Long Funny Poems
#funny
Long funny poems. 300 words or more, most recently published poems first.
PoetsRevenge
Poem Published
12th Apr 2025 4:32am
12th Apr 2025 4:32am
Miniver Cheesy
I
Miniver longed for what he had once
simple plays and something greasy
He bid a glance toward happiness
and gave in so easy.
It was his nature to forget those days
and ever in short was appeasing
true fast food and rented movies seemed
simply more pleasing.
Pretty women and young guns
riding the miles high in achieving
to entertain the furtive vein
and in that exceeding.
II
When robot men and hooded grey cloaks
were the butt of endless jokes
and pepperoni...
Miniver longed for what he had once
simple plays and something greasy
He bid a glance toward happiness
and gave in so easy.
It was his nature to forget those days
and ever in short was appeasing
true fast food and rented movies seemed
simply more pleasing.
Pretty women and young guns
riding the miles high in achieving
to entertain the furtive vein
and in that exceeding.
II
When robot men and hooded grey cloaks
were the butt of endless jokes
and pepperoni...
#funny
39 reads
0 Comments
ReggiePoet
Reggie
Reggie
Poem Published
25th Mar 2025 2:33am
25th Mar 2025 2:33am
The Best Girl, Her Master, His Wife & Her Lover
#BDSM
#funny
#rhyming
#dark
#ShortStory
227 reads
3 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
10th Mar 2025 10:18pm
10th Mar 2025 10:18pm
Mirror Tango Twists of Kitty & Fang the Clown
Mirror Tango Twists of Kitty & Fang the Clown
(Concept by Dan Stafford
& Dialogue by John Hindle)
Kitty and Joke live in an alternate universe on the other side of a set of fun house mirrors in a creepy carnival.
Kitty tells Joke, “Hey this place is creepy, like the fun house mirrors at the amusement park I went too as a kid. The reflections in the looking glasses look like my multiple personalities.”
“Who are those other ladies in your psyche?”
“Let me introduce...
(Concept by Dan Stafford
& Dialogue by John Hindle)
Kitty and Joke live in an alternate universe on the other side of a set of fun house mirrors in a creepy carnival.
Kitty tells Joke, “Hey this place is creepy, like the fun house mirrors at the amusement park I went too as a kid. The reflections in the looking glasses look like my multiple personalities.”
“Who are those other ladies in your psyche?”
“Let me introduce...
#dance
#funny
#gothic
#romantic
#seductive
151 reads
0 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
10th Mar 2025 1:01am
10th Mar 2025 1:01am
Masquerade Ball at Mardi Gras
Masquerade Ball at Mardi Gras
Mr. Baumgartner was an older man with a receding hairline, light complexion, and a thin black mustache like Hitler’s. He was a predator with pale blue eagle eyes. Mr. Baumgartner said, half-jokingly, that if he hadn’t been a writer he would have been president or a messiah.
Mr. Baumgartner stood in the large room that took up the whole side of the house facing the street. He looked at the print of the Mona Lisa, Da Vinci’s perfect woman. Then he looked at his wife and sighed.
His wife had grey hair, wore glasses with coke bottle...
Mr. Baumgartner was an older man with a receding hairline, light complexion, and a thin black mustache like Hitler’s. He was a predator with pale blue eagle eyes. Mr. Baumgartner said, half-jokingly, that if he hadn’t been a writer he would have been president or a messiah.
Mr. Baumgartner stood in the large room that took up the whole side of the house facing the street. He looked at the print of the Mona Lisa, Da Vinci’s perfect woman. Then he looked at his wife and sighed.
His wife had grey hair, wore glasses with coke bottle...
#alcohol
#crush
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#surreal
79 reads
0 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
6th Mar 2025 00:31am
6th Mar 2025 00:31am
IRONIC ISNT IT
Sometimes Irony and Murphy’s Law
lend to each other.
The blind man leads the deaf man,
they debate honest politics
one can’t see, the other can’t hear,
while they are nicely seated
at the corners of the round table,
which has no corners but still divides.
The preacher damns the sinners
between paid confessions and rented beds,
his sermon reeks of whiskey and perfume.
He calls it redemption; she calls it a Tuesday.
The poet bleeds words,
the painter stains canvas,
the whore does both, but she’s still...
lend to each other.
The blind man leads the deaf man,
they debate honest politics
one can’t see, the other can’t hear,
while they are nicely seated
at the corners of the round table,
which has no corners but still divides.
The preacher damns the sinners
between paid confessions and rented beds,
his sermon reeks of whiskey and perfume.
He calls it redemption; she calls it a Tuesday.
The poet bleeds words,
the painter stains canvas,
the whore does both, but she’s still...
#funny
#satirical
#TruthOfLife
113 reads
6 Comments
PittinixDesigns
Poem Published
5th Mar 2025 5:01pm
5th Mar 2025 5:01pm
Mass Earnis Ah Mass Ruben
(Patois)
Mass Earnis ave wah son niem Den Den, ah Mass Ruben ave wah son niem Jakes. Di two bwoy dem did a pliay wang giem dung di ruod, an Den Den gi Jakes a rass lick wid a pisa tik. Wen Jakes guh uom, eeh tell eeh puppa seh Den Den lick im inna eeh fies wid wan tik.
Mass Ruben seh, “Kom mi bwoy, mia goh mek yuh lick back Den Den widdi tik.” Wen Mass Ruben an im son reech a Mass Earnis yawd, dem si Den Den sidung pah wah big stuon. Mass Ruben seh tu im seh, “Den Den, weh mek yuh lick Jakes inna eeh fies widdi tik?” Den Den seh, “Mi neva mein fi lick im. A...
Mass Earnis ave wah son niem Den Den, ah Mass Ruben ave wah son niem Jakes. Di two bwoy dem did a pliay wang giem dung di ruod, an Den Den gi Jakes a rass lick wid a pisa tik. Wen Jakes guh uom, eeh tell eeh puppa seh Den Den lick im inna eeh fies wid wan tik.
Mass Ruben seh, “Kom mi bwoy, mia goh mek yuh lick back Den Den widdi tik.” Wen Mass Ruben an im son reech a Mass Earnis yawd, dem si Den Den sidung pah wah big stuon. Mass Ruben seh tu im seh, “Den Den, weh mek yuh lick Jakes inna eeh fies widdi tik?” Den Den seh, “Mi neva mein fi lick im. A...
#children
#curse
#father
#funny
#home
83 reads
0 Comments
DamianDeadLove
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 7:59am
7th Feb 2025 7:59am
A Valuable Lesson
So I was at the public library here in town the other day. I live in a very small town by the way. Just returning some books my kids had borrowed. Nothing to make a big deal about you’d think.
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
#funny
#parody
#satirical
178 reads
20 Comments
Pishashee
Poem Published
7th Feb 2025 3:17am
7th Feb 2025 3:17am
Periodic Table of Arguments
Oxygen, a fiery little redhead with a southern drawl, tapped her foot impatiently.
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
#earth
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#nature
#universe
149 reads
0 Comments
Paulajobi
Paula Jobi
Paula Jobi
Poem Published
18th Dec 2024 9:50am
18th Dec 2024 9:50am
Cigarettes
#death
#evil
#funny
97 reads
4 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 7:01pm
29th Nov 2024 7:01pm
A Distorted History Of Dance!
I was reminiscing one night
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
#dance
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody
#satirical
124 reads
0 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 4:24am
29th Nov 2024 4:24am
Santa Didn’t Read the Letters
Twas Christmas Eve, the house was still,
Jane and Tim plotted their vengeance with skill.
For Santa had failed, and the kids were upset,
Their dreams turned to ashes they’d never forget.
Jane had asked for a pony, sleek and refined,
But got socks with glitter, was Santa out of his mind?
Tim begged for a bike, a two-wheeled dream,
Instead, he unwrapped some socks and nose cream.
“What is this nonsense?” Jane cried in despair.
“Does Santa think this will show he cares?”
“He’s lazy or blind,” Tim said with a sneer,
“We’ll make...
Jane and Tim plotted their vengeance with skill.
For Santa had failed, and the kids were upset,
Their dreams turned to ashes they’d never forget.
Jane had asked for a pony, sleek and refined,
But got socks with glitter, was Santa out of his mind?
Tim begged for a bike, a two-wheeled dream,
Instead, he unwrapped some socks and nose cream.
“What is this nonsense?” Jane cried in despair.
“Does Santa think this will show he cares?”
“He’s lazy or blind,” Tim said with a sneer,
“We’ll make...
#Christmas
#funny
239 reads
0 Comments
DamianDeadLove
Poem Published
27th Nov 2024 8:22am
27th Nov 2024 8:22am
Thanksgiving At DeadLove Manor
Hello, my brothers and sisters who occupy this creative writing atmosphere. Where the poets/poetesses are known for their hospitality here at DU. Cast your mind with me, folks. I’m gonna try something a little different, you’re all invited to Thanksgiving Dinner here at DeadLove Manor.
A turkey with all the trimmings and every side dish your mind could imagine. A dessert table filled with pies of many fillings and flavors. Wait a minute! That’s traditional and all, but we’re writers damn it. We march to our own drum, we’re anything but predictable.
I say we...
A turkey with all the trimmings and every side dish your mind could imagine. A dessert table filled with pies of many fillings and flavors. Wait a minute! That’s traditional and all, but we’re writers damn it. We march to our own drum, we’re anything but predictable.
I say we...
#DeepUndergroundPoetry
#family
#funny #parody
#funny #parody
265 reads
30 Comments
DU Poetry : Long Funny Poems
