Interview with a Leaf Mantis

 
David: I’m David Attenborough
and today we will be conducting  
an interview with a Leaf Mantis
 
Leaf Mantis: Thank you for having me
By the way, I loved you in Star Wars
 
David: That was Sir Alec Guinness

Leaf Mantis: Oh, Sorry
I loved you in Bridge On The River Kwai
 
David: That was a young Alec Guinness
And he passed away some time ago
 
Leaf Mantis: My condolences
 
David: We were not related
 
Leaf Mantis: Oh, but I loved you in Jurassic Park
 
David: That was my brother Richard
 
Leaf Mantis: The Great Escape?
 
David: That was also my brother Richard
When he was young and he’s passed away too
 
Leaf Mantis: I must get my five eyes checked
My condolences
 
David: Thank you  
 
Leaf Mantis: So where do I know you from?
 
David: Well, I have done dozens of documentaries
on nature and the planet. I studied Natural Sciences
At Cambridge and have travelled the world to meet
creatures like you. But this interview is about you
and your interesting species.
 
Leaf Mantis (blushing): Oh Geez, thanks Mr. Attenborough
What would you like to know?
 
David: Well, I think our viewers would be curious
in knowing in what goes on in the daily life of a Leaf Mantis
 
Leaf Mantis: So you want me to tell you about my life?
 
David: Yes, that is what I do, I collect the stories of
the animal kingdom and they are shown on the BBC
 
Leaf Mantis: I think you’ll need a lot of video tape
 
David: We do everything digital now so we have
plenty of recording material so that’s not a problem
 
Leaf Mantis: You followed me to this tree
 
David: I supposed we did, the camera crew saw you
and we thought you were interesting,
is this tree where you live?
 
Leaf Mantis: No, it’s just a tree
But I was waiting for you on this tree
I was watching you watching me
Then you began to speak
 
David: Well lucky for me
 
Leaf Mantis: Perhaps lucky for both of us
 
David: You said you were waiting for me
Wait, are you? Did we just recite the lines to
Interview with a Vampire?
 
Leaf Mantis: Haha, you caught me David
I was just messing with you
 
David: So Mantises have a sense of humor
 
Leaf Mantis: Yes David, we do
But what I said about me waiting for you
in the tree, it’s really true
This green camouflage let’s me hide  
amidst the plants to catch my prey
 
David: Fascinating
 
Leaf Mantis: But I just like to chill and wait
Watch the other insects pass and fly by
because most of the time they don’t notice me
but that’s OK, because I got me a date  
 
David: A Date?
 
Leaf Mantis: Yeah. See I don’t really get out much
but I heard there is this girl mantis
who lives a couple of trees from here
I heard the girl is a freak
So I can’t wait to go out with her later today
 
David: But…
 
Leaf Mantis: Yeah, she got that butt too you know
a couple of my other friends went out with her
but I haven’t seen them in a while
so, it just means there’s more of me for her
If you know what I’m sayin’
 
David: Yes, however…
 
Leaf Mantis: Look David, I know that the life-span
of you humans is like eternal compared to us Mantises
but this girl Mantis is like hot to trot and I can’t wait
so, I’ma cut this interview short but thank you for stopping by
Just let me know when your BBC special airs  
so I can watch myself
maybe you can even record me in action
If you know what I’m sayin’
Talk to ya’ll later
Peace!
 
David (to his crew): Someone should tell him
 
David (to the camera): This has been  
An Interview with a Leaf Mantis
for A Perfect Planet, I’m David Attenborough
Good Night