mental illness

OMG beautiful hello there oh how i love and miss you ........ My sweet sinister seductress so seamlessly soft and perfect ............... How are you ...

Devilish said:OMG beautiful hello there oh how i love and miss you ........ My sweet sinister seductress so seamlessly soft and perfect ............... How are you ...

hello beautiful lady of Darkness i'll message you

(Depression / Substance Abuse)

Suicide Street

On the streets of Chicago, as I write
a desperate junkie gives up the fight
He sprays his brains against the wall
of an abandoned home’s upstairs hall

A teenage girl shoots her first rig of dope
because her parents never taught her to cope
She finds the relief that she’s always sought
Her biggest concern is not getting caught

She wakes the next morning and reads the news
about a junkie in Chi-Town who cured his blues
She thinks he’s a coward and can’t understand
why someone would execute such a dark plan

Twenty years later she’s found lying in the street
with semen in her stomach and tracks on her feet
Half her face is gone and a pistol by her side
Another victim of addiction who couldn’t stop the ride

*I actually logged in here on DU for the first time in forever to get some feedback on this particular poem that will be going in my third book of short stories and poems. I'd like some opinions on the last line and whether I should change "couldn't" to "chose to" but please don't clog up Crimsin's comp thread; just shoot me a message. Thanks.

-Gemini

thank you Gemini for a real entry..

You're welcome, dear. It appears that five or six others have posted as well though.

Gemini said:You're welcome, dear. It appears that five or six others have posted as well though.

thank you Gemini just catching up on my reads now

anxiety//

my leg shakes
the table, i suddenly can't breathe,
it could be overreacting,
but i just call it company.
ribs constricting, lungs
fist sized, i try not
to think, or ask questions
that start with 'why',
it gets out of hand quickly,-

someone starts laughing
and i can't help wonder if it's about me,
and if there is something on my face,
and if i've made some sort of mistake -
perhaps-

she told me to c a l m  d o w n,
told me the crowd wasn't that loud,
told me that she was my friend and
that i shouldn't always be so
n   e  r  v o  u s
all the time

i told her we can't hold hands
that way, because it's harder
to escape, and she looked
at me in that way that makes
me want to crawl into a shell and
hide forever

all those awkward conversations
and uncomfortable silences,
all those boyfriends and girlfriends
and school presentations,
all those first days.

i play the piano with my fingers
on the table, keeping time with my foot,
focusing on my breathing, counting
slowly
1 2 3  4 ...

they say
"goddamnit,
sit still."

Depression

It started when Mother and Father started to fight,
Every day was another good old' fake smile,
First it was the crying,
Then the fake smiling,
Then it was nothing at all,
My depression was like a wild fire,
The more I tried to fight,
The more I felt so fucking tired,
Everyone would ask what was wrong,
And I told them, With a fake smile,
"Nothing at all."
I haven't been okay,
For the longest time,
Everyone would laugh and Joke,
But depression is a killer,
And I'm glad,
That I've lasted to this day,
Everyone would laugh and Joke,
But when I went home at Night,
I'd cry and Choke,
I'd scream and cry,
And for hours,
I'd wait for the pain to subside,
But It never came,
And Jesus Christ,
The pain,
Depression is my killer,
And at night I can't breathe,
Because my depression seems to be killing me.

thank you both for the real, very moving entries..

all of you are going to make judging this real tough..

we're all winners though getting through this thing called life..

This will be the first thing i've written in months i've yet to have the motivation or place to release and here i am on your thread touching a subject i have never touched on ... Let's see what how it comes out and is delivered ... For you beautiful ...................       **  digs inside my mind ** ....

Let's call this one ....
........  "I'm just within reach" .......


My mind is playing 'tricks on me'
.. "says" ...

Shhhhhhh... insanity is a secret
But it's so pretty

Call it 'vanity . i breathe it'

And when it gets cold?
The demons bring a canopy . . it's heated
N If this were a test? ... i'd a cheated

Racing thoughts come in first
.. "achievements"

I'm a fucking "Delinquent"
But am i 'the least bit' different
From these social sadists
... "distinctive" ....

Meaning "I'm not hard to spot"
N "ive got bars to drop"


Yet i'm coming apart at the top

Fuck it .... Take it off
.. Anotha sip as i slip
into

Something less comfortable
Like
. This bottle .

Cause for the liquor?
I'm Fiendish ..


Klonopin is callin ... Hello?
I'm just within reach baby .. Cause "I'm Needed" ..

.
.
.
Devilish ....

thank you Lady Of Darkness Devilish I feel you..

Entry removed

thank you for a heart touching entry..

I don't suffer from it but my Father has Bipolar disorder nobody tells the story of children who are raised by mentally ill parents so heres my entry

Purgatory, Long Poem to Heaven

They say Purgatory
is the space between
heaven and hell
so is it purgatory
when a son tries to get to heaven
while
his father is going through hell

I am perplexed
Why So little Good happens around me
While I remain a Good person

I am perplexed
Am I of little Faith
Am I of Great faith

I don't know
All I know is that
I have so many ups and downs
So many factors
I sometimes wonder
If I am truly me
If I am comfortable with me

Have you ever looked outside a window
And wondered why you are feeling the breeze from the inside

Am I ashamed
Why am I Sane
Yet I was raised
By insanity

Why Am I a saint
Who has been raised by sinners
Now I find sin creeping up my spine
That way I keep my hands clean

I pray to a God I cannot see
They call this blind faith
Yet I can't let go of the feeling
That I am loved

Am I living in a paradox
Feeling love
In a world of Hate
Feeling Pleasure
In the Pain

I have never had it all
Yet I'm always in a circle
Of people who actually have it all

I am part of a history filled with pain
And Heartache
Yet I am suppose to smile
While my mother grieves

We are living in a insane world
Pantopticism all around us
Yet we must find Joy
In the Havoc

Now I cannot sleep
And I Write this poem
I'm still deciding on the reason
Or Maybe I just need a reason
To go on
Go on with it all

My dreams and Ambitions
Because All I have now are my words
And My undying spirit
Which was once a wild beast
Now Tamed by circumstance

I don't know if this poem will end
I'm just blowing off steam
Yet I am not angry

Lord Bless this Day
My will still want me to conquer
But Your will, will be done

Damn stuck in my religious childhood
And My spiritual Youth that seeks no religion

So what is purgatory
to a person who has been raised in hell whilst being promised Heaven?

feeling your pain deeply..

from the soul entry thank you..