Submissions by cjmshadow (Poetic Joker)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
SELF POEM
Published
11th Aug 2014 5:04am
11th Aug 2014 5:04am
BPD
I'm trying to find the right words to say, to express how I feel inside
But my emotions are flying around in every direction, like some crazy roller coaster ride.
From rage to peace to depression to happiness and everything else in between
I'm constantly fighting this battle that can never be seen.
My fingers type away, anxious to release the pent up emotions, but then I stop in confusion
Because half the time I don't even know if what I'm feeling is real or just some delusion.
And yet, even if they are a delusion, they are real to me, just like the other emotions that...
But my emotions are flying around in every direction, like some crazy roller coaster ride.
From rage to peace to depression to happiness and everything else in between
I'm constantly fighting this battle that can never be seen.
My fingers type away, anxious to release the pent up emotions, but then I stop in confusion
Because half the time I don't even know if what I'm feeling is real or just some delusion.
And yet, even if they are a delusion, they are real to me, just like the other emotions that...
924 reads
1 Comment
ANGER POEM
Published
31st Jan 2014 4:44am
31st Jan 2014 4:44am
Jacob
Few ever see Me, for I lay hidden deep within
I am the one who gets him into trouble, by engaging in every imaginable and pleasurable sin.
I am the one who indulges in My fun of giving him new fresh scars
The one who if uncontrolled would land us all behind steel bars.
My rage, My fury, My will, is not something you should enjoy testing
For I am the Alpha here, someone you have no chance of besting.
However, I can play your little game, so in the process you can learn a thing or two
But if you threaten the others, yours or Mine, I promise it will be the...
I am the one who gets him into trouble, by engaging in every imaginable and pleasurable sin.
I am the one who indulges in My fun of giving him new fresh scars
The one who if uncontrolled would land us all behind steel bars.
My rage, My fury, My will, is not something you should enjoy testing
For I am the Alpha here, someone you have no chance of besting.
However, I can play your little game, so in the process you can learn a thing or two
But if you threaten the others, yours or Mine, I promise it will be the...
872 reads
3 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
5th Dec 2013 10:17am
5th Dec 2013 10:17am
Late Nights
It's times like this that I hate...so late into the night that it's beginning to be early. When out of nowhere a song I played to help me sleep opens up all the doors to my mind, doors I've tried over and over to keep locked, and all the haunting memories rush through me like a wave, carrying all the pain and regret with them. It's times like this that I am at my weakest, when I wish I could go back in time, stop everything from happening. When my strength fails and my desires to self harm come back stronger than ever, just so I can escape this torment and pain I feel inside. But I can't go...
828 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
12th Sep 2013 5:49am
12th Sep 2013 5:49am
Depression
Sometimes it's just a tug that I can feel gently pulling at me over and over like waves lapping at the shores of a beach...a process that little by little causes me to lose more of my grip on reality, until at last I can't hold on any longer, and the current slowly carries me back out, draining my energy until I sink into the dark abyss that I've fought over and over to escape.
And then sometimes it's a sudden push, like a monstrous wave that comes crashing down upon me, throwing me far under the surface before I can even take a breath. Then just when I think I won't make it, I...
And then sometimes it's a sudden push, like a monstrous wave that comes crashing down upon me, throwing me far under the surface before I can even take a breath. Then just when I think I won't make it, I...
802 reads
2 Comments
LOVE POEM
Published
6th Sep 2013 8:09am
6th Sep 2013 8:09am
Pain
Pain...it comes in many different ways
It can last for a few hours, or for endless days.
I haven't felt pain this bad in years
It brings me to my knees, filling my eyes with tears.
I need to vent, but I can't even let out a scream
These past 12 hours have felt like a horrible fucked up dream.
I'm not sure what to think, or even what to say
Everyone keeps telling me it will be ok.
I don't want ok, I want it to not be real, as if it's all been a lie
But it's not; I guess at one point everyone has to say goodbye.
I want this pain to go away, but that...
It can last for a few hours, or for endless days.
I haven't felt pain this bad in years
It brings me to my knees, filling my eyes with tears.
I need to vent, but I can't even let out a scream
These past 12 hours have felt like a horrible fucked up dream.
I'm not sure what to think, or even what to say
Everyone keeps telling me it will be ok.
I don't want ok, I want it to not be real, as if it's all been a lie
But it's not; I guess at one point everyone has to say goodbye.
I want this pain to go away, but that...
1073 reads
4 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
18th Jul 2013 7:40am
18th Jul 2013 7:40am
Escape Into The Night
I work nights at McCain's. 12 hour shifts, 7pm-7am. One big benefit I've come to realize of this schedule is that on my days off, when everyone is asleep and I'm still up, and I have a bad day, or there's too much shit going on within my mind, I no longer have to worry about losing sleep from all the stress or depression or whatever it may be...I can change, walk outside my door, and escape into the dark night. I like to walk through the empty neighborhoods, past our little town square, to the gas station about 3 miles from home, buy some snacks, and walk to the town square park or through my...
812 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
9th Jul 2013 9:39am
9th Jul 2013 9:39am
French Fries
I'm walking through the factory, taking a look around
When suddenly I spot something spread all over the ground.
Before I know it, I'm surrounded by french fries to my left, and french fries to my right
A shovel is thrust into my hands, and soon I'm shoveling them with all my might.
It seems no matter how many fries I pick up, there's always more that keeps falling down
And as time continues to tick by, my face begins to set into an angry frown.
I scoop and I scoop, filling wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow
I'm starting to think I might go crazy, just like Captain Jack...
When suddenly I spot something spread all over the ground.
Before I know it, I'm surrounded by french fries to my left, and french fries to my right
A shovel is thrust into my hands, and soon I'm shoveling them with all my might.
It seems no matter how many fries I pick up, there's always more that keeps falling down
And as time continues to tick by, my face begins to set into an angry frown.
I scoop and I scoop, filling wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow
I'm starting to think I might go crazy, just like Captain Jack...
1037 reads
5 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
2nd Jun 2013 9:22am
2nd Jun 2013 9:22am
I Was So Close
I wish I could say that my monster within forced his way out tonight
I wish I could say that I gave it all I had, and that I simply lost the fight.
But even he was scared of the rage and pain I felt inside
So he knew better, and decided to slink back into the shadows and hide.
For he usually comes out when he knows he has something to gain
But there was nothing to use as his fuel, only overwhelming pain.
Tonight it was me that got out my toys, me that chose
Tonight it me that decided to fulfill the burning desire that arose.
I was almost at 6 months harm free,...
I wish I could say that I gave it all I had, and that I simply lost the fight.
But even he was scared of the rage and pain I felt inside
So he knew better, and decided to slink back into the shadows and hide.
For he usually comes out when he knows he has something to gain
But there was nothing to use as his fuel, only overwhelming pain.
Tonight it was me that got out my toys, me that chose
Tonight it me that decided to fulfill the burning desire that arose.
I was almost at 6 months harm free,...
843 reads
3 Comments
ANGER POEM
Published
30th Mar 2013 8:43am
30th Mar 2013 8:43am
A Smile To Die For
I always wear smile on my face, because kindness has always been my best disguise
It grabs your attention, keeps you oblivious to the murder in my eyes.
My smile is a clever tool, for it makes you think I'm a harmless guy
If only you could see the ways I've imagined torturing you and watching you die.
Your death brings me pleasure, and knowing it's by my hands adds so much to the thrill
You should be grateful that my thoughts and dreams are the only places in which I kill.
The animal in me is definitely something you never want to meet
Because that would end with...
It grabs your attention, keeps you oblivious to the murder in my eyes.
My smile is a clever tool, for it makes you think I'm a harmless guy
If only you could see the ways I've imagined torturing you and watching you die.
Your death brings me pleasure, and knowing it's by my hands adds so much to the thrill
You should be grateful that my thoughts and dreams are the only places in which I kill.
The animal in me is definitely something you never want to meet
Because that would end with...
902 reads
6 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
13th Mar 2013 8:22am
13th Mar 2013 8:22am
Make a Wish
I hate when my mind decides to keep me awake
It's times like this I wish there was a simple pill that I could take.
A pill that didn't just knock me out until the next day
But also grabbed my bad thoughts and took them all away.
I wouldn't have to worry about reoccurring nightmares
I wouldn't have to worry about stupid concerns or silly fears.
I hate when the voices of doubt or anger or sadness creep into my head
They make me feel like I'm trapped here laying on my small bed.
I wish there was a button that I could just click
To mute those voices, so...
It's times like this I wish there was a simple pill that I could take.
A pill that didn't just knock me out until the next day
But also grabbed my bad thoughts and took them all away.
I wouldn't have to worry about reoccurring nightmares
I wouldn't have to worry about stupid concerns or silly fears.
I hate when the voices of doubt or anger or sadness creep into my head
They make me feel like I'm trapped here laying on my small bed.
I wish there was a button that I could just click
To mute those voices, so...
767 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
11th Jan 2013 10:53pm
11th Jan 2013 10:53pm
Familiar Stranger
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and grateful to be back in town
And yet behind my smile I can't help but hide a small forwn.
For while part of me falls back into some routines like things are still the same
Another part of me feels like a complete stranger with just the same name.
Like old times, I saw the familiar beautiful sunsets, saw the famous Joshua trees
I had a great family night with the parents at the ever so popular Applebees.
But like a retired athlete who tries to step back into the game and realizes he's no longer hin his prime
I step back onto these...
And yet behind my smile I can't help but hide a small forwn.
For while part of me falls back into some routines like things are still the same
Another part of me feels like a complete stranger with just the same name.
Like old times, I saw the familiar beautiful sunsets, saw the famous Joshua trees
I had a great family night with the parents at the ever so popular Applebees.
But like a retired athlete who tries to step back into the game and realizes he's no longer hin his prime
I step back onto these...
856 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
11th Dec 2012 11:49pm
11th Dec 2012 11:49pm
Even the Best Fall Sometimes
Once again they're starting to slowly wash over me
Those soft shadows of depression that no one else can see.
I can feel it simmering deep down inside
The urge to cut and burn until I have new scars to hide.
It seems every time I start to think I'm healed, that my wounds have all been treated and nursed
My monster awakens within me, once again reminding me how I'm truly cursed.
While I try my best to keep control, try to ignore that overwhelming desire
He looks for his special tools, preparing to sate his thirst with blood and fire.
On the outside nothing has...
Those soft shadows of depression that no one else can see.
I can feel it simmering deep down inside
The urge to cut and burn until I have new scars to hide.
It seems every time I start to think I'm healed, that my wounds have all been treated and nursed
My monster awakens within me, once again reminding me how I'm truly cursed.
While I try my best to keep control, try to ignore that overwhelming desire
He looks for his special tools, preparing to sate his thirst with blood and fire.
On the outside nothing has...
910 reads
6 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by cjmshadow (Poetic Joker)
