Long Funny Poems
#funny
Long funny poems. 300 words or more, most recently published poems first.
Royal Blue
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#funny
#seductive
#SelfReflection
37 reads
0 Comments
A Valuable Lesson
So I was at the public library here in town the other day. I live in a very small town by the way. Just returning some books my kids had borrowed. Nothing to make a big deal about you’d think.
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
After putting the books on the return desk, I decided to go over to the autobiography section just to take a gander. I start looking for musicians in particular. Ones I don’t have or haven’t read.
Off on the other side of the library there was a group having a meeting. It’s audible what they’re saying, but it’s by no means yelling at the top of their lungs. It sounds...
#funny
#parody
#satirical
142 reads
20 Comments
Periodic Table of Arguments
Oxygen, a fiery little redhead with a southern drawl, tapped her foot impatiently.
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
"Hydro, honey, you're fixin' to make a fool out of yourself. Carbon is obviously gonna choose me. We make water together, darlin'. Everybody needs water. It's the lifeblood of everything!"
Hydrogen, Oxygen's nervous little sister with a squeaky voice, wrung her hands.
"You're so bossy!" Whispering loudly. "So grabby! You hog all the electrons! I offer Carbon a nice, even share. Think of all the cool stuff we can build together – hydrocarbons, the...
#earth
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#nature
#universe
119 reads
0 Comments
How Soon They Forget
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#funny
#narrative
132 reads
12 Comments
Cigarettes
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#death
#evil
#funny
75 reads
4 Comments
I am your cross
(I'll sever you in less syllables than you borrow, lest my tongue throw a fit when I read this over (First, you use "bold" letters and words in quotations, like this)
"I walk on peoples scars to gain an inch and pluck from precipice of my creators limbs, my touch goes all but unnoticed, they barely feel the pinch but my soul erodes when I let words, truly mine roll through some other man's uncreative ditch to be cursive treasure, to be seeds and beans to trade for what they wish, become the way in which they're measured when they use a drop of mine as a pond to...
"I walk on peoples scars to gain an inch and pluck from precipice of my creators limbs, my touch goes all but unnoticed, they barely feel the pinch but my soul erodes when I let words, truly mine roll through some other man's uncreative ditch to be cursive treasure, to be seeds and beans to trade for what they wish, become the way in which they're measured when they use a drop of mine as a pond to...
#anger
#funny
#steampunk
173 reads
4 Comments
A Distorted History Of Dance!
I was reminiscing one night
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
#dance
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody
#satirical
89 reads
0 Comments
Santa Didn’t Read the Letters
Twas Christmas Eve, the house was still,
Jane and Tim plotted their vengeance with skill.
For Santa had failed, and the kids were upset,
Their dreams turned to ashes they’d never forget.
Jane had asked for a pony, sleek and refined,
But got socks with glitter, was Santa out of his mind?
Tim begged for a bike, a two-wheeled dream,
Instead, he unwrapped some socks and nose cream.
“What is this nonsense?” Jane cried in despair.
“Does Santa think this will show he cares?”
“He’s lazy or blind,” Tim said with a sneer,
“We’ll make...
Jane and Tim plotted their vengeance with skill.
For Santa had failed, and the kids were upset,
Their dreams turned to ashes they’d never forget.
Jane had asked for a pony, sleek and refined,
But got socks with glitter, was Santa out of his mind?
Tim begged for a bike, a two-wheeled dream,
Instead, he unwrapped some socks and nose cream.
“What is this nonsense?” Jane cried in despair.
“Does Santa think this will show he cares?”
“He’s lazy or blind,” Tim said with a sneer,
“We’ll make...
#Christmas
#funny
202 reads
0 Comments
Thanksgiving At DeadLove Manor
Hello, my brothers and sisters who occupy this creative writing atmosphere. Where the poets/poetesses are known for their hospitality here at DU. Cast your mind with me, folks. I’m gonna try something a little different, you’re all invited to Thanksgiving Dinner here at DeadLove Manor.
A turkey with all the trimmings and every side dish your mind could imagine. A dessert table filled with pies of many fillings and flavors. Wait a minute! That’s traditional and all, but we’re writers damn it. We march to our own drum, we’re anything but predictable.
I say we...
A turkey with all the trimmings and every side dish your mind could imagine. A dessert table filled with pies of many fillings and flavors. Wait a minute! That’s traditional and all, but we’re writers damn it. We march to our own drum, we’re anything but predictable.
I say we...
#DeepUndergroundPoetry
#family
#funny #parody
#funny #parody
241 reads
30 Comments
The Misadventures of White Snow
In a castle where shadows crept by,
White Snow was born with a piercing cry.
No queen with needles, no poetic woes,
Just a scandal: her mother arose
And ran off with a prince from another land,
Leaving her child with her father’s hand.
The king, heartbroken, tried to mend,
Marrying a woman who aimed to befriend
The bitter girl with a heart of stone,
White Snow, who craved a screen and a phone.
TikToks posted with filtered glow,
But envy festered deep below.
Her stepmother, kind, with a radiant air,
Unintentionally...
White Snow was born with a piercing cry.
No queen with needles, no poetic woes,
Just a scandal: her mother arose
And ran off with a prince from another land,
Leaving her child with her father’s hand.
The king, heartbroken, tried to mend,
Marrying a woman who aimed to befriend
The bitter girl with a heart of stone,
White Snow, who craved a screen and a phone.
TikToks posted with filtered glow,
But envy festered deep below.
Her stepmother, kind, with a radiant air,
Unintentionally...
#fiction
#funny
92 reads
0 Comments
Goldi and The 3 Bears
In a forest clearing, lived Goldi, the queen,
With a shotgun, stilettos, and a house oh so pristine.
One fine day, to the mall she did dash,
For a shoe sale promised a bargain for cash.
While she was gone, through her window crept three,
A family of bears, wild as could be.
Papa Bear sniffed, "This place smells divine!"
And made himself cozy with no sense of time.
He lumbered straight to her porcelain throne,
And left behind a stench all of his own.
"Perfectly pungent!" he growled with pride, a little chorri...
With a shotgun, stilettos, and a house oh so pristine.
One fine day, to the mall she did dash,
For a shoe sale promised a bargain for cash.
While she was gone, through her window crept three,
A family of bears, wild as could be.
Papa Bear sniffed, "This place smells divine!"
And made himself cozy with no sense of time.
He lumbered straight to her porcelain throne,
And left behind a stench all of his own.
"Perfectly pungent!" he growled with pride, a little chorri...
#funny
#morality
101 reads
0 Comments
The Tale of Little Red
In a forest deep, where the secrets hide,
Walked a girl with a basket, her stride full of pride.
They called her Little Red, with her vodka in tow,
To Granny’s wild cottage, through woods she’d go.
Her mother had warned, “Stay true to the trail,
And steer clear of hunters with stories to regale.
Your granny’s unwell or at least she pretends
So take her this cake and the vodka that mends.”
But deep in the woods, a wolf caught her eye,
His grin was sharp, but his greeting was,"Hi"
“Where to, Little Red? With that...
Walked a girl with a basket, her stride full of pride.
They called her Little Red, with her vodka in tow,
To Granny’s wild cottage, through woods she’d go.
Her mother had warned, “Stay true to the trail,
And steer clear of hunters with stories to regale.
Your granny’s unwell or at least she pretends
So take her this cake and the vodka that mends.”
But deep in the woods, a wolf caught her eye,
His grin was sharp, but his greeting was,"Hi"
“Where to, Little Red? With that...
#fiction
#funny
96 reads
2 Comments
DU Poetry : Long Funny Poems