Memories

I am at the beach; the golden sand warms up my bare feet as the calm ocean waves cool them off in return. I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly. The salty air acts as a disinfectant for all of the wounds that I carry with me; wounds that have not healed all the way.

The sun is setting, but it is not a sign of unhappiness; it is a sign of new beginnings. I'm leaving my past behind to move forward to a bright, yet unknown future. The thought thrills me as for once, I have no idea what will be around the corner. Despite my slight insecurities, I am at ease with that fact. I have worked hard to get where I am, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

It has been quite the eventful pilgrimage these past eighteen years. There were moments of joy and hope, but also moments of darkness and despair. I suffered, just like anyone else has. I was just a quiet little girl; there was not much I could have done. Later on, however, my experience allowed me to grow stronger as a person. So for those people who made my life a misery, if you are reading this, then know that you can't affect my life. You are but a mere pest, however, I will never forget what you have done to me…

The cool breeze comforts me as I feel my negative thoughts slip away. A soft smile appears on my face as I enjoy the feeling of bliss. They cannot hurt me; not anymore.

A seagull soars through the open sky, completely free to do whatever it wishes. My spirit is like the bird; free of all the burdens that I had to carry with me while growing up. It lifts me up so high that I feel like I am on top of the world.

With the scenery around me, I cannot help but feel happy; my whole life has been one chaotic emotional roller-coaster, and now, it seems to be calming down. I still freak out, but it is good for once.

The sun has completely disappeared beyond the horizon, and the moon comes in its place. The dim light catches my eye and I smile at my figurative mother. Luna; my ruling planet. It has affected me my whole life, just like it affects our mother Earth. I am a child of the ocean; so quiet and delicate, but loyal and affectionate deep down. This is me; nothing can change me.

The moon lights up the pathway for me. Its mere presence gives me boundless confidence for what I have to do. My journey will be long, and at times difficult, but I will make it across the sea. One day.

Fumbling around in an old junk drawer,
I wound up finding something to fix the wound.
Walking on autopilot
blocking out the pain because it needs fixing.
Saturated my dress trying to decorate this ache.
I hate the mistake of letting you in.
Believing I could fix the damage,
I walk to the mirror, grieving my injury.
My face drains of color as I bleed out.
I need to focus as I thread the needle.
Twitching hands become steady
as I begin to stitch my heart.
Showing me the strength returning within.
Bestowing me with the gift of a lesson learned.

You wake up in the morning
feeling like a shave
and a bath
will make you human again
shivering with your nose running
you
look in the mirror
with pain rushing through
every
nerve
you have
what you see?
a faded image of your
past
self
but i have been there
too many times
i must say
so
listen to me
you might be lost
you might be broken
you might be in pieces
but you are
alive
and bit by bit you are
going
to
live
some pieces of that life might be good
some might be bad
some might be painful
some might be pleasant
but
without hate you cant feel love  
without sadness you cant feel happiness
without darkness  you can see light
and I am telling you light can be found
even
in your darkest moments

I well remember my first day at school
dashing eager through Victorian doors,
beveled glass refracting rainbows, wood smoothed
by countless sweet-bribed kids, pushed in its maw.
 
And the dour-faced whelping who greeted me,
so high, so mighty, so imperious,
who yanked me away, seemingly with glee,
from some toys, saying " Not for likes of us!"
 
Ah well, she's far beyond chastisement now
and the indignities? Surely, I'll forgive,
for she must've got something right, or how,
could I be penning this, little missive?
 
But she was a foul-tempered harridan  
Though life was a breeze, after you Ma'am.

It was the old grey Carr Academy  
where she, all stately dressed in granite stone,  
waited to take and teach four-year-old-me  
and did I hear my forebears fearful moans?  

A school from that harsh Victorian age  
erected in Eighteen-Seventy-Four,  
when black-slate and chalk ruled not paper page  
and teachers taught class tasks by rote and lore.  
 
My great-grandmother attended this school  
as did four generations after her,  
back then you'd be flogged for playing the fool  
or not addressing the Masters as, sir...
 
The school's still in use the violence long gone  
But what would walls tell with my ear, pressed on?  
 

Screeching halt
Crushing metal;
rising from
the back seat floor

Racing heart
does not settle;
hot stinging
sensation sore

Eyes wet
head burning
ruby red;
gushing, bleeding
flashing lights
undiscerning

Maternal voice
panicked, pleading;
fearful shaking
comfort seeking
"Oh my baby"  
mother shrieking
running towards me
as I fell . . .  

Unnerved
and distressed
remembering
nothing more
Although feeling altered
to the very core

Now exploring
impression left --
forever changed
reactions repressed

At ease in chaos
and commotion
confidence secured
controlled emotion

I am self-assured

Remaining calm in crisis
amid every storm's wrath;
always holding strong
until the aftermath