Memories

 
They were just friends
And friends they stayed
Though the attraction was palpable
There was a role to be played

It was in their smiles
Stolen glances from time to time
The heart does really skip a beat
When reading hidden signs

But friends they remained
As imaginations ran a little wild
Wanting and needing and yearning
Staying civil all the while

Then on that fateful day
A formal group picture was taken
Unknowingly they held hands
And the longing re-awakened

But they stayed friends
And went their separate ways
Now that photo is a sweet reminder
Of beautiful youthful days

And their secret of holding hands

entering an amusement park,
we both chose the middle aisle
i stopped and said  “ladies go first”
it was a single file,
 
then.. there was a spark
in the form of a smile,
a pilot was lit..
that had been out for a while,
 
pink stick and lite shadow  
i like a subtle style,
a 9 out of a 10
on my eye appeal dial..
 
i knew she couldn’t be single,  
there’s no way that I could win,
I ask “you with someone..  
aren’t you with a friend”
 
“Yes” she said “i’m with someone”..  
i thought that was the end,
“i’m with my cousin” she said
“she is like my best friend”,
 
she asked “who are you with..
you with someone too”,
i replied “i was alone”..  
“maybe an early trip home  
but now I’m with both of you”,  
 
she turned her head and tilted it up..  
to get a better view..
 
she smiled.. again..  
which turned into a grin,
 
that’s when I positively knew

rollin to the park    
Washington it’s called,                
shotgun J-Rod Romy  
..my lifelong homey

.. a west side rude dawg,

it’s always a beef from the west to the east,
the north side of Indy that it’s called,

time for celebration,        
fourth weekend throughout the nation,
“Irish Rose” the libation,          
and, the herbals are almost gone,                

a three day vacation,        
to the park we go racing,          
gangstas in their glides        
with their handsome's on,          
       
my chariot      
is bright white,        
in the sunset dusk light,          
     
Lac is its make,      
the necks all break,          
Deville is the mod, 78 is the date,          
         
wheels and tires are sheening,          
every ivory tooth is gleaming,          
we gangsters pride our rides      
like rutting beast,          
         
it’s always a beef from the west to the east,        
the north side of Indy that it’s called,          
         
the Lac on display      
all eyes pop in flight,          
fat firestone front rubber      
profiled to the right,          
     
J-Rod Romy on top of his rap,          
three yummy fine honeys      
just short of a pac,          
       
when..      
“what the fuck is this program”                  
"what the fuck is the deal”                  
a east side homie begins to reel..          
         
about the honeys      
he begins to flex,        
J-Rod Romy      
barks a death threat,        
     
gangstas break camp        
to their chariots,        
grim reaper appears,      
he’s now on the set,       
         
bangs goes off,      
like when a bomb is dropped,                  
people hit the deck,      
the honeys screaming “stop!!”,                  
     
chaos erupts      
like in a war zone,                  
we break out wheels spinning      
like in a cartoon,                  
     
death darts near striking,      
can’t flee fast enough,                  
dodging in and out of traffic      
like a stunt man on dust,                  
                 
If J-Rod Romy      
was here he’d say,        
“hey man remember..      
remember that day..”        
     
"you dodged that drama",      
"hell we got away",        
  "you save my life brother",      
“right on!” he’d say,        
     
yes!…      
J-Rod my homie,      
what a hell of a day,        
       
rolling in the park,      
Washington it’s called,        
with J-Rod Romy my west side,      
ride and die road dawg,          
         
forever a beef from the west to the east..

I realize, I was harboring a guilty little secret, which I've never spoken to anyone about. Not to my lover, not to my best friends, not to anyone. It's one of those secrets that's too embarrassing to tell, but too erotic to keep bottled up inside. It's something I've played over and over in my mind at least a hundred times since it happened, each time bringing back at least a little bit of the feeling I experienced that night.

Recently, I've begun to discover the enjoyment of writing erotic stories, and after a quick random question from my interest " Watching a comedy, question who was the first girl u had sex with? Wat was it like? How old were you?" Have me thinking about this, I've decided that the only way to get this secret off my chest is to share it with someone... anyone... by writing down what happened that night.

Unlike most of the stories I have written what I'm about to describe is not a fantasy. This is what really happened. As I mentioned, this is something I have thought about a couple hours ago so, although some of the details may escape me, I remember this night more vividly than any other night of my entire life.

This story involves my friend Asani (not her real name) and I. Best friend, to be more specific. We met at the beginning of our first year in High School, and we soon became inseparable. Asani and I did practically everything together. We were both smart kids, in all of the accelerated & honors classes, and each year, we would plan our schedules together so that we could take the same classes. Even got in trouble together. We had the occasional fight, but it never usually lasted more than a day or two.

I guess the best way to describe Asani is that she was a bit of a Tomboy. Thinking back, It's not that she wasn't attractive; she just never dressed the part.

She was about 5'3", with brown eyes and shoulder length hair. She had a high forehead, so that it, I always thought she had nicer hair than mine, but she never really did anything with it. To describe her figure, I would use the word 'voluptuous'. She certainly wasn't fat, but she had a few extra pounds where it is needed. She hated sports, but her legs and arms always seemed to be well toned. Asani had amazing skin, or at least by my standards, her complexion was fair. What I remember the most about her skin was that it was soft and smooth.

I was slim in my teens (and even now, for that matter *bbm roll eyes*). My breasts were always a bit larger than hers, she had more padding of the rear end, not to the point of "bubble butt", but definitely a voluptuous derriere. In contrast to Asani, though, I was definitely more of a girly-girl. I liked having my hair done and painting my nails, and my clothes were trendier and sexier. Not that I dressed trampy or anything.

Both of us were not much into dating at all. Throughout our 5 years, there was only one guy she dated on and off for a few months. It wasn't that she didn't have the opportunity. As I said, despite the fact that she never dressed up, she was cute and had a great personality, so there were certainly a few guys that tried to go out with her. She just wasn't interested. And it wasn't that they were unattractive or nerdy, she never seemed interested in them. At this point, you're probably thinking that she's a lesbian, but that's not the case either. I know for a fact that she wasn't interested in girls. After a while, I just began to think of her as asexual in a way. She just didn't seem interested in dating or boys or sex or any of that.

We'd usually hang out at my house.

At some point during my senior year, I began to feel some sort of attraction to Asani. I couldn't even tell you what triggered it, but over the span of a month or two, it definitely got stronger. I think it may have just started out as some sort of crush, and just developed from there. Asani was october month & I am May, I am older than her thou. From what I can recall, it was shortly after we both turned 13 that I began to have these feelings.

As you may have gathered from my description of her, Asani was quite modest with her body. Of course I had seen her in her swimsuit, and even her underwear...we used to change for P.E class together, but I had never seen her in anything less than a bra and panties. It's something I had never given much thought to, but at some point, I began to wonder what she looked like underneath... without a bra, without her panties, without a swimsuit... naked. I think it began more out of curiosity than anything, but then I began to wonder more and more, and it eventually developed into something sexual. I began to enjoy looking at her when she changed, always trying to get a peek at her rear end as she bent over to pick her shorts off the floor. I was very discreet about it. After all, I know that Asani wasn't interested in girls, and I certainly didn't want to ruin our friendship over something this frivolous. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what her breasts really looked like, were the areolas big? Were they light brown, as I suspected? Was she trimmed down there? Was it thick? As the weeks went on, I began to ponder more about it, and even fantasize about her.

It was in early or middle March, a saturday, I called my mom at school and ask if Asani could stay the night and of course my mom said yes, just as she did dozens of times , I think we had rented a movie and were watching it.

We decided to go to sleep. Asani borrow a pair of my pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I went to the bathroom and got changed into a pair of my own pajamas. I will never forget that they were blue and pink PJs. It's just one of those things that I think of every time I re-play that night in my mind. Not sure exactly what I changed into... just that it was pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

Asani and I had been having sleepovers for years now, and I always slept in the bed with her. It was a Queen size, so there was room for both of us. As I lay under the covers, I realized that this was the first sleepover we were having since I had become "attracted" to her. Although all kinds of fantasies about her began to run through my mind, I'm a very realistic and rational thinking person, and I knew that it would never be anything more than that.

After a minute or 2, Asani came out the bathroom She turned off the light and got into bed right next to me. For the first time in my life, I was practically overcome by the fantastic feminine scent of her.

We talked for a few minutes about something, I think. Then we turned away from each other and went to sleep. Well, she did anyway. I laid there with my eyes closed for probably a good half an hour or so. I just couldn't keep my mind off of her. And lying there right next to her, it was practically torture not being able to touch her. I tried to think about other things... school, the movie we just watched, anything to take my mind off the subject. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep.

And I stayed asleep, for maybe 2 or 3 hours. I think I woke up at about 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and when I came back to bed, I laid there for another 15 or 20 minutes, imagining what it would be like to touch her... to feel her breasts, to kiss her, to see her naked. I tried to fall asleep, I really tried. At this point, I began to seriously consider a plan. I knew Asani was a heavy sleeper. Heavy isn't even the word. She slept like the dead. It's almost impossible to wake her up in the morning. I figured it wouldn't hurt if I just put my arm over her. I could hear her snoring a little, and I figured if she woke up, I could just pretend I was sleeping, and she wouldn't think anything of it, other than that I had rolled over during the night.

After a few more minutes of lying there stiff as a board, I decided to go for it. I rolled over gently, so that I was facing her back. Both of my arms were under the covers. She was still snoring, so I went ahead and put an arm around her, still under the covers. I was pressed against her back, with my arm over her, my hand resting lightly against her stomach. I froze in this position for several minutes. I was almost too afraid to move a muscle, but I began to tell myself "Whatever happens, just pretend you're asleep and everything will be fine." I managed to nudge my hand up an inch, and then a few more, till the side of my finger was touching the bottom of her breast.

It was like a spark of electricity at that moment, I could barely contain my excitement. Everything was going fine so far, so I continued to move my arm up a bit more until I was cupping her breast in my hand. I think I held this position as still as a statue for a minute or two before I began to massage it. It was truly a wonderful and erotic experience. Although my breasts were even bigger than Asani's, and I had felt them hundreds of times, feeling her chest for the first time was indescribable. As the minutes went by and she continued to snore, I got bolder and started to brush her nipple through the pajama top with my thumb, pinching it lightly, and then a bit more.

It was at about this moment that I got the scare of my life! She made some kind of loud snore/clearing her throat sound, and then rolled towards me a little so that she was on her back. I thought she had woken up, and I froze in my position, pretending to be sound asleep. It turned out to be nothing, so after catching my breath for a moment, I continued to massage her breast before moving to the other one.

I gave it the same treatment: the massaging, the rubbing, pinching her nipple lightly, squeezing it gently in my hand. I began to feel more confident that she was sound asleep and would never suspect anything. As I felt her nipples hardening through the pajama top, I knew that at least on some subconscious level, she was enjoying this. I suppose it had been about 20 minutes since I first began to touch her, and I decided to go a step further.

I slid my hand down her torso, inch by inch... slowly. I reached her tummy, paused, and then continued down. I remember reaching her waistband and thinking that this was some kind of "border" that I shouldn't cross, but my emotions got the better of me and I continued down over the front of her pajama bottoms.

Finally, my fingers had reached their destination! Words cannot even begin to describe the way I felt at that moment! My heart was pounding in my chest, I was breathing heavy, and my mouth was dry. I think it was the most aroused and excited and naughty I've ever felt in my entire life. My best friend Asani was sleeping next to me, and I had my hand practically right on her pussy.

To be honest with you, I don't know what I was doing with myself at this point. I know I was wet and completely aroused. I think I may have been touching myself a little, but I didn't want to cause any more motion than I had to. After all, I could touch my pussy any night I wanted to, but tonight, I was only interested in hers.

Her legs were together, I remember that. I was only able to get one finger between them to rub her there. I slid it back and forth for at least a minute or two before I noticed that her breathing began to change. Instead of the light snoring sounds she had been making, she started to breath heavier... the kind of breathing you do when you're aroused. Her head moved from side to side a little, and I knew that she must have been enjoying this. Maybe she was dreaming that I was feeling her lol... I don't know. But whatever it was, she was becoming visibly aroused by it.

To my surprise, her legs spread apart just a little more. I couldn't believe it! I took the opportunity to slide the rest of my fingers between her legs and rub against her pajama-covered clit. It was at this point that I realized that the crotch of her pajamas was warm and wet with her juices. This got me even more aroused! I couldn't help but press harder and rub more firmly against her, trying to focus on where I thought her clit was. As I did this, her breathing got even heavier, and her body moved even more, rocking, bucking against my hand. Even though I got more and more aroused, I also got more and more scared that she would wake up. I decided to quit while I was ahead, and pulled my hand back away from her. I laid there for a few minutes, almost in disbelief at what had just happened. And not a moment too soon.

Within about 5 minutes, my room door slowly opened, I quickly closed my eyes shut then peeked through the darkness, it was my mom borrowing my lotion whew! it woke her up thou. I was SOOOOO glad I stopped when I did. I would have been mortified if mom or Asani caught me with my hand down there. Even if I was pretending to be asleep, it's still an embarrassing situation. I felt her get up and go through the door then went to the bathroom, because I heard the toilet flush. I was so nervous!

When she came back, I had my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. She lay down next to me, and I was making my own little "snoring" sounds, so that she'd think I was sleeping the whole time and wouldn't get suspicious.

After a few minutes, I could feel her sort of ruffling her back against me. She must have thought I was asleep, because she took my arm and placed it over her. Once again, my hand was on her tummy, but as she did this, my finger had brushed against the side of her leg, and it was then that I knew she had taken her pajama bottoms off in the bathroom. I couldn't believe it! She must have been just as aroused as I was!

With my arm over her, she backed herself up against me, woi! snuggling up. I didn't know what to do. I just kept pretending I was asleep. I kept up my snoring act, but I think she was still awake. With my hand on her stomach, I could feel her moving under the sheets. I realized that she was secretly unbuttoning her pajama top. I knew for sure when I felt the fabric get gently tugged from under my hand, and my fingers found themselves touching the bare skin on her stomach.

Over the course of the next few minutes, I kept my hand limp, and she squirmed her body around, gradually nudging my hand up over her breast. There were probably a billion thoughts running through my head at that very moment, but I stuck to my act and pretended to sleep. Before I knew it, her hand was on top of mine, and she began to lightly squeeze it, so that my hand would squeeze her breast. She did this a few times, and then eventually eased up. Following her lead, I continued to squeeze it, all the while making my snoring sounds. She never suspected I was awake.

As my hands blindly groped her chest, my fingers fumbled around her nipples. I didn't want her to think I was too aware of what was going on. I could hear light sighs coming from her lips, and it sent shivers through my entire body like nothing else ever has.

With my eyes closed, and the covers over both of us, it was hard to tell exactly what was going on, but when I heard the sound of fabric being rubbed, I immediately knew what she was doing. She had worked her hand down between her legs as was masturbating through her panties. This went on for several minutes, and I almost came from the thought of it!

Just like before, she began to nudge my hand, but this time, downwards. She subtly guided it down her body, so as not to "wake me up". I knew exactly what she was doing, so I played along. With my limp hand on the front of her panties, she guided my fingers down between her legs. When I felt how completely SOAKED her panties had gotten, I almost gasped out loud! They were just... soooooo wet soaked as a matter a fact.... All girls are different... some girls get very wet, some don't. There have been occasions where I've gotten very wet myself, but believe me when I tell you, Asani was in an ENTIRELY different league of wetness. Her panties where just so slippery, and absolutely drenched... from the crotch halfway up the front!

Just like with her breast, she pressed my fingers against her panties a few times, until I began to do it on my own. When she moved her hand away, I pretended to fumble around down there. I wanted to appear as "asleep" as I could. My fingers glided across the surface of the panties as I pressed firmly against her clit. I could actually feel it through the fabric now, and as I massaged it, Asani bucked her hips to put more pressure on the area. As much as I wanted to slide my fingers in her panties, I didn't want to be too obvious.

My patience paid off. She nudged my hand up to her stomach, and I thought that was the end of it, but I felt her lift her body up and slide her panties down. I think she only slid them a few inches down her thighs, but that was enough. Asani nudged my hand back down, and my fingers worked their way through the soaked bush between her legs. It was then that I realized she didn't trim herself, but I didn't care. Bitches I was young what do I know?? It felt wonderful! I rubbed her bare clit like the world was about to end. As she bucked her hips, I moved my hand down deeper between her legs.

Before I could stop myself, I plunged a finger inside of her. Within about 2 seconds, I could sense her body tense up. I think this was the moment she had her orgasm. She held her breath for about 15 seconds, while my finger went in and out of her. As her muscles relaxed, she immediately moved my hand away from her. I guess she was too sensitive.

As I lay there, still pretending to sleep, I could tell she was pulling her panties back up and buttoning her pajama top. After a few more minutes, she got up and went to the bathroom again. By the time she came back, her pajama bottoms where on, and I was rolled over, "asleep".

When we woke up the next morning, neither of us said a word about it. And that was it. It never happened again. To this day, I'm convinced that she thought I was sleeping the whole time.

After we graduated, we went our different paths We saw each other now and then if we crosses paths until we kind of lost touch.

Regardless, nothing can shake the memory I have of that night. I don't know why I didn't pursue her more after that. Maybe because I don't think either of us was ready for that kind of relationship. Who knows. All I know is that I feel better after getting this off my chest.

If there is anyone out there that has been through a similar experience, I would love to hear from you, so I don't feel like I'm the only one that's ever tried something like this. I think Asani and I both enjoyed what happened that night, so I guess that's all that matters.

I still see her on disaster's green
Braving the tempest aftermath
To search for siblings in between
The wreckage of a twister's path.

The wind was in her silhouette,
Before the turbulence beyond,
And betrayed nothing of the fret
That the ransacking wind had spawned.

Then, as an angel plucks a ghost,
She whisked me off to safety sure
Or if need be get diagnosed,
Or otherwise be made secure...

Like memories which won't rescind
Of angels in the silhouette wind.

take me to nirvana          
down an alley            
in mullumbimbi            
            
where silent ombre hippies          
shuck faux chakras            
in temples of fire and steam            
             
sadist priests conjure            
blissful depths of inferno            
in a vortex of eucalypt ghost flame              
             
the rite of sweat and chloral rapture            
            
[gong]     
             
euphoria gurgles and puffs              
amongst the golden palm and little dragon        
at the end of the alley          
in the belly of kiva

I’m here by the stream
that runs cold
over the old
crock jar where
you keep your heart,
our manuscript
on my lap.

After three seasons of
on again off again
I wanted to smell
the clean air where
you told me

this feels like love

one more time.

I fell out of love with you
on a Friday morning
after the roses went missing.

You’d taken me to your
old apartment when we
first got together,
gave me a key.
We locked it and
moved in to a new place
where we could laugh and love,
start over.

Out of sight.

And when you went
missing in spirit
I used the key.

Saw your ass pumping
with my roses on her bedside

I leaf through our manuscript
the old oak against my back
as the water keeps
your heart
cool

I just wanted to smell the clean air
and remember

When you wrote the poem
about the purring ginger cat
and your grief when you
had to bury it because some
asshole hit it.

And I held you through the
night, looked at pictures
with you when your dog
had his last day as your
best friend

How many ‘go you’
moments did we share…
Goals and saves and concerts
and diets and
that driving lesson that
made your asshole
pucker

But made you proud.
God it made you proud

I wanted to smell the clean air
because I can’t smell
the salt line on your back
from where you sweated
so hard you had to buy a new shirt
and I wanted to climb in the shirt

because sweat makes me feral.

And I want to look at the
jar because
those
‘what I’m up to now’
moments in the
middle of the day
are gone.
Fuck I loved
knowing you
thought about me
enough to share
your work.

I was always
enamored by your
ability to create.

So I breathe
clean air and remember

when we talked about you being
a stunt dick
instead of what
was bothering me

and when I told you,
about his death
you held me
so fucking gently
I couldn’t smell
their perfume

You even told me
about your new life,
in your way,
with some maudlin shit I
thought was low self image
And me,
as in love
as a woman ever was
wanted nothing but
to see your good,
to lift you up
make you feel better

So I comforted you.
When you wrote poems
about fucking
other
women
and gave them to me.

I let each poem
from our manuscript,
each memory
hundreds of pages,
thousands of moments
leave my hand and
float away.

The tree at my back
feels like your arms
for a moment

and for the first time
there’s no temptation
to relax into
my besties arms,
to tell a dad joke to my sexy,
to be weird and taboo
with my lover

I fell out of love with you
last Friday morning,
and there’s
no yearning to strain to hear you
call me
gorgeous,
one more time.

Just the sound
of the stream
where you keep your
heart in an old
crock jar

so I leave.

I leave.