deepundergroundpoetry.com
If you let me
I can talk myself in it not out, she won't allow it,
Can I fix it I doubt it, does it mean more when you shout it,
She wanted more emotion from me, so I gave her some pain,
I didn't say that in vain, that was profane fuck am I saying,
Watch her lips tremble, tears from her heart and her mental,
I let my shoulder devil take my vessel, angel screaming I'm dreadful,
I detest this giving her leverage, I'm drowning in the water under the bridge,
Can't leave this relationship, though I don't see us getting old and rich,
We don't owe shit to each other, why keep it silent and suffer,
Feel like a vulture when I fuck her, no love when I kiss and hug her,
These are utters from my underbelly, my skeleton heavy,
I know you feel the same but you wont tell me, just tell me,
Mute the sound of silence, the tension is driving me wild,
We only humans, and were only one fuck away from making a child,
I taste the pride on my lips, she puts her hand on my hips,
Selfishness behind my zip, deserve everything I get,
Can I fix it I doubt it, does it mean more when you shout it,
She wanted more emotion from me, so I gave her some pain,
I didn't say that in vain, that was profane fuck am I saying,
Watch her lips tremble, tears from her heart and her mental,
I let my shoulder devil take my vessel, angel screaming I'm dreadful,
I detest this giving her leverage, I'm drowning in the water under the bridge,
Can't leave this relationship, though I don't see us getting old and rich,
We don't owe shit to each other, why keep it silent and suffer,
Feel like a vulture when I fuck her, no love when I kiss and hug her,
These are utters from my underbelly, my skeleton heavy,
I know you feel the same but you wont tell me, just tell me,
Mute the sound of silence, the tension is driving me wild,
We only humans, and were only one fuck away from making a child,
I taste the pride on my lips, she puts her hand on my hips,
Selfishness behind my zip, deserve everything I get,
Published 24th Jan 2019
| Edited 7th Feb 2019
Author's Note
I found a beat on YouTube and decided to write to it. I thought of a scenario where a couple argue and they use sex to make up for it. Honest criticism please, my aim is to improve.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Jan 2019 9:50pm
After reading a few of your poems, I've noticed certain stronger characteristics:
1. You write very lyrically and are really great are creating a melody and rhythm. Your poetry really shows the expression possible by just the form of free verse.
2. You write with a stream of consciousness narrative. The words you write are loosely flow like the mind, giving the poem an authenticity.
3. Using common language as well allows you to connect with readers.
My criticism would be trying a little more metaphors and symbols so the reader imagine more.
Though, that would be my next step because I think you're good with your current style. So you might be finding how to keep your style growing
1. You write very lyrically and are really great are creating a melody and rhythm. Your poetry really shows the expression possible by just the form of free verse.
2. You write with a stream of consciousness narrative. The words you write are loosely flow like the mind, giving the poem an authenticity.
3. Using common language as well allows you to connect with readers.
My criticism would be trying a little more metaphors and symbols so the reader imagine more.
Though, that would be my next step because I think you're good with your current style. So you might be finding how to keep your style growing
7th Feb 2019 10:53pm
7th Feb 2019 11:55pm
