My internal monologue is a jealous cunt

     
I threw a beer bottle across the bar    
   
so you threw me    
over your shoulder    
and parted the crowd    
as I strained to    
crawl down your back    
and beat the shit    
my personified    
insecurities    
   
You set me down    
in front of your    
car door,    
and leaned into me    
until I broke    
   
I broke    
     
and fell against you    
in helpless sobs    
that scared the shit out    
of both of us    
     
And I couldn't say what I meant    
so I choked out shit like    
Fuck that twat,    
Fuck them all    
and …    
     
you tilted my head    
with your thumb on my chin    
and made eye contact,    
and asked what’s wrong    
as I went weak    
     
baby...    
     
(inhale)    
     
I think every woman wants you    
you    
the way I want you    
   
and I can't say that    
     
can't say    
I’m convinced they    
see what I    
see.have.love.need    
and their pink little tongues    
dart out to    
moisten    
their sweet little    
mouths    
as they    
look    
at    
you    
     
and it makes me want to    
stab all 8 billion fuckers on    
this flaming blue space marble    
right in the forehead with the    
heel of a rage-red stiletto    
   
just to make sure they    
keep their    
fucking mouths    
on their side of the    
fucking street    
   
just. fucking. because.    
   
because    
     
I live for the way your lips    
feel like home;    
     
my home.    
   
and I've been homeless    
for so long that    
I see sinkholes and    
flash floods    
on good rock    
with clear skies    
   
but your lips are      
my sanctuary,    
and I hate how I imagine    
bitches pulling out    
tubes of      
‘looking to lease’ lipgloss    
in the hope you decide    
to rent this space out    
as an AirBNB    
or a Pay by the Hour Hotel    
     
And I can stand here all fucking day    
with a flamethrower and a    
muted guard dog,    
ready to    
barbecue any ass    
that throws itself your way    
     
but…    
     
(exhale)    
   
I think everyone wants you    
the way I want you    
     
So I’m enslaved    
by my own    
fear    
   
and I can't tell you that...    
   
that I am not    
enough    
   
I will never be enough    
could never be    
enough to    
be loved    
by    
someone    
as miraculous    
   
as you    
   
and I    
can't    
   
(inhale)    
   
But the bar crowd  
left us in a dark parking lot    
and I found my way    
to your lap    
in the driver’s seat    
of your car    
   
you put your    
arms around me,    
and I peeled my    
inadequacy over us    
like a smooth second skin    
when you peeled off my bra    
     
I sighed into your hands    
as they slid up my bare thighs    
and your mouth    
moved against    
the shadows in my mind    
as I begged you    
without words    
to shut the voice    
in my head up    
   
for just this moment    
   
and show me    
   
show me    
   
that you want me    
   
the way    
   
I    
   
want    
   
you