Poetry competition CLOSED 18th May 2012 8:15pm
WINNER
kriticool
kriticool
RUNNER-UP:
Vixenwings
Self harm - Once an addict always an addict
Death
Blood stains my nails
I'm getting too pale.
My last breath dancing
waiting to escape my lips.
My memories haunt me through
small bits.
I lay silently on the bed.
Growing darker in my head,
My mind swirls around like
Dust in a breeze.
It gets colder so I begin to freeze.
Twisting and turning trying to free
Myself of death's grasp.
Tears come to my eyes.
The Blinding white hypnotizes me.
The only spark in the darkenss.
I pray to the gods.. let me stay.
But there is no reply.
There is no other way.
Forgive me, but I want to try,
To find my way back in this life.
My heart is slowing. My mind is dimming.
I fall asleep in my puddle of blood.
Hoping to wake to a life thats good.
Not here, nor there.
I'm in between worlds again.
Blood stains my nails
I'm getting too pale.
My last breath dancing
waiting to escape my lips.
My memories haunt me through
small bits.
I lay silently on the bed.
Growing darker in my head,
My mind swirls around like
Dust in a breeze.
It gets colder so I begin to freeze.
Twisting and turning trying to free
Myself of death's grasp.
Tears come to my eyes.
The Blinding white hypnotizes me.
The only spark in the darkenss.
I pray to the gods.. let me stay.
But there is no reply.
There is no other way.
Forgive me, but I want to try,
To find my way back in this life.
My heart is slowing. My mind is dimming.
I fall asleep in my puddle of blood.
Hoping to wake to a life thats good.
Not here, nor there.
I'm in between worlds again.
Blood Can Be So Pretty
I try to see your side.
To leave it all behind,
To forget the story of the past,
And leave the memory of what happened last.
The blade is set aside,
Waiting to taste my skin,
To release warm sweet crimson.
The day dims, promising
Moonlight and stars.
Should I hide my scars?
I slice and dice,
Wanting to rid my burning fever
That dwells deep inside.
I know that I want to be
As cold as ice.
I lay here pouring pain, stress,
envy, sorrow and life.
Slow and painful kisses from my knife
Sit on the surface, and deep inside.
It's such a pity. So tell me,
Why is blood... So pretty?
I try to see your side.
To leave it all behind,
To forget the story of the past,
And leave the memory of what happened last.
The blade is set aside,
Waiting to taste my skin,
To release warm sweet crimson.
The day dims, promising
Moonlight and stars.
Should I hide my scars?
I slice and dice,
Wanting to rid my burning fever
That dwells deep inside.
I know that I want to be
As cold as ice.
I lay here pouring pain, stress,
envy, sorrow and life.
Slow and painful kisses from my knife
Sit on the surface, and deep inside.
It's such a pity. So tell me,
Why is blood... So pretty?
Blood Stained Tears
I cut deep through
Every little vein and
Watch the blood stain my shirt.
You don't care. Why would you?
When lies turn to truth you
left me to face the pain
on my own. With swollen eyes, I cry.
Don't ask why. It doesn't matter,
Not anymore. You left me with
fears i never had before.
Screaming and bleeding for you,
you left me in the dark. The thoughts in my
head have gone blank. Mark my skin
with the painful touch of a blade.
Making me weak as I plead.
Watching my tears flood,
The blood runs colder in my veins.
Now I must thank you. I owe
you one. But for now,
I am gone
I cut deep through
Every little vein and
Watch the blood stain my shirt.
You don't care. Why would you?
When lies turn to truth you
left me to face the pain
on my own. With swollen eyes, I cry.
Don't ask why. It doesn't matter,
Not anymore. You left me with
fears i never had before.
Screaming and bleeding for you,
you left me in the dark. The thoughts in my
head have gone blank. Mark my skin
with the painful touch of a blade.
Making me weak as I plead.
Watching my tears flood,
The blood runs colder in my veins.
Now I must thank you. I owe
you one. But for now,
I am gone
The Beast Within
There's a terrifying feeling deep inside me
It causes my eyesight to blur, until the point that I cannot see.
It feels like I'm being trapped in an evershrinking cage
I can feel my whole body begin to tremble from this sudden powerful rage.
I need some kind of escape, I can't take this emotion swirling inside my head
I suddenly want to hit someone, something, anything, until that thing is dead.
My room is spinning, I think I'm going to go insane
There's an overwhelming desire, a craving, a need to inflict great pain.
A beast appears next to me, maniacal grin, a gleaming knife held high
With hate dripping from every word, he screams at me that it's time for me to die.
Again and again he cuts, causing me more and more harm
Until all I can feel is the burning pain, and the warm blood dripping down my arm.
Under all my rage I feel a little scared to say the least
Because even I can't seem to be able to control this blood thirsty beast.
I try and escape, but I can't get away, I can't reach my door
The beast just laughs, and holds me tighter, cutting me more and more.
I close my eyes, thinking my life is over, when the beast finally stops
I feel no rage now, only relief, when my arm suddenly drops.
I open my eyes, see all the blood, which looks like spilt red wine
Suddenly I notice that the hand that is holding the bloody knife is mine.
I look around the whole room, denying it, thinking that it couldn't be
But there's no one else, and I realize that the ugly beast was the dark side of me.
I was the one who cut my arm, I was the beast who was filled with nothing but hate
The maniacal grin returns as I realize that this is me, and it will always be my fate.
There's a terrifying feeling deep inside me
It causes my eyesight to blur, until the point that I cannot see.
It feels like I'm being trapped in an evershrinking cage
I can feel my whole body begin to tremble from this sudden powerful rage.
I need some kind of escape, I can't take this emotion swirling inside my head
I suddenly want to hit someone, something, anything, until that thing is dead.
My room is spinning, I think I'm going to go insane
There's an overwhelming desire, a craving, a need to inflict great pain.
A beast appears next to me, maniacal grin, a gleaming knife held high
With hate dripping from every word, he screams at me that it's time for me to die.
Again and again he cuts, causing me more and more harm
Until all I can feel is the burning pain, and the warm blood dripping down my arm.
Under all my rage I feel a little scared to say the least
Because even I can't seem to be able to control this blood thirsty beast.
I try and escape, but I can't get away, I can't reach my door
The beast just laughs, and holds me tighter, cutting me more and more.
I close my eyes, thinking my life is over, when the beast finally stops
I feel no rage now, only relief, when my arm suddenly drops.
I open my eyes, see all the blood, which looks like spilt red wine
Suddenly I notice that the hand that is holding the bloody knife is mine.
I look around the whole room, denying it, thinking that it couldn't be
But there's no one else, and I realize that the ugly beast was the dark side of me.
I was the one who cut my arm, I was the beast who was filled with nothing but hate
The maniacal grin returns as I realize that this is me, and it will always be my fate.
Lost Control
Fear spreads through me as the familiar rage begins to overtake me
If only people knew what was happening, if only they could see.
But no one recognizes the signs, the tremors in my body, the darkening eyes
No one sees the monster inside me; no one hears my desperate cries.
The monster is back, bloodthirsty as ever, desiring to cause even more pain
Every time he comes out, I lose more of myself, become more and more insane.
He takes over, binds me with his hate, and locks me away
I never know how long he’ll imprison me for, whether a few hours or the whole day.
Someone, anyone, I beg you, please, hear my cries, come and set me free
Just release these shackles; can’t you see that this is not who I want to be?
I try my hardest to win control, but his hatred crushes my will
For he’s stronger now; I can sense this time he has intent to kill.
The only thing I feel is the burn of his many cuts over my exposed veins
He said he just wants to help, and that this is the only way to stop the real pain.
In desperation to stop the internal pain, I believe him and his web of lies
As he holds the knife out to me, I realize he’s just helping, he’s truly quite wise.
With determination in my eyes, I take the knife from him and make a tighter fist
And like a skilled artist, create new bloody designs that flow from my cut up wrists.
It drips down like gentle rain, and forms a dark puddle on the floor
In my head, I hear my monster sweetly whispering to me “that’s it, just a little more”.
Like a student desperate to please his master, I begin to slice faster and deeper
This whole time, it’s felt like I was climbing a hill…but suddenly that hill seems steeper.
My arms burn, legs become weak; I try to move but slip on something slick
As I look around, I see a red floor, and realize I lost a lot of blood, and lost it too quick.
I feel tired, all I want to do is just lay here on the floor, and get some rest
As I start to drift away, I realize that maybe this cutting idea wasn’t the best.
I can feel the fire beginning to fade, replaced with an icy feeling that’s spreading fast
I feel betrayed, for I believed my lie that by doing this I would find peace at last.
Instead I feel nothing but regret, and an overwhelming sense of fear
For it has finally dawned on me that I went too far, it’s too late, now my end is here.
My eyesight dims, breathing becomes labored, head starts to pound
With frantic eyes, I look for my monster to help me, but he’s nowhere to be found.
He’s gone, no longer inside me; his lust is finally satisfied after all these long years
I’m alone now; no monster here, only a blood stained knife and a pool of red tears.
My strength is gone; I finally lost the fight against my depression and sorrow
I fall into the shadows of darkness, never again to wake to another tomorrow.
Fear spreads through me as the familiar rage begins to overtake me
If only people knew what was happening, if only they could see.
But no one recognizes the signs, the tremors in my body, the darkening eyes
No one sees the monster inside me; no one hears my desperate cries.
The monster is back, bloodthirsty as ever, desiring to cause even more pain
Every time he comes out, I lose more of myself, become more and more insane.
He takes over, binds me with his hate, and locks me away
I never know how long he’ll imprison me for, whether a few hours or the whole day.
Someone, anyone, I beg you, please, hear my cries, come and set me free
Just release these shackles; can’t you see that this is not who I want to be?
I try my hardest to win control, but his hatred crushes my will
For he’s stronger now; I can sense this time he has intent to kill.
The only thing I feel is the burn of his many cuts over my exposed veins
He said he just wants to help, and that this is the only way to stop the real pain.
In desperation to stop the internal pain, I believe him and his web of lies
As he holds the knife out to me, I realize he’s just helping, he’s truly quite wise.
With determination in my eyes, I take the knife from him and make a tighter fist
And like a skilled artist, create new bloody designs that flow from my cut up wrists.
It drips down like gentle rain, and forms a dark puddle on the floor
In my head, I hear my monster sweetly whispering to me “that’s it, just a little more”.
Like a student desperate to please his master, I begin to slice faster and deeper
This whole time, it’s felt like I was climbing a hill…but suddenly that hill seems steeper.
My arms burn, legs become weak; I try to move but slip on something slick
As I look around, I see a red floor, and realize I lost a lot of blood, and lost it too quick.
I feel tired, all I want to do is just lay here on the floor, and get some rest
As I start to drift away, I realize that maybe this cutting idea wasn’t the best.
I can feel the fire beginning to fade, replaced with an icy feeling that’s spreading fast
I feel betrayed, for I believed my lie that by doing this I would find peace at last.
Instead I feel nothing but regret, and an overwhelming sense of fear
For it has finally dawned on me that I went too far, it’s too late, now my end is here.
My eyesight dims, breathing becomes labored, head starts to pound
With frantic eyes, I look for my monster to help me, but he’s nowhere to be found.
He’s gone, no longer inside me; his lust is finally satisfied after all these long years
I’m alone now; no monster here, only a blood stained knife and a pool of red tears.
My strength is gone; I finally lost the fight against my depression and sorrow
I fall into the shadows of darkness, never again to wake to another tomorrow.
A moment of weakness,
A slow release,
Of all my sorrow,
A lukewarm bath,
No thoughts of tomorrow
A gentle blade,
Licks my arm,
A trickle of blood,
Does all the harm,
A flow of tears,
Followed by a piercing laugh,
A sense of freedom,
Yet a gain of pain,
A realisation comes,
Now im losing control,
A cry for help,
Waiting for an answer,
A loss of conciousness,
It's too late now,
A saviour isn't coming,
My last look at life
A thought of why
In my last
Moment of weakness....
A slow release,
Of all my sorrow,
A lukewarm bath,
No thoughts of tomorrow
A gentle blade,
Licks my arm,
A trickle of blood,
Does all the harm,
A flow of tears,
Followed by a piercing laugh,
A sense of freedom,
Yet a gain of pain,
A realisation comes,
Now im losing control,
A cry for help,
Waiting for an answer,
A loss of conciousness,
It's too late now,
A saviour isn't coming,
My last look at life
A thought of why
In my last
Moment of weakness....
Twistig it bites. Fierce is its sting.
A shard of glass
Cuts with such force as behind it.
Turning the blade over again
it slices into my flesh.
Twisting it bites.
Fierce is its sting.
The blade of my knife,
Knows how to carve.
We are not novices, it and I...
The torch of the flame,
As it burns my skin,
Incinerating my horrid thoughts through my pain.
I slash, I nic, I cut, I burn.
All of these I do, and I learn.
The pain.... I love it, its everything...
Twiting it bites.
Fierce is its sting...
Written by Rosewingangel (Rosewingaangel)
P.S. sooo... I copied this from my poems, because I dont know how to link it or whatever. But this IS my poem, so dont worry. also, hope you like it.
Haiku written a while back, so not official entries:
sterile blades, gauze pads, surgical tape -
mamma's little boy
always neat
razorblade or screwdriver? -
how much
does it need to hurt?
fat red drops dropping -
go away
it goes away
sharp
easy -
red
Inhibited inhabitator
Sweet dreams
My sideways smirk
Smile as if you know what it means
To pick bitterly away at your fingers
And every other part of you
Feigning lack of inspiration
Ill do exactly what you want me to
Dying the slow death
Mouldering over it as I chew
Oh quick trancing ease
Appeasement of my disease
Blank stare
A smirk
And black eyes too
More punishment
It’s all just frustration
I just can’t get through to you
Sweet dreams
My sideways smirk
Smile as if you know what it means
To pick bitterly away at your fingers
And every other part of you
Feigning lack of inspiration
Ill do exactly what you want me to
Dying the slow death
Mouldering over it as I chew
Oh quick trancing ease
Appeasement of my disease
Blank stare
A smirk
And black eyes too
More punishment
It’s all just frustration
I just can’t get through to you
Addiction
Close the door
Feel the pain
Turn on the shower
Let it rain.
Wash the blood
Upon my wrists
They're always angry
Shaking fists.
The blade is sharp
Against my skin
They don't get it
I can't win.
I feel disgusting
I feel hated
By all but my knife
Calm and serated.
Against my skin
New scars appear
Bright and risen
They scream for all to hear.
I hate my body
I hate my skin
The scars I make
Are now my kin.
I am an addict
Now trying to heal
But the relapse is random
On a big spinning wheel.
I only wish
That you would just listen
Because all that I want
It the scars to have risen..
Close the door
Feel the pain
Turn on the shower
Let it rain.
Wash the blood
Upon my wrists
They're always angry
Shaking fists.
The blade is sharp
Against my skin
They don't get it
I can't win.
I feel disgusting
I feel hated
By all but my knife
Calm and serated.
Against my skin
New scars appear
Bright and risen
They scream for all to hear.
I hate my body
I hate my skin
The scars I make
Are now my kin.
I am an addict
Now trying to heal
But the relapse is random
On a big spinning wheel.
I only wish
That you would just listen
Because all that I want
It the scars to have risen..
Gone.
Your new form
Yet again
Teething on my fingers
Begging me for more
Of me
Of control
Im never in control
Taking rides from the monster
Blanket me in lies
In addiction
In blood
so warm
Soothing
Making me
Weak
Vulnerable
Sizzor like hands
Slide across my face
Metalic taste
Mixing
Like familiar razor blades
Doused
In my veins red tears
Crying out
Confuzed
Falling
Deprived
Slowly
Slipping
Away
Your new form
Yet again
Teething on my fingers
Begging me for more
Of me
Of control
Im never in control
Taking rides from the monster
Blanket me in lies
In addiction
In blood
so warm
Soothing
Making me
Weak
Vulnerable
Sizzor like hands
Slide across my face
Metalic taste
Mixing
Like familiar razor blades
Doused
In my veins red tears
Crying out
Confuzed
Falling
Deprived
Slowly
Slipping
Away
Withdrawl from the Blade (A Pint-Sized Poem)
Blood pounding in my ears.
Thoughts racing in my mind.
I need to cut. . .
Promises would be broken,
with just one slice.
Everything that I was working for would be. . .
Gone.
In an instant, as if it never existed.
Hands shaking--
Wrists itching--
Body aching--
I need that fix.
I need the blade.
Dragging across my wrists.
Leaving trails of crimson in it's path.
Panic sets in.
Losing focus.
Eyes close.
Nothingness.
Wake up.
All is calm.
No harm done.
No blood shead.
I sigh.
I lived through another withdrawl.
And I am still in one piece.
But how long until I am drowning once again?
Will I be able to keep out of the dread valley
of razors and knives?
Or will it simply kill me just to try?
Blood pounding in my ears.
Thoughts racing in my mind.
I need to cut. . .
Promises would be broken,
with just one slice.
Everything that I was working for would be. . .
Gone.
In an instant, as if it never existed.
Hands shaking--
Wrists itching--
Body aching--
I need that fix.
I need the blade.
Dragging across my wrists.
Leaving trails of crimson in it's path.
Panic sets in.
Losing focus.
Eyes close.
Nothingness.
Wake up.
All is calm.
No harm done.
No blood shead.
I sigh.
I lived through another withdrawl.
And I am still in one piece.
But how long until I am drowning once again?
Will I be able to keep out of the dread valley
of razors and knives?
Or will it simply kill me just to try?
Waking up with bruises, broken teeth, and/or sprained fingers, that is how an addict self-harms themselves.
Continuing to surround themselves with people to drink or use drugs to oblivion, that is how an addict stays an addict.
Finding themselves in trouble with the law, getting in car accidents, ruining any and all close relationships, blowing bill money on booze, choosing to be homeless, that is just the beginning.
For an addict to continue to drink or use drugs and make their lives unmanageable, they are knowingly self-harming themselves.
Whenever an addict says: "fuck it" and goes to get a drink or a drug, he is saying that once an addict always an addict.
So, it does not matter what method is used to self-harm onesself, we are choosing to die playing this Russian Roulette; some are just doing it slower than others.
Continuing to surround themselves with people to drink or use drugs to oblivion, that is how an addict stays an addict.
Finding themselves in trouble with the law, getting in car accidents, ruining any and all close relationships, blowing bill money on booze, choosing to be homeless, that is just the beginning.
For an addict to continue to drink or use drugs and make their lives unmanageable, they are knowingly self-harming themselves.
Whenever an addict says: "fuck it" and goes to get a drink or a drug, he is saying that once an addict always an addict.
So, it does not matter what method is used to self-harm onesself, we are choosing to die playing this Russian Roulette; some are just doing it slower than others.
Yes I've done it once
Trust that I will again
Pray that I won't..?
Watch me give in
I'll bring it to my skin
And watch you pant and scream
Begging me to drop it..
Maybe..in your dreams
Continuing to paint myself
In multi-shades of red
Blood pouring down the bathroom sink
I think I'll rest my head
Perhaps I won't awaken
I hope that I don't
I can ask for forgiveness
Knowing that you won't..
Trust that I will again
Pray that I won't..?
Watch me give in
I'll bring it to my skin
And watch you pant and scream
Begging me to drop it..
Maybe..in your dreams
Continuing to paint myself
In multi-shades of red
Blood pouring down the bathroom sink
I think I'll rest my head
Perhaps I won't awaken
I hope that I don't
I can ask for forgiveness
Knowing that you won't..
Anonymous
Life as an addict is fun for a while
Til too many bridges are burned
A cramped style...
No life or style
Still you go on a little while
Hurting loved ones
Ruining lives
Acting like it's beyond
all they see outside
Focused on inside
your side
steal
Hide
Free rides
High times
Every addict has his day
Death or Reform
comes their way
Usually not borne of choice
Just intolerance
And someone's voice
Off you go learning new way's
Coping skills
Self praise
30 days clean is cool
studying books like
being back in school
Smoking cigarettes
Drinking coffee
Bitching about everything
how it's all now annoying
Moaning three days a week
about life's awful nuances
Dreaming of bars
Telling God your promises
Man,
Honestly
Get a clue
The only one stuck in the cycle
Is you
down you got all on your own
left all you loved
let go of home
to roam....
Smoke a joint or
eat some Kratom
Truth is man
Addicts are still lying
while crying
Get up Jake
You aint dying
Just lying to all that you are
Believing all of your life is lost
and thus far..
It's you who sat and made the choices
I wanna kill-but ignore the voices
Pick yourself up and practice renewal
get what you need
then it's time for removal
Instead of having a life that requires a vacation
or sedation
Get some education-
or validation in
Self
Then sit that crap down
and blow up the shelf
Til too many bridges are burned
A cramped style...
No life or style
Still you go on a little while
Hurting loved ones
Ruining lives
Acting like it's beyond
all they see outside
Focused on inside
your side
steal
Hide
Free rides
High times
Every addict has his day
Death or Reform
comes their way
Usually not borne of choice
Just intolerance
And someone's voice
Off you go learning new way's
Coping skills
Self praise
30 days clean is cool
studying books like
being back in school
Smoking cigarettes
Drinking coffee
Bitching about everything
how it's all now annoying
Moaning three days a week
about life's awful nuances
Dreaming of bars
Telling God your promises
Man,
Honestly
Get a clue
The only one stuck in the cycle
Is you
down you got all on your own
left all you loved
let go of home
to roam....
Smoke a joint or
eat some Kratom
Truth is man
Addicts are still lying
while crying
Get up Jake
You aint dying
Just lying to all that you are
Believing all of your life is lost
and thus far..
It's you who sat and made the choices
I wanna kill-but ignore the voices
Pick yourself up and practice renewal
get what you need
then it's time for removal
Instead of having a life that requires a vacation
or sedation
Get some education-
or validation in
Self
Then sit that crap down
and blow up the shelf
