Poetry competition CLOSED 21st May 2010 6:00pm
WINNER
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
RUNNERS-UP:
Sslowcheetahh
and rayheinrich
Re-write Another Members Poem
Anonymous
My sincere apologies to Pierre, I somehow thought that this was Jack's thread! Sorry!
Anonymous
[quote]Cthonian said:
My sincere apologies to Pierre, I somehow thought that this was Jack's thread! Sorry!
haha I was going to point that out, but I didn't know whether you were merely telling me how much you liked Pierre's thread, seeing as my comment directly preceded yours.
My sincere apologies to Pierre, I somehow thought that this was Jack's thread! Sorry!
haha I was going to point that out, but I didn't know whether you were merely telling me how much you liked Pierre's thread, seeing as my comment directly preceded yours.
Jack Heslop said:
[quote]Cthonian said:
My sincere apologies to Pierre, I somehow thought that this was Jack's thread! Sorry!
haha I was going to point that out, but I didn't know whether you were merely telling me how much you liked Pierre's thread, seeing as my comment directly preceded yours.
HA! All's fair in love and art! No offense taken. Besides, my feelings have a thick skin to all but my darling Starlight Angel (my wife, whom I am trying to convince to join this site too).
[quote]Cthonian said:
My sincere apologies to Pierre, I somehow thought that this was Jack's thread! Sorry!
haha I was going to point that out, but I didn't know whether you were merely telling me how much you liked Pierre's thread, seeing as my comment directly preceded yours.
HA! All's fair in love and art! No offense taken. Besides, my feelings have a thick skin to all but my darling Starlight Angel (my wife, whom I am trying to convince to join this site too).
I just got in touch with Unboundpoetesshttp://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poets/unboundpoetess and she gave me permission to post this for her:
Her rendition of my Seeking Comfort With A Tiger
(the original is here:http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/6813/ )
once when I was young
and over-apt to dream
I beheld her
tiger
stealing my breath
after all and ever after
thinking about
dreaming about
focused topaz eyes
playful and sparkling wild
sleek grace and raw power
her finely tuned frame
territory stalking
knowing all within were prey
uniquely adorned
her rust and amber hues
neatly cut segments
black stripes
slash like
violent and precise
of her
possessed
with her
obsessed
in sameskin imaginings dressed
just as strong
as graceful
as her presence did suggest
needing more
those few degrees
of seperate-ness
taunting certain torture
I
full and renewed
daring to pursue
with every ounce of zeal
one step closer
more than just a meal
questioning I found
through other's trial and error
big cats love nothing more
than to consume
and dismember
replenishing topaz eyes
playful sparkling wild
I just saw the game of course
an exception to the rule
gathering everything I need
how to care for
how to feed
every little thing in place
now I'm close enough to breath
her very air
each detail compared
dismembered and consumed
obsessed with her possession
cut neatly into segments
her rust and amber hues
violent and precise
black stripe blindfold
covering my eyes
closer still I pull
feeling more than just adornment
and above all else
important
the focus of those eyes
topaz sparkling playful
she gazed yellow wild
closer still
she stalked and thrilled
meeting her in person
my hand held true devout in need
for complete and full immersion
her body low and shoulders high
a game we both could play
there's a winner
and a dinner
only one will walk away
no, I say
I know this play
I've written and rehearsed
but my plot and character
did not know she would come first...
take a bow
there's no where now
left in which to run
this happy ending's at a table
candlelit
for one
upon my face
with tiger's pace
the realization dawns
stunning
my body's blood
chest and thigh
tooth and nail
her strength prevails
in quenching appetite
topaz eyes
ripping tearing
playful sparkling wild
ensnaring
shock subsiding
mind deciding
I cannot give her what she wants
gathering wits and severed bits
I rob her of her meal
soul shattered
dignity tattered
from silverware claws scraping
clean a plate once serving
gourmet matters of the heart
screaming now I stand and beat
and call for handlers
by the door
another attack
I can't go back
violent and precise
her nature striped
in slash-like black
I still beg by the door
contained by cage
expectations fail my rage
I see my fate by tooth and claw
breath by breath
with pounding heart
I wait
try to think of something other
than this error
torn from my chest
this pounding heart
sound resounding in my terror
beating in my hand astounding
that the organ
would still be given to play
she sits and licks her whiskers clean
not to savor
but wipe away
the taste of flesh no longer craved
after all of it's fond and frequent dreaming
I view my wounds
astonished
cannot believe what I am seeing
slashed thighs
black stripes
violent and precise
bleeding wounds have stained me
rust and amber hues rename me
retrain me
to be careful what I wish
what I think
and what I say
a new tiger stalks his territory
knowing all within are prey...
I loved it. TY UBP!
Her rendition of my Seeking Comfort With A Tiger
(the original is here:http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/6813/ )
once when I was young
and over-apt to dream
I beheld her
tiger
stealing my breath
after all and ever after
thinking about
dreaming about
focused topaz eyes
playful and sparkling wild
sleek grace and raw power
her finely tuned frame
territory stalking
knowing all within were prey
uniquely adorned
her rust and amber hues
neatly cut segments
black stripes
slash like
violent and precise
of her
possessed
with her
obsessed
in sameskin imaginings dressed
just as strong
as graceful
as her presence did suggest
needing more
those few degrees
of seperate-ness
taunting certain torture
I
full and renewed
daring to pursue
with every ounce of zeal
one step closer
more than just a meal
questioning I found
through other's trial and error
big cats love nothing more
than to consume
and dismember
replenishing topaz eyes
playful sparkling wild
I just saw the game of course
an exception to the rule
gathering everything I need
how to care for
how to feed
every little thing in place
now I'm close enough to breath
her very air
each detail compared
dismembered and consumed
obsessed with her possession
cut neatly into segments
her rust and amber hues
violent and precise
black stripe blindfold
covering my eyes
closer still I pull
feeling more than just adornment
and above all else
important
the focus of those eyes
topaz sparkling playful
she gazed yellow wild
closer still
she stalked and thrilled
meeting her in person
my hand held true devout in need
for complete and full immersion
her body low and shoulders high
a game we both could play
there's a winner
and a dinner
only one will walk away
no, I say
I know this play
I've written and rehearsed
but my plot and character
did not know she would come first...
take a bow
there's no where now
left in which to run
this happy ending's at a table
candlelit
for one
upon my face
with tiger's pace
the realization dawns
stunning
my body's blood
chest and thigh
tooth and nail
her strength prevails
in quenching appetite
topaz eyes
ripping tearing
playful sparkling wild
ensnaring
shock subsiding
mind deciding
I cannot give her what she wants
gathering wits and severed bits
I rob her of her meal
soul shattered
dignity tattered
from silverware claws scraping
clean a plate once serving
gourmet matters of the heart
screaming now I stand and beat
and call for handlers
by the door
another attack
I can't go back
violent and precise
her nature striped
in slash-like black
I still beg by the door
contained by cage
expectations fail my rage
I see my fate by tooth and claw
breath by breath
with pounding heart
I wait
try to think of something other
than this error
torn from my chest
this pounding heart
sound resounding in my terror
beating in my hand astounding
that the organ
would still be given to play
she sits and licks her whiskers clean
not to savor
but wipe away
the taste of flesh no longer craved
after all of it's fond and frequent dreaming
I view my wounds
astonished
cannot believe what I am seeing
slashed thighs
black stripes
violent and precise
bleeding wounds have stained me
rust and amber hues rename me
retrain me
to be careful what I wish
what I think
and what I say
a new tiger stalks his territory
knowing all within are prey...
I loved it. TY UBP!
Sorry that this reply is a bit slow. I really like what you've done to my piece Pierre, well actually its your piece now! Please upload it as a poem on your page so that I can favourite it! (Thats how much I liked it). Now to return the favour, I think I'll take a crack at Seeking Comfort With A Tiger.
What you see above is actually the version of Seeking Comfort With A Tiger by Unboundpoetess. If you want to take a crack at the original you can find it here: http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/6813/ but I'll warn you, it's a beast. I've submitted Starving The Plague above if you'd prefer. I'll leave it up to you, good sir.
Well here is my version of Seeking Comfort With A Tiger. It is definitely a beast so requires some stamina. Its kinda a version of yours Pierre and Undoundpoetess so its two for one on this offer only!
Seeking Comfort With A Tiger - Viddaxian Version
I know you and those of your kind
Thirsting with desire but all too blind
Over-apt to fulfill the Tiger-meeting dream
By any means before it makes you scream
The sight of a beast, its breataking glory
It'll take more than just that
And leave you dying, in such ironic mori
Focused topaz eyes, sparkling wild and playful
Not meant to be inviting but rather, fearful
Sleek grace and raw power
Your body she will devour
Beautiful rust and amber hues
Khalepa ta kala. Beauty is harsh
Will make you pay its deadly dues
You asked around but ignored trial's error
Curiosity blinding you from the factual terror
That Big Cats love nothing more than to consume
Rip you apart for stalking in their territorial room
Of a Tiger you were possessed
And inclined to folly, fool
You'll pay for being obsessed
By some unknown means into the cage
Disabling the handler in desirous rage
Let's play trespasser: here's a winner
Yet this walking one will be for dinner
A game for both of you to play
Tiger's body low and shoulders high
Thy Beast thou shalt now slay
A Tiger's appetite against your gathered wits
Her strength prevails causing severed bits
But neither will be robbed of their meal
Your Dignity and Soul is too much a deal
There's no where now left to run
This meeting wasn't what you expected
But it really is so violently fun
Slashed thighs violent and precise
Matching black stripes thats nice
Your bleeding wounds of rust and amber
You're a matching Tiger pattern gambler
She sits and wipes her whiskers clean
Not savouring the taste
But to preserve her glossy sheen
Upon this chance to steal her breath
And repay the lovely danger of death
Realization dawns with a pounding heart
You strike there first as a violent start
Ripping and tearing at the topaz eyes
Biting clawing at the black stripes
The grace and raw power were lies
It is you who has the Tiger for tea
Surrounded by a flowing blood sea
While the black flank lies still
Enjoy the blood fuelled thrill
A new Tiger stalks its territory
In a pink skin with stipy thighs
Grinning with beastly gory glory
And here is the moral of this weird story:
What desire wants, desire gets
And never stop killing, so to sate on glory
Seeking Comfort With A Tiger - Viddaxian Version
I know you and those of your kind
Thirsting with desire but all too blind
Over-apt to fulfill the Tiger-meeting dream
By any means before it makes you scream
The sight of a beast, its breataking glory
It'll take more than just that
And leave you dying, in such ironic mori
Focused topaz eyes, sparkling wild and playful
Not meant to be inviting but rather, fearful
Sleek grace and raw power
Your body she will devour
Beautiful rust and amber hues
Khalepa ta kala. Beauty is harsh
Will make you pay its deadly dues
You asked around but ignored trial's error
Curiosity blinding you from the factual terror
That Big Cats love nothing more than to consume
Rip you apart for stalking in their territorial room
Of a Tiger you were possessed
And inclined to folly, fool
You'll pay for being obsessed
By some unknown means into the cage
Disabling the handler in desirous rage
Let's play trespasser: here's a winner
Yet this walking one will be for dinner
A game for both of you to play
Tiger's body low and shoulders high
Thy Beast thou shalt now slay
A Tiger's appetite against your gathered wits
Her strength prevails causing severed bits
But neither will be robbed of their meal
Your Dignity and Soul is too much a deal
There's no where now left to run
This meeting wasn't what you expected
But it really is so violently fun
Slashed thighs violent and precise
Matching black stripes thats nice
Your bleeding wounds of rust and amber
You're a matching Tiger pattern gambler
She sits and wipes her whiskers clean
Not savouring the taste
But to preserve her glossy sheen
Upon this chance to steal her breath
And repay the lovely danger of death
Realization dawns with a pounding heart
You strike there first as a violent start
Ripping and tearing at the topaz eyes
Biting clawing at the black stripes
The grace and raw power were lies
It is you who has the Tiger for tea
Surrounded by a flowing blood sea
While the black flank lies still
Enjoy the blood fuelled thrill
A new Tiger stalks its territory
In a pink skin with stipy thighs
Grinning with beastly gory glory
And here is the moral of this weird story:
What desire wants, desire gets
And never stop killing, so to sate on glory
I love it! And what a challenge you took on, TWO versions! Most impressive. This has got to be my favorite part: Slashed thighs violent and precise
Matching black stripes thats nice
Your bleeding wounds of rust and amber
You're a matching Tiger pattern gambler
She sits and wipes her whiskers clean
not savouring the taste
But to preserve her glossy sheen
Fantastic, I must say! Well done. Well done.
Matching black stripes thats nice
Your bleeding wounds of rust and amber
You're a matching Tiger pattern gambler
She sits and wipes her whiskers clean
not savouring the taste
But to preserve her glossy sheen
Fantastic, I must say! Well done. Well done.
They can have tea just no stealing for them. And watch out for 'The Tiger who came to Tea'http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tiger_Who_Came_To_Tea!
