A Distorted History Of Dance!

I was reminiscing one night  
At myself, in my early thirties  
And an assortment of work colleagues  
On a night out  
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub  
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly  
But i did have a hidden dance move  
So when the right sort of tune was played  
I entered the arena of the dance floor  
And began to cossack!  
I was unexpectedly applauded!  
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking  
Are strong legs, and good balance  
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills  
When caught short in woods, or festivals!  
And that is not a time to practise cossacking!!!  
No-one really knows where cossacking as self defence began  
But my theory is that it commenced in the middle ages  
Somewhere near to cossacksville
Where the local villagers had a problem  
With ankle biting nomadic Leprechauns  
(NOTE: Not all Leprechauns bite ankles  
Some are reknowned for sitting around  
On their big backsides, smoking pipes  
And telling jokes, oft about cossacks!)  
The cossacks at first, fought, thought, and tried  
A multitude of ways to stop them  
Kicking was the most effective, but wasn't enough  
To combat a deluge of ankle biting Leprechauns  
Until one cossack suggested, that they could produce  
More kicks, when crouching down. a form of cossack karate  
This proved highly successful to a degree  
The only problem was  
That whilst crouch-kicking, they exposed their rears  
And the Leprechauns, being astute, had started to bite bums  
The cossacks quickly rectified this problem  
With help from a friendly Bavarian
 Started to wear lederhosen!  
This was a huge success, and many a bum was saved  
The Leprechauns gave up, and ventured afar  
To ankle, and possibly now, bum bite, in faraway lands  
The cossacks soon got bored with the lederhosen  
But carried on practising what they now called  
Crouch kick fighting  
Over a period of a few hundred years  
By the 16th century  
Had become a form of folk dance  
So who would of imagined that hundreds of years later  
In a completely different culture  
That i was now replicating that very same form  
Of cossack karate  
On a nightclub floor in Watford!  
   
by Jemia