bad blood in me

They used to joke that our family is cursed
That none of us will ever be truly happy or healthy
I used to swing back and forth wildly
Between believing and not believing this
But sometimes you can't deny patterns
Maybe we're cursed because we believe it
But there are moments where I'm in the hospital
Watching another needle slide into my vein
And knowing that if my body had...
Just a slightly different dna variation
If I didn't come from the blood lines I have
A different great grand parent or even a different parent
I wouldn't be here sick as a dog begging to be put down
That my belief spikes to the heights of spirituality offers
This morning I lay in a bath crying
As my fingers run over the colors from the shots
The greens, yellows and blues marking my skin
With the black scabs that mark the center of each cluster
I sometimes wonder that if we are in fact cursed
Who could have done it? Who started this domino effect
What monster in my blood line fucked up that badly
That all their descendants were sunken down with them?
Was it worth the blood of innocence?
Could you even consider me an innocent...
If I were to meet them could they just tell me why...