mental illness

do you have a mental illness?

tell me about it..

no judging here..

two weeks new or old write..

example*

Schizophrenia

The agitation, anxiety a combustable thing
All these voices clamouring in my brain.
 
Seeing coded messages in every word
The t.v people talking to me, I obess though I know this is absurd.
 
Flipping off the cameras, i'm sure are planted in my place
Begging and pleading with them to reveal themselves or get out of my space.
 
To venture in public, a terrifying idea
Wondering which friendly smile is a demon in disguise,
So back to my house I run and hide.
 
Taking my meds hoping this one will be my magic pill
Hoping finally, one of them will make my voices still.
 
The agitation growing out of control
Friends and family turned into demons, come to steal my soul.
 
Off to to the hospital dragged in chains
Terrified they are aliens come to pick my brain.
 
Drugged to the point i'm running into walls
Locked in a cell, no parole, no escape
When from this nightmare will I finally awake?
 
Afraid one day my family will give up on me
Alone on the streets screaming at the sky
Would be my end.
 
Schizophrenia, what a hand to be dealt
I'm grateful to my family, on me they haven't bailed out.
 
They calm and comfort me, no matter how ill
Crazy as can be they love me still.
 
I will find a way to learn on this journey, this trip
I won't let darkness, take me in it's grip.
 
I will learn to fly with my broken wings
Learn to make schizophrenia work for me.

Of course I'm mentally ill.  I'm a poet!

Count me in.

thank you Snuggle :)

THIS IS CRAZY
(a sonnet paring)

i) Dysthymia

Dysthymia becomes their chosen name,
That name that now contains all hope for me.
For with that name my life won’t be the same,
Those years the voices could not let me be.

Imagine this, you’re riding on a bus,
The pair behind you simply will not stop,
They yell, they rage, they curse as they discuss
Your life with every word these two co-op.

You try for the whole trip to block it out,
But no amount of drugs or food or sex
Will stop them putting every move in doubt.
With every answer’s fail, more life infects.

I like “disorder” better than “insane,”
It holds there’s treatment for my fractured brain.  


ii) Citalopram

My frien-emies have finally gone away
The screed inside my head has finally ceased
For you what seems to be a normal day,
For me is like from Hell’s torment released.

I can’t remember when they were not there
To tell me that I’m fat, I’m strange, I’m wrong.
Debating every fail to show they care,
And showing everywhere I don’t belong.

With half of one small pill that simply shows
I’m only sick, I’m not the broken one.
That I don’t have to suffer future blows,
Or hear “no one would care if you were gone.”

I close my eyes to hear my silent mind.
A sound my thoughts could never hope to find.

Author’s Note:  From my experience of being diagnosed with long term depression and taking an antidepressant for the first time and finally being alone in my own head…

Count me in.


What should I wear,
Fucking hell!
Do my Jeans have a tear?
Am I pretty enough?
Do they see the cuts?
Fuck.
Do they see the circles under my eyes,
This Anxious World,
It kills me inside,
My Anxiety is like a knife,
Or a big Fly,
That's always Flying around,
Do they hate us?
Are we happy enough?
We'll be late,
Hurry up!
We'll miss the bus,
Let's go!
Time's almost up!
We're Anxious all the time,
And It's almost like a bright sign,
It'll always be there,
And It's not fucking fair.
Hurry up!
We'll be late!
Do they hate us?
What should we do?
What will break us in two..
We'll be late,
Late for our Anxious Fate.

I've got BPD. I'll think about a poem to write.
Hopefully there's no fakes in here.

thank you for your entries..

russiamagda said:I've got BPD. I'll think about a poem to write.
Hopefully there's no fakes in here.

I'm trusting people will keep it real I look forward to your entry..

http://i1317.photobucket.com/albums/t623/curlycue23/pnic.gif

ANXIETY

I’m about to give up
I’m going to pass out
I’m falling into a vortex
I’m overwhelmed by doubt

Night sweats I’m bathed
Insomnia my body incased
Rapid chest palpitations
Restless legs plagued

Butterflies in my guts,
I’ve got a swollen tongue
Nausea stomach cramps
I’m going to barf on someone

Heart pounding, knees shaking
I’m having trouble breathing
I’m losing control, panic attack
I’m hyper hyperventilating

I’m going crazy
I’m letting go
Like something catastrophic
Is going to swallow me whole

Is this anxiety or am I dying?
Please Doctor give me something

disconnected thoughts ~ [//in the guise of a poem {xiv}//]

    years congealed
    on white tiles
    beneath torn nails
    & shredded skin,

            the world wouldn't stop
            smelling of
            freshly struck matches
            & scorched persimmon fruit,

                        tobacco
                        still fresh on my tongue
                        clinging
                        like a stale kiss
                 
     ~ couldn't claw my way
                        back to reality ~

         ... digging
             through my flesh
             just like he did

                      wondering if stains
                      could be washed from blood ...
                             ***
                         with unseeing eyes
                         i watched it all
                         liquesce
                       
         even the clots
        broke down to atoms
        around the drain

           ~ a hypnotic pantomime
                   for catatonic ~
                       
                        little spoilt lumps
                        rinsed from my chin
                       {you wouldn't understand
                        the compulsion}    
                                 //
note: on ptsd that led to a psychotic break a few years ago

crimsin is this you ? ......

thank you Snuggle, Katja and Todski for some deep entries..

Devilish said:crimsin is this you ? ......

yes lovely lady it's me