Funny Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
#funny
funny seeking friendly advice poems. Friendly advice and comments have been requested for these poems.
missjem56
Poem Published
19th Mar 2025 1:00pm
19th Mar 2025 1:00pm
I Love Swede!
I bumped into a friend
the other day
And they asked
if i was okay
I told them
i couldn't get a swede anywhere!
They asked if
i was making a soup
I said "No, i full swear
"I just like sex with
Swedish people!"
I wonder if they taste
a bit swed'ish?
by Jemia
the other day
And they asked
if i was okay
I told them
i couldn't get a swede anywhere!
They asked if
i was making a soup
I said "No, i full swear
"I just like sex with
Swedish people!"
I wonder if they taste
a bit swed'ish?
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody #satirical
#parody #satirical
57 reads
0 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
16th Mar 2025 6:19pm
16th Mar 2025 6:19pm
Public Display of Dismay
There once was a man quite outrageous,
Who’d pull out his cock, quite voracious.
At a wedding, a store,
He’d show it once more,
And the cops found it truly audacious!
At the courthouse, he made his big stand,
With his cock still in his hand, quite unplanned.
But the judge said, “Oh please,
This is just a disease,”
And they banned him from all public land!
Na Na naaaaa - dirty bastard..
Who’d pull out his cock, quite voracious.
At a wedding, a store,
He’d show it once more,
And the cops found it truly audacious!
At the courthouse, he made his big stand,
With his cock still in his hand, quite unplanned.
But the judge said, “Oh please,
This is just a disease,”
And they banned him from all public land!
Na Na naaaaa - dirty bastard..
#funny
75 reads
9 Comments
ReggiePoet
Reggie
Reggie
Poem Published
15th Mar 2025 2:48pm
15th Mar 2025 2:48pm
My Domina Said, 'I Will, You Will'
#BDSM
#funny
#rhyming
145 reads
2 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
12th Mar 2025 11:36pm
12th Mar 2025 11:36pm
Cerberus
If i were to obtain a pet dog
The best deal around
Was buy one
Get two free!
All in one package
Instead of a four-legged friend
A three-headed Cerberus fiend!
This wouldn't work for me though
I prefer cats!
And imagine patting your pet on the heads?
I have only two hands
I'd worry at the head not patted
Would it get jealous
And perhaps eat me?
by Jemia
The best deal around
Was buy one
Get two free!
All in one package
Instead of a four-legged friend
A three-headed Cerberus fiend!
This wouldn't work for me though
I prefer cats!
And imagine patting your pet on the heads?
I have only two hands
I'd worry at the head not patted
Would it get jealous
And perhaps eat me?
by Jemia
#dogs
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#mythology
#satirical
65 reads
0 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
10th Mar 2025 10:18pm
10th Mar 2025 10:18pm
Mirror Tango Twists of Kitty & Fang the Clown
Mirror Tango Twists of Kitty & Fang the Clown
(Concept by Dan Stafford
& Dialogue by John Hindle)
Kitty and Joke live in an alternate universe on the other side of a set of fun house mirrors in a creepy carnival.
Kitty tells Joke, “Hey this place is creepy, like the fun house mirrors at the amusement park I went too as a kid. The reflections in the looking glasses look like my multiple personalities.”
“Who are those other ladies in your psyche?”
“Let me introduce...
(Concept by Dan Stafford
& Dialogue by John Hindle)
Kitty and Joke live in an alternate universe on the other side of a set of fun house mirrors in a creepy carnival.
Kitty tells Joke, “Hey this place is creepy, like the fun house mirrors at the amusement park I went too as a kid. The reflections in the looking glasses look like my multiple personalities.”
“Who are those other ladies in your psyche?”
“Let me introduce...
#dance
#funny
#gothic
#romantic
#seductive
162 reads
0 Comments
goldenmyst
Poem Published
10th Mar 2025 1:01am
10th Mar 2025 1:01am
Masquerade Ball at Mardi Gras
Masquerade Ball at Mardi Gras
Mr. Baumgartner was an older man with a receding hairline, light complexion, and a thin black mustache like Hitler’s. He was a predator with pale blue eagle eyes. Mr. Baumgartner said, half-jokingly, that if he hadn’t been a writer he would have been president or a messiah.
Mr. Baumgartner stood in the large room that took up the whole side of the house facing the street. He looked at the print of the Mona Lisa, Da Vinci’s perfect woman. Then he looked at his wife and sighed.
His wife had grey hair, wore glasses with coke bottle...
Mr. Baumgartner was an older man with a receding hairline, light complexion, and a thin black mustache like Hitler’s. He was a predator with pale blue eagle eyes. Mr. Baumgartner said, half-jokingly, that if he hadn’t been a writer he would have been president or a messiah.
Mr. Baumgartner stood in the large room that took up the whole side of the house facing the street. He looked at the print of the Mona Lisa, Da Vinci’s perfect woman. Then he looked at his wife and sighed.
His wife had grey hair, wore glasses with coke bottle...
#alcohol
#crush
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#surreal
86 reads
0 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
6th Mar 2025 00:31am
6th Mar 2025 00:31am
IRONIC ISNT IT
Sometimes Irony and Murphy’s Law
lend to each other.
The blind man leads the deaf man,
they debate honest politics
one can’t see, the other can’t hear,
while they are nicely seated
at the corners of the round table,
which has no corners but still divides.
The preacher damns the sinners
between paid confessions and rented beds,
his sermon reeks of whiskey and perfume.
He calls it redemption; she calls it a Tuesday.
The poet bleeds words,
the painter stains canvas,
the whore does both, but she’s still...
lend to each other.
The blind man leads the deaf man,
they debate honest politics
one can’t see, the other can’t hear,
while they are nicely seated
at the corners of the round table,
which has no corners but still divides.
The preacher damns the sinners
between paid confessions and rented beds,
his sermon reeks of whiskey and perfume.
He calls it redemption; she calls it a Tuesday.
The poet bleeds words,
the painter stains canvas,
the whore does both, but she’s still...
#funny
#satirical
#TruthOfLife
123 reads
6 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
5th Mar 2025 6:48pm
5th Mar 2025 6:48pm
Sprung
Had a spring clean today!
After a quick look around
And to my surprise
Found a small spring
Lain upon the bedroom carpet
In a curious looking pose
So i picked it up
Saw that it was a bit grubby
And cleaned it
So now it's as bouncy as
A spring lamb
Or a ball
Or a spring!
by Jemia
After a quick look around
And to my surprise
Found a small spring
Lain upon the bedroom carpet
In a curious looking pose
So i picked it up
Saw that it was a bit grubby
And cleaned it
So now it's as bouncy as
A spring lamb
Or a ball
Or a spring!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #spring
#satirical #spring
50 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
4th Mar 2025 2:00am
4th Mar 2025 2:00am
A Letter From An Elf
"How come
You write about
Fairies, pixies, witches
Dragons, mermaids etc.?"
".What is wrong
With us elves?"
"Are you elfist?"
Signed
Alf the elf...
"Dear ELF, named Alf"
"I'm so sorry you feel
LEFt on the shELF
I blame it on mysELF
Due to poor ELF
And little wELF!
I will endeavour
In future
To be less sELFish
And more ELFish!"
by Jemia
You write about
Fairies, pixies, witches
Dragons, mermaids etc.?"
".What is wrong
With us elves?"
"Are you elfist?"
Signed
Alf the elf...
"Dear ELF, named Alf"
"I'm so sorry you feel
LEFt on the shELF
I blame it on mysELF
Due to poor ELF
And little wELF!
I will endeavour
In future
To be less sELFish
And more ELFish!"
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody #surreal
#parody #surreal
73 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
4th Mar 2025 1:27am
4th Mar 2025 1:27am
Alienated!
I was abducted by aliens last night!!!!
They told me
They had come
To suck out my brains!
After much jabbering
Amongst themselves
And a few,
Seemingly harmless experiments
Where i presume
They were testing my brain output etc
They suddenly returned to Earth
Let me leave their spaceship aka ufo
Without saying a word?
So i asked
"I thought you were going to suck out my brains!"
"Yes earthling, we were
But decided on this occasion
It wasn't worth it.........
by Jemia
They told me
They had come
To suck out my brains!
After much jabbering
Amongst themselves
And a few,
Seemingly harmless experiments
Where i presume
They were testing my brain output etc
They suddenly returned to Earth
Let me leave their spaceship aka ufo
Without saying a word?
So i asked
"I thought you were going to suck out my brains!"
"Yes earthling, we were
But decided on this occasion
It wasn't worth it.........
by Jemia
#aliens
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
75 reads
1 Comment
missjem56
Poem Published
3rd Mar 2025 4:15pm
3rd Mar 2025 4:15pm
Gummy Bare!
I dreamt of romance last night
It was of someone i know!
Yet ten years ago, or so
I read on a dating site
That if age was a factor
And should it work right
Then by a rough rule of thumb
That they should be no younger than some
That are half your age old
Plus seven years added, to be told
Working on this basis
And some
Straightforward
Arithmatical sums
Then my potential partner
Will be at least 129 years old
But with possible healthy gums!
by Jemia
It was of someone i know!
Yet ten years ago, or so
I read on a dating site
That if age was a factor
And should it work right
Then by a rough rule of thumb
That they should be no younger than some
That are half your age old
Plus seven years added, to be told
Working on this basis
And some
Straightforward
Arithmatical sums
Then my potential partner
Will be at least 129 years old
But with possible healthy gums!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#romantic #satirical
#romantic #satirical
87 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
2nd Mar 2025 4:52pm
2nd Mar 2025 4:52pm
Hops!
Into the woods
Where lay
Folk of another kind of ethereal
Who every morning
Had cornflakes
As their cereal
Although some would forage
Opting instead
For frogs legs porridge!
by Jemia
Where lay
Folk of another kind of ethereal
Who every morning
Had cornflakes
As their cereal
Although some would forage
Opting instead
For frogs legs porridge!
by Jemia
#food
#funny
#magic #surreal
#magic #surreal
68 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
