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Natalie 2.0

 
God damned love songs and the feelings they bring with them
So here I welcome you to the love life of a hormonal teenager
What is it about other’s affection towards us that makes us feel bubbly and like we can be forever happy?

I have come across infidelity on a hand on hand bases. I have also suffered from it like I suffer from second hand smoke. But that is not it. What is intimate now a days?

A man I once knew told me his story and I learned of his life as I let him into mine.

I recently asked him who he loves more. Me, an EIGHTEEN year old ‘woman’ or his wife. lol
He told me he didn’t know how to answer that question

I slept with this wonderful wonderful married man. Don’t worry… he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. Not that it lasted long, but for my piece of cake.. It was good.

I knew what I was getting myself into. Not that I actually knew, but I surely pretended to just for the fuck of it because I was convinced that I loved him. Heaven knows I’m going to hell for all my sins.

He has two children and a third on the way. Incredible I think, also the way he kept that third child hidden from me because he was afraid of the way I was going to react. Bad. That’s how.

My father cheated on my sweet sweet mother. I hated him for leaving us for a while, but when he came back to my mother, my brother, & I we all forgave him. I have been cheated on quite some times. I thought it was normal. & now I help cheaters cheat. I guess it’s in my genes

I saw infidelity like a normal part of life
Like something we have to put up with
Something very fun at times
Adrenaline

I am a walking contradiction
People around me come to me for love advice which in my opinion is fucking ironic because my love life is high as shit. Seeing things that aren’t there and thinking too much. Going a little crazy..

They tell me that their loved one cheated on them and I go on a rampage telling them they deserve better. To leave their ass and move on because love is fake and it’s a fantasy that we bound ourselves to because we think that is the ultimate level of happiness.
I think people do not deserve a second chance after they have cheated on “the one they love”
Except my dad. We forgive you dad

But then I go and sleep with a married man. NOT TO WORRY. I was single.
But if I cheat on someone I expect them to give me a second chance if they truly do love me.
Mother fucking hypocrite.

I hate cheaters.
But I also am one.

So here I am… at four almost five in the morning typing my thoughts away because this nags me and doesn’t let me go to sleep.

I took a thirty minute nap today after being awake for forty eight hours straight.
I was laying there and I was relaxed but my mind was irritated, frustrated, furious.
I was screaming in my mind to the person that I realize now has hurt me the most throughout all my life. I have never felt as mad as I did that time. It was a terrible place in my mind.

I am writing about infidelity and “love” and all that plain out bullshit.
I have come to the conclusion that I can be like this for the rest of my life but I prefer to talk shit to those people and not be a walking contradiction.

Hopelessness and romanticism DO NOT go hand in hand
Bunch of stupid fairy tales
My fairy finally killed herself

I hate cheaters and I finally killed the part of myself that was one
Infidelity hurts people
Even the single ones like me that slept with “compromised” people

I gave all the right pieces of me to all the wrong people
I had my heart broken and put it back together just so the next person would do the same.

So now my list has another person added on it because they are now part of the group of people that said they were different but fucked me up all over again.

All in all, I am letting go



naathalie___
Written by naathalie___ (moongirl)
Published
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