I'm sorry again

I left them in my past
only to want to come back when I thought I was ready
but only to find out
they were already far too gone for me to grab their hand and pull them back into my life.

I sprinted to my future
and when I tripped over my own feet
I expected for them to be there to help me get back up again
but the night was dark and I couldn’t see anyone I knew around me.
All I saw was mirage on the far distance as the day continued on.
Illusions of my own making.
I was seeing and feelings things that weren’t there.
I felt abandoned, although I was the one that ran.
I felt betrayed, even though I was the one that turned my back on the people that loved me.
I was seeing them not crumble up like I did,
but I now remember them telling me they were used to people leaving their lives without saying goodbye… just like I did.
I was now part of the list of the people that said they were different but we all had that one thing in common.

We left.

I am the moon and the ocean used to be part of me.
But I turned my back and the ocean fell into the world.
And I roar.
Making the waves wild and strong so they can hit whatever is in their way
so they can make a wave.
So I can attempt to touch the ocean again.