Funny Poetry
#funny
Funny poems to make you laugh. Here you'll find all persuasions of poetic comedy, jokes and humour. This is the place for poetry which doesn't take itself too seriously!
MalcolmG
Poem Published
Today 12:33pm
Today 12:33pm
The Tortoise and the Hare
One day a hare and a tortoise had a fight
They discussed the things both wrong and right, neither could decide the way and so they raced the very next day !
The hare was smug, as hares will be,
“A race? With you? Don’t make me pee!
You’re slow as sludge, you’ve got no flair
I'll dust you off and beat you bare!”
The tortoise grinned, a wily chap,
And snapped his fingers with a clap.
“We’ll race tomorrow, sharp at eight.
And may the best one claim their fate!”
The day arrived, the sun was bright,
The animals turned out to...
They discussed the things both wrong and right, neither could decide the way and so they raced the very next day !
The hare was smug, as hares will be,
“A race? With you? Don’t make me pee!
You’re slow as sludge, you’ve got no flair
I'll dust you off and beat you bare!”
The tortoise grinned, a wily chap,
And snapped his fingers with a clap.
“We’ll race tomorrow, sharp at eight.
And may the best one claim their fate!”
The day arrived, the sun was bright,
The animals turned out to...
#funny
#tradition
9 reads
0 Comments
MalcolmG
Poem Published
Today 1:16am
Today 1:16am
I’d Rather Have a Dragon than a Cat
Who needs a cat with its smug, aloof stare,
when you can have a dragon
curled around your armchair?
No hairballs to gag on, no litter box smell
just scales that gleam like molten gold,
a roar that tolls like a dinner bell.
Picture this:
I’m walking my dragon down Main Street,
its tail swiping lampposts, its wings unfurled.
You’d cross the road, wouldn’t you?
No "Here, kitty, kitty" nonsense here
more like "Hey, don’t step on my dragon's tail,
unless you fancy a toasted rear."
Cats claw at your...
when you can have a dragon
curled around your armchair?
No hairballs to gag on, no litter box smell
just scales that gleam like molten gold,
a roar that tolls like a dinner bell.
Picture this:
I’m walking my dragon down Main Street,
its tail swiping lampposts, its wings unfurled.
You’d cross the road, wouldn’t you?
No "Here, kitty, kitty" nonsense here
more like "Hey, don’t step on my dragon's tail,
unless you fancy a toasted rear."
Cats claw at your...
#dragons
#funny
17 reads
0 Comments
dartford
Paul S...
Paul S...
Poem Published
Yesterday 00:07am
Yesterday 00:07am
on the street
bloke says, ‘sorry, pops’, as
he steps hurriedly out
of my way
and I smile to myself
as I struggle to keep my balance
I don’t recognise the description
but thanks for making my
day ..
he steps hurriedly out
of my way
and I smile to myself
as I struggle to keep my balance
I don’t recognise the description
but thanks for making my
day ..
#aging
#funny
#weakness
31 reads
1 Comment
missjem56
Poem Published
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
Magnetism
I would like to be
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody #satirical
#parody #satirical
32 reads
1 Comment
PAR
Poem Published
19th Nov 2024 8:15pm
19th Nov 2024 8:15pm
Snotty Haiku
Sticky green mischief
Nose's hidden treasure falls
Silent sneeze secrets
Nose's hidden treasure falls
Silent sneeze secrets
#environment
#flowers
#funny
#haiku
#illness
27 reads
4 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
19th Nov 2024 10:42am
19th Nov 2024 10:42am
Dreaming of a Millennial Massacre
Your time has come young person
much sooner than you thought
release your mouth from your mother's nipple
there's a lesson here to be taught
you seek instant gratification
and vain internet validation
I'm a forward thinking man
yes, a problem solver
can you put your phone down for a minute?
you should try and pick up a revolver
Uber to the cemetery
i have dug you a grave
or you can go ask Siri
to make you her slave
hey you...yeah you, with the man-bun
I have a weed-wacker to chop off your beard,...
much sooner than you thought
release your mouth from your mother's nipple
there's a lesson here to be taught
you seek instant gratification
and vain internet validation
I'm a forward thinking man
yes, a problem solver
can you put your phone down for a minute?
you should try and pick up a revolver
Uber to the cemetery
i have dug you a grave
or you can go ask Siri
to make you her slave
hey you...yeah you, with the man-bun
I have a weed-wacker to chop off your beard,...
#funny
#hope
#parody
#satirical
#TruthOfLife
45 reads
6 Comments
Pete_25
Poem Published
18th Nov 2024 9:36am
18th Nov 2024 9:36am
Flush!
I've taken your shit
You take the piss
Bloody men
You aim and miss
Skiddy marks
Urine stains
Down the pan
Flushing chains
I've seen your ass
You blocked my passage
Johnnie's and wipes
Have caused great damage
Next time you visit
Give me a clean
Give it ten (minutes)
If HE has been!
You take the piss
Bloody men
You aim and miss
Skiddy marks
Urine stains
Down the pan
Flushing chains
I've seen your ass
You blocked my passage
Johnnie's and wipes
Have caused great damage
Next time you visit
Give me a clean
Give it ten (minutes)
If HE has been!
#funny
51 reads
13 Comments
Pete_25
Poem Published
17th Nov 2024 9:41am
17th Nov 2024 9:41am
Unwanted
I've got them here
Got them there
Out my nose
In my ear
Cut and trim
I do despair
Shave and snip
Unwanted hair
Pull and twist
Teary eyed
Oh I wish
They would die
A little verse
Wrote in pain
Oh my God
They're back again!
Got them there
Out my nose
In my ear
Cut and trim
I do despair
Shave and snip
Unwanted hair
Pull and twist
Teary eyed
Oh I wish
They would die
A little verse
Wrote in pain
Oh my God
They're back again!
#funny
53 reads
7 Comments
wallyroo92
Poem Published
17th Nov 2024 6:00am
17th Nov 2024 6:00am
In Lieu of a Kiss
#funny
#rhyming
45 reads
2 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
Very Close Encounters!
I was once propositioned by an alien
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
#aliens
#funny
#sex #surreal
#sex #surreal
32 reads
0 Comments
PittinixDesigns
Poem Published
16th Nov 2024 2:50am
16th Nov 2024 2:50am
Circus
You may be wondering why Poet Pittinix has been silent about the result of the recent US election.
The people of America desperately needed Trump because the American political system is a circus.
There are many circus acts that bring fun, but a circus without a clown would be incomplete.
Perhaps most people would agree with the poet’s view that Trump is the best clown in the world.
Anyway, let us be serious about this matter, for it will have a negative effect on millions of people.
If Trump was the best person the American people could elect as...
The people of America desperately needed Trump because the American political system is a circus.
There are many circus acts that bring fun, but a circus without a clown would be incomplete.
Perhaps most people would agree with the poet’s view that Trump is the best clown in the world.
Anyway, let us be serious about this matter, for it will have a negative effect on millions of people.
If Trump was the best person the American people could elect as...
#politics
#funny
39 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
"Unfolding The Jaded Leaves"
I
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
#funny
#satirical
35 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Funny Poetry
