Inside My Head is a Trip 5.0

 
 
(i) Jazz not Jizz  
 
Inside my head  
There are noises  
It’s like a drunken  
Jazz band playing  
Punk and hip-hop  
And the band leader  
Writing messages  
In Egyptian hieroglyphics  
Telling me that I am  
Worthless and weak  
And no fucker cares  
I tell him he’s wrong  
I tell him that he is  
Remembering his own  
Circumstances and his  
Mind set as he reflects  
On his own existence  
Then he says I am you!  
But he’s not because I can’t  
Read or write in Egyptian  
Hieroglyphics and I couldn’t  
Lead a drunken jazz band  
I told him that the only  
Band I can control is this  
Here thick elastic band  
I twanged him in both eyes  
And he disappeared in a  
Puff of green fart gas  
But the band played on  
Oh How I danced  
 
(ii) Raging Hugs  
 
Inside my head there are  
Eight lost children crying  
Out for help and rescue  
They are between the ages  
Of six and thirteen; too young  
To feel the way that they do  
Too young to endure their ugly  
Torture, abuse and torment  
In my PTSD they come to me  
Pleading for this all to stop  
I reach out the hand of rescue  
And as I do the six year old has  
Cigarettes put out on his back  
Made to suck dick, is beaten  
And locked in a dark coal cellar  
The seven year old suffers the  
Same fates; no hint of rescue  
Then it all changes father has a  
Twinge of guilt about his abuse  
And he frog marches the eight  
Year old to the Baptist Church  
He sees his abusive dad crying  
And then leaving him to stay  
He thought he had been rescued  
Until he entered the vestry seeing  
Five naked men hard cocks in hand  
He had been trafficked for sex  
The Pastor and elders rape the  
Remaining boy’s childhoods from  
Them:  
 
Five years of sucking and fucking  
And pastoral submission to the whip  
Kinky games of enforced semen swallowing  
To spit is a sin; but apparently it is not  
Sinful for a man of god to ram his cock  
Down a nine year olds throat to swallow  
Holy man milk and to enjoy it too – It is a  
Sin not to pretend your enjoying it all  
But not a sin for a church elder to piss  
Into the opened mouth of a ten year old  
Boy; drinking another mans piss is allegedly  
Virtuous – it’s a sin not to drink it with thanks  
But it’s not a sin to finger bruise the shoulders  
By pinning him down hard to sodomise this  
Eleven years old; apparently it’s also a sin to  
Scream when being raped by four Deacons  
Four holy men are raping to save this twelve  
Year old boy from his sinful ways this twelve  
Year old can’t remember reading about Jesus  
Being a rapist of young children, surely he  
Died on the cross to protect children and  
Help to heal them and punish the wicked  
Apparently not, you’re on your fuckin own  
These the thoughts of a thirteen your old  
Boy with a knife in his pocket with threats  
To expose them and threats to stab and cut  
Of their balls; suddenly it all stops he is let  
Go – he feels real shame and guilt because  
Not to feel that way would surely be a sin  
Then the thirteen year old has a moment of  
Clarity “fuck em, fuck their church, fuck their  
God fuck salvation, fuck the heavenly host  
Fuck them all!”  
 
All the children stand in a line in front of me  
In the woods where we used to play soldiers  
They are standing in order of age the oldest  
At the front and the youngest at the back the  
In unison they lift their hands and arms to hug  
They meld into this hug turning into the thirteen  
Year old; with the bad attitude and the knife in his  
Pocket: He hugs me ant transfers his rage against  
God and man he disappears into me they all  
Live in my head as do their secrets and pain  
Erratically they all come to visit me regularly  
I love all these children because they are me  
Having said that I am glad that their visits are short  
 
(iii) Masked Reality  
 
In side my head is a mask that I manufactured  
To pander to the cunts of this world I wear it  
Outside my head it has a smiley face and a  
Cheery disposition with a yes sir, no sir three  
Bags full sir; while all the time you want to kerb  
Stomp them or slit their throats  
So I wear the mask to keep them safe
from what's in my mind underneath  
 
(iv) When the Drugs Do work  
 
Inside my head is a purple giraffe with a short neck  
Worry not; he can still reach the tree tops by flapping  
His read and yellow striped wings he travels upwards  
To pick the most succulent fried chicken berries: He has  
Competition; the pink and green rabid marmoset, is not  
Known for being peaceable – The pirates of the tree tops  
Sporting black parrots on their shoulders and one wooden  
Leg; but they are no match for the zombie vampire flying pigs  
Who would happily eat the berries, short necked giraffes, and
The pink marmosets: They have even been known to take  
A man down – to his underpants and beyond – damn those  
Sexy pigs but the animal that takes the cake here in the  
Plastersine and silly putty forest is the baker bird frog  
Who hops, flies, croaks around giving out cake recipies  
Whilst wearing a pink to-to and white stiletto ballet pumps  
While singing the song “I’ve got a brand new AK47 for  
Shooting any and all animals in the forest”  
Inside my mind there is too much morphine  
 
(v) My One and Only  
 
Inside my head is a photograph that became  
Photographs of the most beautiful woman I  
Have ever seen, a women so much wiser than  
Her years with a lovely soul and a delicate touch  
She’s the soul mate I never had; a real true love  
Not the bullshit of the many. She infects me with  
Her love virus and now she fills me with love and  
Light enough to break the chains of my dark side  
My sad side. She encourages the child in me who  
Never got to play, she is my hero, my support, my  
Inspiration, my muse, my love, my lover, my soul  
And its salvation, I worship and adore her and will  
Stand shoulder to shoulder through good and bad  
She is not only in my mind; she is firmly in my heart  
And soul and I feel supremely blessed. A new broom  
Sweeps clean, she is my new broom and the bad stuff
inside my head is getting cleaned out through her light
I need a clear mind to return her love with mine <3