Wading Within

Finding myself.
where to begin?
I feel like a dog chasing my tail
because once I catch up to myself
I only feel a tinge of pain
coming from the end of the timeline
this life has deranged.
And who can I blame?
The world for telling me I need to
figure out what came first
my personality or my name
and I am only what experiences led me to be
and those experiences have never set me free
from being me.
I’m tired of chasing after a person
who doesn’t exist
trying to mould myself into a sculpture
I’ve only seen a glimpse of
only to fail and cut way to deep
and remove a chuck of myself
to be ‘free’
but I’ve realised that I’m my own enemy
and has cliche as that sounds
i look back and only see the blackness
that my soul has seeped
the poison my mind has succumbed to
the lies my mouth has recited
to cover up a lost and hopeless
girl who’s life is unknown to even her.
I’ve realised the only thing I’ve excelled in
since then is being broken.
I have an excellent talent of losing myself
in deception and delusions
my mind has revised and reproduced
telling my soul it’s the truth
diluting the fragile use of my
conscience tells me what not to do.
'What’s the worse that could go wrong?'
my intellect debates
with a soul so mislead and passive
she does not bother to partake
in the war of morality
and will it be my fate
to always be blindfolded
to the soul I possess
To always be without
a steady personality