Pull yourself together

A voice in my head says "Pull yourself together, all this can pass.
The fact that you are here does not mean that you are to blame for this."
But no matter how deep I hide in a trench
He is like a hunter, a driven ox, always next to me,
this is definitely not God
I seem to be cursed. His screams are heard through the windows
In his whirlpool I will be stuck up to my ears,
it will wash me there with a burst of sweat
He hides in my mind, in the darkest depths,
without light, without a bottom
And comes to me at night to talk about everything,
leaving me without sleep

Life passes in a moment
We collect piles of grievances
I, hike,
In the abode of harmful thoughts and eternal prayers
It cannot be defeated
He is like a divine way that is inscrutable
And there is an abyss inside me that will gap
There is a big snake wrapped around all fears
Maybe later I will understand that my world is so gloomy because of me
Maybe my spirit is extinguished while my mind is so weak and feeble,
but I'm looking for light
Yes! This is true, and I know it myself, but for now I have nowhere to go
I'm here alone with him, and all I can hear is the beating of my heart

Anxiety. He stalks me relentlessly...

I know that there is no reason, but I always beat myself with whips
I know that I am not alone, we surround ourselves with people
I know that this is a protective fence, a way to get away from worries sometimes
After all, I'm afraid to be alone with myself
And I constantly hammer my head
How can I free myself from creative hunger
From the cold and fear of living in chains?
And I, like an Ouroboros, devour myself
This is a vicious circle
I step on thin ice without looking
It becomes thinner, I can already hear a crunch
If I suddenly stumble, it will sink to the bottom

What about my Mom?
What about my relationship?
What if I'm not successful?
What if I'm unworthy?
What if I'm not nice?
What if there is more?
What about the things I won't mention?
What if I cannot keep doing all this?
While he is near, I will run, not knowing fatigue
While he is near, I remember that I am always unhappy with myself
I cannot overcome him
But I will keep fighting with him...