"Cheers"

  If frogs had wings
they wouldn't bump their ass

If guys had quick tongues
on which every meal depended *bow to the frog*
Ladies would line up

If the bird of courage is the Eagle
The bird of wisdom is the Owl
And the bird of love is the Turtle Dove
Then the bird of 'true' love must be the Swallow

If you ever see the Easter Bunny hiding eggs, let me know
He's too ashamed to be seen
He fucks chickens for gods sake

If all girls were like squirrels
they'd enjoy nuts in their mouth

If paper were ink and ink were paper
A damn fine mess
And, no books

If Eve were orally gifted
you wouldn't be seeing this
Think about it

If my aunt had a cock
she'd be my uncle
or the proud owner of a rooster

If my uncle had a hard cock
he'd still be married
or have a frozen Foghorn Leghorn

If sperm could communicate
they would say, 'WTF'

If cows could fly
think of the shit
falling from the sky

If your bedroom had ears
what, pray tell, would it hear
Anything

If one muffin baking said,
'Holy shit, it's hot in here'
Another in the oven may reply,
'Holy shit, a talking muffin'

If you really believe you're funny
but you're positively not
Accept it
You're gonna die lonely

If you don't believe sticking your finger
up the ass of a friend will make them vomit
Just wait 'til you stick that finger in their mouth

If you think you're gods gift
but behave like an ass
and still wonder why you're single
Wake the fuck up

If men had to give birth
We would be extinct
Sissies regarding pain

If you wish someone to be tougher
say, 'Grow a pussy'
Those things can take a pounding
Don't say, 'Grow a pair'
Testicles are fragile, frickin' weak

If you're afraid monsters
hide under your bed
Saw off the damn legs

If a woman is ugly she still has chances
Makeup, makeovers, push-ups
An ugly man has no chance, uh
unless he's well funded or hung

If you think being broke is the worst
Try being broke, dumb, ugly and sick

If you think you can play Uno with illegals
Think again
They steal all of the green cards

If you say, 'There is not a prejudice bone in my body'
Liar
There is a specific brand of car, food, drink, condoms
electronics, makeup or whatever that you ALWAYS buy
We're all prejudice

If you hate it when others say,
'Money isn't everything'
Tell them, 'No, it's more like oxygen
Try not having any'

If you think wine is fine
or brandy is dandy
Screw that
Liquor is quicker

If you're hung like a horse
Don't be surprised if your
date says, 'Nay, nay'

If you don't believe lesbians use Viagra
Wrong
They put it under their tongue

If my nose was running money
I'd blow it all on you
For real

If you think my real handle is VegasPoet
Ask some gals who know
They call me Jack Daniels
A hard licker

If you consider none of this amusing
Enjoy your miserable, lonely existence

Cheers