REMEMBERING WORK  (9-2-89, San Diego, California)

after work
i sat at
the bus stop
alone
with my thoughts
and the
surrounding expanse
of its suddenly
great outdoors
view
after being
entombed indoors
in tight
cubistic
flourescent space
all day
until finally
out through
its clinging doors
back out into
the breathtaking
freedom
of a boundless
light filled
sky above
yet with
the pent up
stress
of my
wound up nerves
still crawling
all over me
like ants
disturbed
from their violated
mound
looking for
some intruder
to sting
but with me
the only one
there
even though
there was no
present intrusion
for the
prolonged intrusion
had already
passed
through my
temporarily released
energy depleted
physical beings
terrain
with the torturous
clock
now replaced
by only this
late summer evenings
loving gaze
and sweet embrace
suddenly hovering
over me
looking up into
this vast
lucid bowl
of blue sky
covering me
i marveled at
the glowing
fat filament bodies
of evenly spaced
giant
animal cracker
shaped clouds
moving slowly across
our living earths
great
diaphanous lense
in migrating  
ethereal herds
slow motioned
and golden
soon ember edged
burning
as if ready
to burst
into flames
such a truly
glorious sight
but also sad
in a way
as i realized
this day
had fiesta d away
without me today
as inside
under all those
prana draining
flourescent lights
i quirked
in sync
with clock hands
race
with computer screens
and numbered
routines
lost in the
trivial depletion
of their
redundantly measured
linearly oriented
relative oblivion
now cast off
shed here
outside again
at the end
of yet
another fractured
one way
blurry
mirrored day
like an emptied
worn out skin
i peel that
part
of me away
transparent
as a ghost
and drained
left here feeling
like used up
trash
blown out
into these
frantic streets
known by
no one
misunderstood
ignored by all
with whatever
content
of myself
left over
not used up
still yet somehow
soiled
and spoiled
old and growing
mold
gradually decomposing
unseen
from within
even now
here underneath
the face
and nose
of so much
pure  raw
natural grace
and flowing beauty
soul yearning
to be renewed
longing
to be whole
again
while recognizing
that i too
am a burning
filament
of eternally
though mostly
still unseen
divine  radiant
light
vainly striving
to amplify
all the wondrous
forgotten glory
thats still yet
in me
electrocuting me
so deeply
at times
into what little
access remains
within and beyond
my long
suppressed
subconscious memories
and cellular
memories alike
somehow back towards
some quickened
recollection
of my truest
innermost bliss
to reflect
to me here
in this
shattered mirror
of my spontaneous
retrospective spill
or at least
in occasional
equally broken glimpses
of and into
this  
my brief
and present nows
vaguely distant
remembering
of how it
once all was
and that
it all
still really is
somewhere
long hidden
buried at
the very core
of my
still longing
being
beyond all my
historical
collective  unconscious
accumulative
self obstruction
leaving me
still sitting here
alone
at this static
limbo like
bus stop
stunned in
some numbing
post eight hour
work shift
late afternoon
residual stupor
of feeling
so futiley stuck
despite my
inwardly reflecting
reflectively upon
just where
the hell
do i
in my truth
fit in
to this misersble
illusory
temporal
human scheme
of things
seemingly forever
looking
and seeking
but never truly
ever finding
for long
a more comfortable
satisfying niche
where i feel
i too belong
that honors
my truth
recognizes my gifts
sustains myself
reveals
my true purpose
and fulfills
my path
that benefits myself
as well
as others
all life
and nature too
free at last
from this
agonizingly tedious
stagnancy
of feeling
of perpetual crippling
of feeling
so seemingly
never endingly
lost
somewhere
betwixt  
within or beyond
true life
and natures
forever beckoning
illumined call
yet even further
beyond
all the soulless
hostile others
taking
their relentless
perpetual
forever taking
which is the
systemically
toxic blood flowing
the increasingly
poisoning
and killing
human machine
whose unconscionable
self blinded
egoic malignancy
still seems
to intractably be
so hopelessly
lost
and stuck itself
as an unholy
cancerous whole
here at
the very
teetering brink
at this truly
tragic cusp
of the heartbreaking
irreversable
end
of
it all
while still
here i sit
waiting numbly
adrift
lost in such
visions
while waiting
for my bus
caught up
surrendered
reflectively to
within
and between
these two
paradoxically
divergent worlds
i live in
cope with
move through
hope
transcend
and dream
my each
and every intuitive
shamanic step
through
a part of
and yet
apart
all along
and throughout
my lifes
mysterious
long  epic journeys
ever unfolding
experientially learning
hopefully fruitful
transcendantly
neutral
yet still nonetheless
illusory
and temporal
mystical
way