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A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
“The kid drops his bucket and spade / And climbs into the sun.” Nick Cave
Sea-ice shoals are spooned
Into surrogate vessels of feeling,
Tidal grief has sunk emotions
Girl at the point where the pier once lay
Could be disturbed moments away from
Sleeping with the fishes
I turn my back on the portentous vision
And paint the sky red with seagull blood
As diamonds plucked from expensive watches
Temporal is the temptation to crush auld crystal,
Tougher than slate, finger bone br/e/aker
They’d look beautiful abreast skin
Walking home in my Father’s shoes
Tender tango with kerbed shadows,
Fleeting houses are simple punctuation,
In exclamation, ice melts in my pocket
Sea-ice shoals are spooned
Into surrogate vessels of feeling,
Tidal grief has sunk emotions
Girl at the point where the pier once lay
Could be disturbed moments away from
Sleeping with the fishes
I turn my back on the portentous vision
And paint the sky red with seagull blood
As diamonds plucked from expensive watches
Temporal is the temptation to crush auld crystal,
Tougher than slate, finger bone br/e/aker
They’d look beautiful abreast skin
Walking home in my Father’s shoes
Tender tango with kerbed shadows,
Fleeting houses are simple punctuation,
In exclamation, ice melts in my pocket
Author's Note
ERULGCT 171. Witnessed the rare phenomena of sea ice today. The human race doesn't deserve all this natural beauty.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
11th Dec 2022 11:04pm
Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 10:10am
Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
11th Dec 2022 11:18pm
There’s a strong sense sense of cold and violent beauty here, the gorgeousness in the sheerness of nature. I think it would be improved by making it all lowercase, removing all punctuation, and placing the lines to the left as opposed to the centre of the page, but that might just be me.
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Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 10:12am
Many thanks. I should really edit this thing and your comments make sense. It's not a strong poem, just wished to share the essence of the sea-ice on the day it was encountered.Irish Sea usually churns out sewage, so it seemed to be an epiphany of sorts.
Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 10:29am
Walking home in my father's shoes jumps out at me.
I keep coming back to that line.
My father taught me a lot about both the power and curse of silence.
Jury still out on the phenomena....
Float and reverence here Rob
BIG LIKE
I keep coming back to that line.
My father taught me a lot about both the power and curse of silence.
Jury still out on the phenomena....
Float and reverence here Rob
BIG LIKE
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Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 11:10am
Many thanks PS. Pleased that line resonated, as it’s central to the whole piece. Me Dad was a strong, but very gentle & kind man. He taught me about respect and, bizarrely, how to box (both have proved very useful – lol). Tis that time of year when memory burns, I guess.
Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 11:44am
Hoi hoi
I was actually still struggling to understand the raw beauty of the poem, when I read your note.
I do agree that we don’t deserve these larger than we phenomenal things. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy to the max when it’s given to us?
Overhere we get the warm Gulf Stream from Mexico, so it’s highly unlikely that it will free over.
I bum a ride with you instead.
Thank you!
Kind regards, Gus
I was actually still struggling to understand the raw beauty of the poem, when I read your note.
I do agree that we don’t deserve these larger than we phenomenal things. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy to the max when it’s given to us?
Overhere we get the warm Gulf Stream from Mexico, so it’s highly unlikely that it will free over.
I bum a ride with you instead.
Thank you!
Kind regards, Gus
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Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 1:28pm
Many thanks Gus. You never fail to make me smile.
I saw Morrissey in Rotterdam in 2009. That is one mad City. Last thing I truly remember of those couple of days was the plane landing in the Netherlands.
I saw Morrissey in Rotterdam in 2009. That is one mad City. Last thing I truly remember of those couple of days was the plane landing in the Netherlands.
Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 2:39pm
As I've been reading this over and focusing on the particular images you provide, I feel like there's a sense of the inherent awe and violence of nature throughout. The girl perhaps a discarded corpse, bobbing driftwood against the shore, the spray of blood, nature is always simultaneously mother and destroyer, captured in the many armed Shiva avatar.
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Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 3:52pm
Many thanks DC. As stated above, don't think this is too strong a poem. Very much first draft territory.
There was a teenage girl staring out to sea. She may have been meditating or listening to music on headphones. There was something earlier 'A Girl in a Yellow Dress' which captured an early memory from the same stretch of that beach. A young child trying to be resuscitated amongst a flock of tourists. What always stayed in my mind was the blue ambulance light just whirling in complete silence, against the soundtrack of a seaside town.
There was a teenage girl staring out to sea. She may have been meditating or listening to music on headphones. There was something earlier 'A Girl in a Yellow Dress' which captured an early memory from the same stretch of that beach. A young child trying to be resuscitated amongst a flock of tourists. What always stayed in my mind was the blue ambulance light just whirling in complete silence, against the soundtrack of a seaside town.
Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 5:13pm
Anonymous
- Edited 29th May 2023 7:45am
12th Dec 2022 3:37pm
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Re: Re. A Sudden Sluice of Sea-Ice
12th Dec 2022 3:54pm
Truly appreciated R, particularly as you have such an innate intimacy with the ocean.