deepundergroundpoetry.com
Maddening
As I sit in the driver's seat
Riding along back roads off of the beaten path
Among open fields and dense forests
Nature and life undisturbed
My mind begins to drift and my focus becomes
Peace
Quiet
Serenity
I wonder how I got so far from that
A journey that veered off course and a path never corrected
I contemplate veering this car off the road
Making contact with one of the trees and becoming one with nature
I don't
It frustrates me
It angers me
My mind shifts from serenity to aggravation
Not for the thoughts of ending my empty existence
I never question that
Why won't I do it?
That question eats at me
I have no answer and its
Maddening
Riding along back roads off of the beaten path
Among open fields and dense forests
Nature and life undisturbed
My mind begins to drift and my focus becomes
Peace
Quiet
Serenity
I wonder how I got so far from that
A journey that veered off course and a path never corrected
I contemplate veering this car off the road
Making contact with one of the trees and becoming one with nature
I don't
It frustrates me
It angers me
My mind shifts from serenity to aggravation
Not for the thoughts of ending my empty existence
I never question that
Why won't I do it?
That question eats at me
I have no answer and its
Maddening
Published 5th May 2024
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th May 2024 3:28pm
Your question is "why" didn't you do it? My question is. was the peace and serenity at that moment what you need to keep you on that road?
Sometimes what we need the most is peace.
Very though provoking. Nice piece Fia xoxo
Sometimes what we need the most is peace.
Very though provoking. Nice piece Fia xoxo
Peace and serenity are concepts to me. Something I somewhat visualize but never experience. The peace and serenity I saw in that moment was the stillness. No cares, no worries, no burdens, no expectations, no agendas, no regrets. To me, death personifies peace and serenity. This is where my frustration comes in. I know the path to my peace and serenity but I hold back. I am clinging to a life that offers nothing worth staying for.
5th May 2024 3:35pm
5th May 2024 4:19pm
I think Nature is against mechanic and metal existence; thats quite evident;, and that the car harmed the green peace of the tree....
A stroll in the open fields and dense forest made on foot, hiking or trekking would be of great benefit...so i understand that Nature is allergic to any harm that may be caused to her.....
Focus on peace and serenity inside boots in the open treading not in a car driving, there will be no veering for sure..
Your thoughts raise my attention to new things.....Happiness and serenity.
A stroll in the open fields and dense forest made on foot, hiking or trekking would be of great benefit...so i understand that Nature is allergic to any harm that may be caused to her.....
Focus on peace and serenity inside boots in the open treading not in a car driving, there will be no veering for sure..
Your thoughts raise my attention to new things.....Happiness and serenity.
5th May 2024 4:20pm
I'm glad that this inspired something in you. Thank you for reading and your feedback is greatly appreciated.
5th May 2024 4:12pm
Why?! Because you are a good gentle man …no need to stay mad.. good sad one again ..
5th May 2024 4:21pm
You give me far too much credit, Sam. I do appreciate your sentiments though. Thank you for the read and for taking the time to leave a comment.
5th May 2024 4:57pm
Ouch...I've been here before. Maddening indeed. If you find the answer, I'd be grateful if you'd share
5th May 2024 5:08pm
Sharing is caring. I got you.
Thanks for reading and dropping a comment.
Thanks for reading and dropping a comment.
5th May 2024 5:20pm
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏absolutely deep brutally emotional seeking to find answers to a meaningless existence 😢 is mind-boggling question?? This reminds me of the old school song 🎵 its been long long time coming!!
So tired of living but I'm afraid to die!! Maybe because we don't really know what's on the other side 🤔 If one we're to guess!!
Excellent 👌 ink spill 👏 please 🙏 keep 👏 on writing ✍ ok 👌 peace ✌ and blessings 🙏 always
So tired of living but I'm afraid to die!! Maybe because we don't really know what's on the other side 🤔 If one we're to guess!!
Excellent 👌 ink spill 👏 please 🙏 keep 👏 on writing ✍ ok 👌 peace ✌ and blessings 🙏 always
5th May 2024 5:27pm
5th May 2024 7:57pm
Really enjoyed this... the single lines sustain the flow... the stream of consciousness feel to the poem... I can so relate to the speaker... to the frustration...
5th May 2024 8:19pm
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Jan 2025 8:45am
5th May 2024 8:28pm
<< post removed >>
5th May 2024 8:39pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Nov 2024 6:45pm
6th May 2024 1:34am
<< post removed >>
6th May 2024 1:40am
No light exists here, I'm afraid. You are right. The darkness has consumed it. The battle has been lost. I accept that. Now it is my duty to prevent any more collateral damage. Something that I should have been vigilant about long ago. To many have suffered at the expense of the hunger within the darkness for light to feed upon. Light like you.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Nov 2024 6:45pm
6th May 2024 1:49am
<< post removed >>
6th May 2024 1:54am
6th May 2024 1:46am
Hey man, glad you're here.
Those drives to nowhere with the crazy intrusive thoughts are really bitches.
Nature is a jealous cunt, and she'd be pissed at your oil leaking into the ground water and your antifreeze jacking up the fluffy bunnies and shit, so you'd end up haunting a gas station bathroom as penance. And not a nice one. Not like a Buccee's. I'm talking about the type with lot lizards wearing knee pads in the cess of shit and jizz.
Your reflections in this, all gas station bathroom aside, are so fucking human. It's just a relatable piece, told with no subterfuge. It's really a great piece.
Neat stuff.
Those drives to nowhere with the crazy intrusive thoughts are really bitches.
Nature is a jealous cunt, and she'd be pissed at your oil leaking into the ground water and your antifreeze jacking up the fluffy bunnies and shit, so you'd end up haunting a gas station bathroom as penance. And not a nice one. Not like a Buccee's. I'm talking about the type with lot lizards wearing knee pads in the cess of shit and jizz.
Your reflections in this, all gas station bathroom aside, are so fucking human. It's just a relatable piece, told with no subterfuge. It's really a great piece.
Neat stuff.
6th May 2024 1:52am
Thank you for this comment. Seriously. That actually made me laugh and feel human for a moment. I really appreciate that. 🙏
6th May 2024 9:37am
Sometimes I think intrusive thoughts come to remind us of what we don't want. They're never fun, and they're almost always bad for us. They are however part of the human experience, to see both sides, the beauty of the moment, and the potential for violence within it.
6th May 2024 2:53pm
This is some very thoughtful insight. I really appreciated reading this. Thank you for commenting.
7th May 2024 2:31am
In my experience, the reason behind "why won't I do it?" is because you don't really want to end it. You just want the thing that is causing you trouble or pain to stop. Well, supposedly upon death everything stops. Unless you believe in heaven and hell, then well, depending on where you go, that could be another whole slew of problems.
It used to be maddening for me, but now that I understand myself and why I feel what I feel, I'm practicing to be okay with it. I know I'll always think this way but you know what, it's how I handle the thoughts is what matters. At least I think.
LJ
It used to be maddening for me, but now that I understand myself and why I feel what I feel, I'm practicing to be okay with it. I know I'll always think this way but you know what, it's how I handle the thoughts is what matters. At least I think.
LJ
Very insightful. The closest reason I have ever been able to come up with is a fear that whatever comes after this could be worse. Fuck that scares me. This life is bad enough. Couldnt imagine having to deal with worse. If I knew there was just nothing. That you just fully ceased, I believe I wouldnt be here anymore. Idk...ive pondered this a lot and its the only thing Ive ever come up with. I certainly dont have hope or dreams or wishes for better things. I gave up on that long ago. That is not a driving force in why I wont just end it.
