second hand slut (with Betty)

I’m on the toilet  
listening to your jizz  
plop out of me before  
you could bother to ask me  
if I got off  
 
It was 178 silent strokes  
from a mediocre man,  
and I cooed over you like  
size actually matters,  
as if being well hung makes you  
an interesting person  
let alone a good fuck  
 
Cause you fucked me like  
you'd preferred I was a corpse  
and while I tried to feel anything  
that tastes like passion  
 
you thought of her  
 
and how tonight her legs  
are wrapped around her boyfriend’s face  
as he makes her scream  
 
while you can barely make me moan  
 
and I wonder what the hell I was thinking  
when I chose booze and sadness  
as a good combination  
for a one-night stand  
 
But resentment took the pain away  
at least for the short time  
so there's that  
 
I lent you my body  
let you pump and dump  
after licking the outside  
of my left labia for  
six goddamn minutes  
while I fake moaned  
and made a to-do list  
(dishes, laundry, pick up dry-cleaning)  
so that I wouldn't think of her too  
 
so I that I wouldn't think of  
the way her legs will wrap  
around her boyfriend's face  
tonight  
instead of mine  
 
Because it's always been about her  
 
and I've tasted all of her  
my tongue in her mouth  
and between her thighs  
her fingernails marking  
bloody love trails across  
my back to remind me she'd  
been there  
she'd fucking been there  
 
and I wish I was the one  
still fucking her  
instead of her boyfriend  
instead of you  
 
but I'll take this degrading  
one night stand instead  
and wonder about the last time you showered  
and if her cum was still on your cock  
when you slipped it inside me  
 
tonight you took advantage of an  
out of your fucking league  
out of your realm  
out of your goddamn universe  
beautiful slut like me  
with angel lips and a cunt heart  
 
and I let you  
 
because her sweat    
was in your pores  
and if I could press  
my skin close enough  
maybe I could feel her love  
(again)  
 
under all of this  
lust and self  
loathing  
 
that has me chasing memories  
instead of self respect  
with a man that can't make me cum