contact with mine, unfortunately. It's difficult and I often feel guilty for my decision, but ultimately I had to protect myself. The level of psychological abuse was so intense, it left me self-harming and at breaking point.
17th Apr 2020 11:32pm
Killer piece that flows eloquently. This is a heart wrenching topic that i am also a product of. Luckily these days my mother is clean and we have a great relationship. Hope all is well brother.
22nd Apr 2020 9:57am
I love this poem, Emotion filled and heartfelt! a betrayal of the biggest trust a child needs, which is that of a mother...
Great piecce! :-0
Great piecce! :-0
27th Apr 2020 2:02am
I clicked your link and read this, and damn I’m glad I did...
As a young person who has also struggled with tension between me and my mom (who is a recovered alcoholic) I have to commend you for tying in so much emotion and punch, while maintaining a sense of yearning and a childlike / innocent voice (which is what my ears heard). One of my favorite poems ever read on deep underground, dare I even say, favorite ever read so far :) astounding write, my friend.
- fairy
As a young person who has also struggled with tension between me and my mom (who is a recovered alcoholic) I have to commend you for tying in so much emotion and punch, while maintaining a sense of yearning and a childlike / innocent voice (which is what my ears heard). One of my favorite poems ever read on deep underground, dare I even say, favorite ever read so far :) astounding write, my friend.
- fairy
2nd May 2020 7:07pm
This stirred deep emotions and feelings that I have inside. I relate and understand where you are come from.
3rd May 2020 8:56pm
NewB, this is the most authentic and genuine poem I've ever read. Raw, honest and emotional spill. You are brave and strong tempered by circumstances in your life. Being able to share an intimate and personal history takes courage and you have that. You are very genuine and it is reflected in all your poems that authenticity is uniquely yours. May you have a beautiful and happy life ahead.🌹🙏❤
3rd May 2020 8:58pm
NewB, this is the most authentic and genuine poem I've ever read. Raw, honest and emotional spill. You are brave and strong tempered by circumstances in your life. Being able to share an intimate and personal history takes courage and you have that. You are very genuine and it is reflected in all your poems that authenticity is uniquely yours. May you have a beautiful and happy life ahead.🌹🙏❤
