Dear Loved One

 
Our lives were entwined,
a neatly folded crease.
Our futures aligned
our love, a masterpiece.

With our roots planted in one another, deep
we grew together as one.
Sharing our all - save, dreams in sleep,
we firmly aged as a redwood, would
timeless longing rings

We promised each other
to be a part of every day, good or bad.
We trusted each other
in every way, by every means we had.

But now I must bear the load,
carry my grief with flowing tears.
You see, she's gone from our abode. . .
she died without me, in her aged years.

Her presence has evaporated to
unfathomable space above ~
Ashes to ashes ---- her human shell.
Her memory remains,
a scrapbook of love.

My love for her could flood a well. . .
And if death means I must live
through this incredible pain alone,
then I am glad I'm staying
and she had to go.

 
dear Dad,

you left before I could even grow up
so many times I wanted to call you on the phone
you were out of my reach
behind the veil where mortals can't cross

I'm given time to pause
to go over my mistakes
you enter my dreams with words of advice
I wish I could always take them

you have a view that I can't see
one of the great universe
you see where I fit within it

I hear you in my mind talking to me
telling me in life you were blind
you didn't know the calling placed on my life
or what just what it cost to be me

you sit with me quietly
because you know I'm sick
struggling with the world as it is

you make your presence known
a comfort to me
only from time to time
so not to disturb the natural flow of things

please help me today dad I'm failing
you were always the one who set my boundaries
now I'm running wild
unprotected and reckless

watch over me
guide me to the end of this mission

12/20/2018

Dear Frank, I want to be frank with you,
I want to be open and honest with what I’m about to say,
Because even though I said goodbye some time ago,
I’m blue because today it ended this way.  

I know you had your demons, they’re hard to let go,
But you fought hard and fell and got up and fell again,
And though you didn’t always make the best choices,
After so many long talks, I know there was good in you.  

I know we laughed, we cried and you tried,
But I always loved hearing you talk to your grandchildren,
You were such a loving man when you were there,
Just like I remember when I was ten.  

Dad, I’m sorry I’m mad, I feel sad but mostly bad,
I should’ve called, I should’ve picked up the phone,
Because every time we hung up you said “I love you son, love you son”,
Knowing how you were so alone.  

But I’d like to think of you in better times,  
All the shenanigans and pranks you used to play,
All the stories uncles and aunts told me about you,
That’s the Frank I’ll remember till my dying day.

I like imagine that somewhere up there the futbol gods,
Are giving semi old pros like you a chance to realize their dream,
That you’ve put on those cleats for old time sake and when you play,
The cheers of a hundred sound like forty thousand scream.  

I’d like to picture we’re back on the black sand in ‘74,
Hearing the words you said in the photo I wished you’d repeat,
Because somewhere in the memories of me and you,
We are young again with the crashing waves at our feet.
Rest in Peace.

Thinking I would suffocate from heat, or dehydrate  
into a shriveled leaf, I wanted to crawl under a rock  
as those little animals in the desert, content  
to watch the world turn when I felt you cross over.  

When rain came I was wanton to drown—  
allow mud to engulf my shoulders, blocking  
sound to sleep so I could join you, rolling  
through light as milkweed until we were home.  
 
Yet, just as heat is abated by rain, thus is rain  
by heat, always in time to push the clock forward  
another minute. How easily my hands could navigate  
my fate as effortlessly as the natural order of things;  
 
but,
 
I keep thinking of Romeo; had he only waited—  
just a few more seconds—before swallowing  
the contents of that poisonous vial. . .
what then would've become of them.
 
Is this how Shakespeare felt while penning his grief—  
too much of a coward to surrender to his own death?        
~

Entombed in the cold ground -
The deep snow piled above thee, benumbed.
Far, far removed.
Have I forgotten my once former love?

Severed at last by time.

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over ranges, rivers, and shores
Resting their wings where hedge and fern-leaves cover
Thy gentle heart forever, evermore.

Sweet love of youth, excuse if I forget thee
While the tide of life is pushing me along
Firm desires and darker hopes beset me,
Hopes though unclear, cannot do thee wrong

No other light has illuminated my darkness
No other star has ever shone for me;
No other joy has lightened up my sadness,
No other, for my love as ideal,
No other more than she.

But when the days of paradise had perished,
And even despair was powerless to destroy;
Then did I learn how life could be cherished,
Enhanced, and nourished without the aid of joy

Then did I examine the tears of useless passion -
Detached my young soul from yearning after yours;
Firmly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to a grave, not mine, but to yours.

And, even yet, I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in memory's euphoric pain;
Once drinking deep from life's pool of anguish
How could I seek the empty world again?