deepundergroundpoetry.com
Yasmine
in her mind she
dances through
stories pages
unwritten
words
unspoken
amber autums
whispering trees
mystic ley lines
maple leaves
tangerine
sunrises
silver linings
tiding the ebbs
& flows of life
she’s prose
unread a tale
untold one day
she’ll find her home
dances through
stories pages
unwritten
words
unspoken
amber autums
whispering trees
mystic ley lines
maple leaves
tangerine
sunrises
silver linings
tiding the ebbs
& flows of life
she’s prose
unread a tale
untold one day
she’ll find her home
Written by
Duende
Published 1st Oct 2018
| Edited 18th Oct 2024
Author's Note
Ben Howard - Promise.
https://youtu.be/4kbs9RHIb7s
https://youtu.be/4kbs9RHIb7s
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 15
reading list entries 1
comments 30
reads 1268
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 5:01pm
Sounds like some fantastic aspect of your soul that beckons from behind the veil of reality, just beyond nature and the roads you walk. Such simple visuals and vibrant lines, I especially live the “mystic ley lines”, felt like just the right touch
0
Re: Re. Yasmine
Great to hear you like that line, I really struggled with the words in the middle part, but thought it suited the poem well :-) It's so much fun to write for a competition though I think I lost track a little bit, lol
Thank you so much for another amazing comment, Taurus!
Thank you so much for another amazing comment, Taurus!
Re. Yasmine
Anonymous
1st Oct 2018 5:02pm
That image is just so enticing. It's always fascinating to see how different people interpret the same image. And the way you gave her life...I love that message. :-)
...ever your Willow
...ever your Willow
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Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 5:21pm
Thank you so much for your comment, love!
She was a pain in the ass in all honesty, went through so much edits that once finished I wondered if it makes any sense. Great to hear it does :-)
With love, Duende
She was a pain in the ass in all honesty, went through so much edits that once finished I wondered if it makes any sense. Great to hear it does :-)
With love, Duende
Re: Re. Yasmine
Anonymous
1st Oct 2018 5:22pm
Oh, she makes perfect sense! You penned her into being beautifully. Never doubt your quill, beautiful
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Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 6:33pm
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
1st Oct 2018 5:26pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 6:39pm
Thank you so much, dearest Melia!
The working title was the title of the song (Promise) and while writing I realized she needed a name, I think Yasmine suits her perfectly, I'm glad you agree :-)
Love and Light, Duende
The working title was the title of the song (Promise) and while writing I realized she needed a name, I think Yasmine suits her perfectly, I'm glad you agree :-)
Love and Light, Duende
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 6:00pm
"amber autums
whispering trees
mystic ley lines
maple leaves
tangerine
sunrises
silver linings"
This middle section in particular runs so beautifully with the 's' and 'n' sounds
and
the link from the first stanza (in her mind she / dances through / stories pages) to the promise at the end (she’ll write her own) is a great essence of the poem.
whispering trees
mystic ley lines
maple leaves
tangerine
sunrises
silver linings"
This middle section in particular runs so beautifully with the 's' and 'n' sounds
and
the link from the first stanza (in her mind she / dances through / stories pages) to the promise at the end (she’ll write her own) is a great essence of the poem.
0
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 6:51pm
Thank you for your smile inducing words, Josh
I went to that competition many times and thought "impossible" till the words suddenly came. The middle section was the most difficult part, also because the formatting is important to me. That you highlighted that part means a lot!
Honored that this poem made it into your reading list!
I went to that competition many times and thought "impossible" till the words suddenly came. The middle section was the most difficult part, also because the formatting is important to me. That you highlighted that part means a lot!
Honored that this poem made it into your reading list!
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 7:22pm
Beautiful poem, Duende! The words flow effortlessly and paint a beautiful image of hope and aspiration. I especially like the idea of the woman wanting to take control of her life to "write" her own tale.
Thanks for participating in my competition!
Thanks for participating in my competition!
0
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 7:40pm
You're most welcome, LunasChild, I really like your idea and hope you will make it a monthly edition... I find competitons like yours to be very inspiring!
Great to hear you liked the image I painted... means a lot!
Thank you so much for leaving a comment!
Great to hear you liked the image I painted... means a lot!
Thank you so much for leaving a comment!
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 7:58pm
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 8:08pm
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 7:29pm
Wonderful job, Duende. You say so much with an economy of words. this is a triumph!
0
Re: Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 7:55pm
Wow... a triumph? Honored :-)
Thank you so much for your comment and for taking her home with you, crowfly!
Thank you so much for your comment and for taking her home with you, crowfly!
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 10:19pm
Re: Re. Yasmine
2nd Oct 2018 6:38am
Re. Yasmine
1st Oct 2018 11:16pm
Re: Re. Yasmine
2nd Oct 2018 6:40am
Thank you so much, Ahavati, great to hear you think it's a lovely perspective :-)
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Nov 2018 00:49am
2nd Oct 2018 4:42am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Yasmine
2nd Oct 2018 6:54am
Lol, it was completely blank here as well till a song came to mind... music always helps a great deal with writing. It will be a monthly edition, so maybe next month, but hey... you won The Joy of Giving, congrats!
Glad to hear you enjoyed the read... thank you for commenting :-)
Glad to hear you enjoyed the read... thank you for commenting :-)
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
2nd Oct 2018 5:20am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Yasmine
2nd Oct 2018 7:08am
Thank you so much, Tim, great to see you returned :-)
I know... that last stanza would ask for a reread, something about enjambment ;-)
That you mentioned her name made me smile!
I know... that last stanza would ask for a reread, something about enjambment ;-)
That you mentioned her name made me smile!
Re. Yasmine
3rd Oct 2018 11:47am
Good Luck for the comp Friend.
well... i have no critique at this moment
so will only speak what i feel, view
beautiful the delivery of images
for me better than the pic.
well... i have no critique at this moment
so will only speak what i feel, view
beautiful the delivery of images
for me better than the pic.
0
Re: Re. Yasmine
3rd Oct 2018 2:47pm
In all honesty... I'm not that fond of the picture, but it was a competition...
Thank you so much for the visit, my dear friend!
Thank you so much for the visit, my dear friend!
Re. Yasmine
3rd Oct 2018 2:49pm
Re: Re. Yasmine
3rd Oct 2018 2:56pm
Was pretty happy with that line :-)
Thank you so much, dearest Brenda
Love, Duende
Thank you so much, dearest Brenda
Love, Duende
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
21st Apr 2019 1:29am
<< post removed >>